Shingles and water aerobics

August 18, 2019

“Finding Good in the Misfortune of Brad”

Brad: Before Shingles

 Have you ever had a strange skin disorder called shingles? Would you like to get one? Well, before you say yes, you need to talk to someone who has had shingles. I suggest Brad Meyer. I’ve seen the pictures of Brad’s shingles. They almost made me gag. I mean weep. Weep and gag.

Kay has also had shingles. She once got a spot on the side of her face. It bothered her a lot. I cautioned her not to scratch the rash or it’d go straight to her toes. Occasionally, one of those toes will claw my leg at night. Do you see where I’m going with this?

After Kay’s shingle episode, I got a shingle shot. A little while after that I went to my doctor, and he asked if I had gotten my shingle shot. When I told him I had, he said, “The new one?” -- Do you ever get the feeling that doctors laugh their buns off when you leave the room? “Did you get the new shingle’s shot?” 

After all, that, I told the doctor to go ahead and give me the NEW shingle shot, but he informed that I could only get one at the pharmacy? A shot you can only get at the pharmacy. If you scratch this thing, you’re going to uncover some nefarious goings on. I don’t think doctors are directly involved in the scheme. To be honest, I don’t think doctors have ever been to a pharmacy.

 I can go to the pharmacy at 2:30 in the pm and there will be a line. Can you imagine standing in that line for two days and having the pharmacy person say, “The new shingle shot? Let me get you in the computer, so you can go around the corner and wait in the shingle shot line. I’d rather get the shingles.

Brad’s shingles worked out pretty good for me. Three of you may remember that Brad and I play racquetball together. Due to my quick study, I’ve become almost as good as he is. Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to get on the court for several weeks, because Brad got the shingles. Remember? – By the way, don’t tell Brad that I mentioned that he got the shingles, or he’ll kill me. He will find me, and he will kill me. By the way, should I die a mysterious death in the next month or two, tell the police to interrogate Brad. Oh, and also Kay. 

The one good thing about Bradley’s ailment is the fact that it gave me the opportunity to take up water aerobics. When Brad and I played racquetball at the Y, the girls would be in the pool doing water aerobics with a bunch of old ladies. Oh, don’t repeat that to any old lady. Besides, there are usually three old men right in the midst of them. Because of Brad, I became the fourth.

Teena Sandberg is our water aerobics instructor. She is the best. She stands outside the pool and leads us in weird exercises while playing rock ‘n roll music. She likes Tom Petty! Speaking of free falling, if I were to try any of the exercise while outside the pool, I’d trip and crack my tailbone a nano-second before cracking my skull. If you’re afraid of the water, you may want to go just to watch and listen to Teena. That woman is a hoot.

 

Water aerobics happens every weekday morning at 9:00. I’m fairly sure that all ages are welcome, but it’s mostly the retired among us who are free most mornings. I believe Tuesdays and Thursdays are Teena’s days, however I’m sure the other instructors are equally talented. I doubt they have as winning personality, but who does?

Teena before the music starts

 Besides water aerobics, Kay and I are also experimenting with Tai Chi. Kay’s doing it to lower stress and improve her balance. I’m doing it for the martial arts training. I’m sick and tired of people parking their grocery carts in the middle of the aisles. In truth, we’re both doing it because it’s a gentle and calming exercise that is good for both body and mind. What I like is the fact that everything you do is in slow motion. The Chinese guy who came up with this is my hero. He’s actually got me believing that “slow is good.”

Even though Tai Chi is refreshing as all get out, I still have trouble maintaining any kind of exercise program. Any person who dreads a five-minute, slow motion, mental and physical exercise has some serious mental problems. It’s the thought of “having to do something” that messes me up. I’ve been known to do things spontaneously, but give me time to think or ponder any action that requires me to move, I’ll balk. 

Virginia might call and say, “Hey, do you and Kay want to go out and eat?” I’ll jump at the chance. Then she’s liable to say, “Okay, let’s make it Thursday at 6:00.” What? That can pretty much destroy an entire week for me. I immediately start thinking about “having” to do something on Thursday. I don’t care what it is, stuff written on my calendar stresses me out.

 I think I may bring that up with my doctor. He probably knows of a shot that will take care of it. Perhaps he would recommend a lobotomy. Like Tai Chi, a lobotomy is supposed to relieve all angst. I’m not sure that has been verified, because people who have undergone the process seem to be unable to clearly express their feelings

.

If I end up having one of those things, I’ll let you know. I’m fairly sure the operation will do nothing to