Who the Sam Hill are you?
This week
I’m going to do something revolutionary. I have every confidence it will alter
life as we know it. It may even whiten teeth.
So, grab a pen so you can circle what
I’m about to say. – Ready? Here it is. Whenever I catch myself moping around,
I’m going to “snap out of it! Might have to do that two or 20 times a day.
Is that not revolutionary? – What?
No, the whiten teeth part was just stuck in there for humor. Get it? Well then,
snap out of it! – Oops. You should never tell anyone else to snap out of it.
They likely don’t want to snap out of it, or they think they’re not behaving in
any manner that merits snapping out. Bottom line, they’re going to kick you to
death.
The only person that I should tell
to snap out of it is me. Not “I”. I’m tired of using “I” when “me” sounds
better. And, I’m tired of worrying so much about not ending a sentence with a
preposition. Who came up with that rule? – “Okay, let’s say that from now on
you can’t end a sentence with “with” or “of” or “to” or “from” or a bunch of
other words we’ll come up with later. We’ll call them “prepositions” which
means words that sentences can't end in. – Okay, “in” is another word of which
sentences can’t end.
One thing that sparked my new "Snap out of it!" philosophy was telephone conversations I had with three of my siblings last
night. After listening to two hours of conversations laced with anger, sadness
and dread, I handed over whatever joy I had accumulated to that point. That’s
not happening anymore.
When someone tells me they’re upset
about something, I’ve always taken it as a cry for help. The person expects me
to solve their dilemma. I’ve been such a fool. Any person who knows me, knows that
I’m a bigger mess than they are. I’m the last person to trust with a cure for
any emotional ill.
But, starting this week, I’m not
going try to solve the problems of others. I’m just going to listen. Maybe occasionally
go, “Hmmm.” If I do that, people are sure to like me better. – Which,
incidentally brings up another reason that I must snap out of it.
I worry way too much about what
others think of me. Truth is, people aren’t thinking of me… or you. At least that’s the way I am when someone’s
talking to me. I'm too busy thinking of what I’m going to say when they stop
talking. I’ve likely missed out on some very important discussions.
I’ve never been a big fan of parties,
because I don’t like to mingle. Mingling is way too much work. For one thing, I
feel guilty for not remembering names. . -- “Hello, Mark!” -- Who the Sam Hill is this? All I can do is listen for a clue that will cause the name to surface. People can
be so stingy with name clues.
It matters not. I’m snapping out of
name guilt. – “Hello, Mark!” – “Whoa, I don’t know you from a box of bottles.
How ‘bout starting your next sentence with your name? – Too abrupt? Well, I’ll
work on it.
During conversations I much prefer
talking very little. I ask the person about himself, hoping he’ll takeover the
conversation. Unfortunately, some need some serious prodding. – “So how’s your
Mom doing?” – “She died five years ago, Mark. You were at her funeral.” –
“Right. So, how long have you had those shoes?”
See how bad I am at mingling? No more. Starting this
week I’ll be a free spirit at parties. – “So, Mac, John or Philip… whoever, tell
me something. Let’s see? Start from your first date in high school. I’ll tell you when to
stop.”
For whatever reason, I sense that God gave me the responsibility for ending any silence that lasts more than two seconds. I can listen
for up to five minutes to a completely ridiculous explanation of gastritis, but if there is a two-second pause I get terribly nervous.
If I’m in an elevator with a silent stranger, I feel
it necessary to say something to disturb the quiet. I might say -- “I’m headed
for the eighth floor. I like the number eight.”
That kind of behavior is behind me now. I realize
that there is only one person who can make me nervous or angry or sad or
embarrassed. Me. And me is snapping out of it. I am no longer responsible for
gaps of silence. I don’t care if no one says anything for five seconds, I’m
keeping my mouth shut. However, more than five seconds, and I’ll have to walk
away to keep from having a complete meltdown. No one can snap out of a complete
meltdown.
Keep in mind, I’m not recommending you try to snap
out of it. That usually ends badly. And, trying to change people for the better
is no longer a part of my job description. It’s a full-time job just trying to
fix me. However, I’m hoping that it will now be a little less work. I’m not
going to seize the day or smell the roses or reach for the stars. Those have
been so over done. I’m snapping out of it. And you wanna know something? It feels
better all ready. – I give it three days. – Next time.
end
mark@rooftopwriter.com
