2019 hope to do's

“New Year Hope to Do’s”

           

             I’ve made no secret of the fact that I’m through with making New Year’s resolutions. I’ve broken too many, too early in the year, thus making it apparent that I have weak resolve.

            However, I am going to start something that is easy peezy and carries absolutely no “guilt” when you fail. It’s brilliant!  I am making a list of things I hope to do this year. “Hope to Do’s for 2019.” -- Not to be confused with “Howdy Do’s” for 2019. That’d be stupid. 

            Of course, since I’m always thinking of others, I decided to collect the “Hope to Do’s” from members of the Hayter Clan. Last night I emailed family members and told ‘em to let me know what they hoped would happen this year. Nothing big, like, Peace in the Middle East or Global Cooling. 

Larry (Big Brother):  "Why aren't there any more Westerns on TV?"  When we were younger there might be three or four on some nights. They started out being about gunfights, good guys and bad guys - and then they started doing human interest stuff.

  Bonanza got terrible.  I've been watching some old Gunsmokes; they were really good and then as the years went by they must have run out of good writers. Now you seldom see a Western at the movies.  I used to think I wanted to be a cowboy - but I realized at that time they hadn't invented toilet paper yet.  I couldn't live that way.  end

            You tie all of that together and Larry is hoping for more TV Westerns along the line of the old 30 minute black and white Gunsmoke. I mean, Gunsmokes. I fear my brother is hoping against hope. I’m confident that Westerns will die off right after the Baby Boomers do.

            Rhonda Still (Niece):  I’d like to seek out the Aurora Borealis with my good ole Uncle Mark and Aunt Kay, or pretty much have a repeat of summer 2017; go to the beach and watch the waves while I dig my toes into the sand! Stare into the faces of loved ones and not their faces on my cell tiny cell phone screen. I want us to be together to enjoy the moments. – Okay, I’m getting too deep. And, it’s not humorous. I’ll give it some more thought!  end

            Not necessary, Rhonda. That was beautiful. And, that’s a “Hope to Do” of mine. Kay and I hope to go back to Washington State this year and have fun with a part of the family that hasn’t been with me long enough to wish I’d leave. A better time and more gracious hosts I’m not likely to ever find.

            Dennis (Older Brother): I want to have a Happy New Year. Literally. I mean, I want to be happier than I’ve been. Too much stuff going on. I’ve been busy as a cat in a house full of rocking chairs. end

            So true. If Dennis ever finds a day when he doesn’t have something to do, his wife, Dardon Ann, will either find or create something to keep him busy. 

            Nalin (Nephew – Dennis and Dardon’s boy): I want to win the lotto, and not like a couple of bucks. I mean the big one! Hundreds of millions. And I would like to buy a huge piece of property and be able to build houses for any of my family that would like to live there with me. We could have our own little “Hayter City”.

I would like to invent something that keeps socks together with their proper partner no matter how many times you wash them. I want to finish a bachelors degree, and coach high school baseball. Oh, and I wish there was no traffic ever! This is a big one! I don’t know how to carry out this dream but, imagine the huge boost in quality of life for everyone involved.

Glad to help, Uncle Mark. I will just pick up my royalties next time I see you. I am sure you will win some type of award for the ideas I gave you. end

            A great kid, Nalin. I’d be more than glad to live in Hayter City in a house that Nalin bought for me. That’s the kind of uncle I am. Royalties? Hope all you want.

            Jill (Kid sister): I’ve been taking drum lessons for a year. I’m a slow learner, mostly because I don’t practice enough. For 2019, I want to practice a lot more, and have a blast while doing it. I’m going to pick fun songs to play. I’m excited! end

Jill has one drum lesson for 30 minutes each week, yet she can read music well enough to know not only when to hit the cymbal, but which one to hit. And, she’s a Hayter!

Al (Kid brother):  In 2019, I have decided to talk less. I have finally learned that I have nothing of importance to say and I’m ok with that. And I wish for world peace, to be able to play an instrument, have more hair on my head (the very top) and less hair everywhere else. I also hope to read more, and get in better shape. I could tell you more, but my “less talking” starts now. end

            I told Al that if I waited until I had something important to relate, I would seldom talk and never write. Do I hear some “Amens!” out there? – I do hope you come up with your own “Hope to Do’s” for 2019. Please share them with me… expecting no royalties, of course.

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You can contact Mark at  hayter.mark@gmail.com. “The Summer of 1976” is still available on ebook at Amazon Books.

The Flu

The flu 

            I’ve had two flu shots in my life. Both were forced on me by continuous nagging. People who don’t even like me begged me to get a shot. When given the choice between an argument and a lie, I prefer the lie. -- “Yes, I got a flu shot back in March, two in November, and I’m going for another one as soon as you back away.

            When asked how effective this year’s flu shot is, a doctor being interviewed on a health segment of the news, replied, “There’s a 10 percent chance that this year’s vaccine will target the most active virus.” Ten percent? If there’s a ten percent chance that a shot will prevent a nuclear exchange, I’ll take the shot. But, to stave off some remote sickness, I prefer not to get a shot, or orifice probing, or testicular salve. That’s why I didn’t get a flu shot this year, nor any other year since the Soviet Union disbanded. In that time I only got the flu twice. At least I thought I did.

            Come to find out, I never had the flu… not until I started writing this year’s Christmas short story. I had just gotten home from the dentist, who pulled Tooth 19. It’s a molar on the bottom left-hand side. The only thing that might have saved the tooth was surgery, requiring the dentist to enter through my left ear. (I have trouble listening to doctors.)

            So, I got home feeling numb from my chin to my nose. My jaw was throbbing, my nose started running and I developed a headache. So, how to begin this year’s Christmas story? Why not have one of the characters be sick? Shortly after I started I began to get the chills. I longed for a grizzly bear blanket. (It’s part of the stupid Christmas story. Scroll down an article or two.)

            Part I of the story was supposed to be really short. Unfortunately, it grew because I was out of my mind and didn’t know where I was going. As I continued the story, my character started feeling somewhat better, while I kept getting sicker. Eventually, I mentioned a Part II for the story to be published the following week, and then quit..

            A week later, I began Part II. I felt no better. I had no idea the flu lasted that long. I was completely incapacitated. At one point, I remember Freeman calling to tell us that an ambulance had just carried Virginia to the emergency room because of chest pain. The doctor said there were so many flu cases, that there was only one bed left in the hospital. By the way, Virginia is fine. I don’t know what she had, but I don’t care, ‘cause she’s fine. If I let her describe what she had, I’d probably get it. I am suggestively vulnerable to any illness. Once I was even talked into a kidney stone.

            Fortunately. I apparently did not have a really bad case of the flu. Bad flu carriers are too sick to the leave the bed. I stayed in bed much of each day, but occasionally I’d drag my bones to the living room. I didn’t want to watch TV; I didn’t want to eat; and I wasn’t crazy about Kay’s singing. All I did was sit and stare… and try to figure out if I wanted to get up or stay put. The flu does something intense to one’s decision-making capabilities. Don't know if  you knew that.   

            On the morning before Christmas, I had a brief sense of wellness, so I went with Kay to HEB. We entered the store at 8:00 a.m. By 8:20, the place was packed. People didn’t know where or how to steer their carts. Everyone started talking really loud. I would stay at the end of the aisle where there was a display of something no one would want.  All I could do was stand and stare and try to decide that if I moved, where would I go?

            I kid you not, no matter where I moved, somebody would want to stand right where I was. -- “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was blocking the cinnamon flavored Q-Tips?” -- My only contribution to the shopping experience was to stick a gigantic block of cheese in the cart. No rhyme nor reason.

            By the time we got home, I was exhausted. I stayed in bed the rest of the day. A couple of days after Christmas I felt well enough to go to Walmart with Kay. I agreed to go, because I thought we were going to Home Depot.

            Kay had a grocery list that began with “bread” and ended with “soap dishes.” If you look at a list of the 10 hardest things to find at Walmart, you'll find "soap dish" at #3. Best to just buy a bag of Styrofoam dessert plates.

            When we got home from Walmart, I was mentally deranged, but not physically ill. And, I’ve been that way ever since. I now know what the flu is. It’s bad. I don’t ever want it again. But, I still refuse to get the vaccine. There's a 90% chance I'll get the wrong shot. I don't like those odds.

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Mark can be contacted at hayter.mark@gmail.com.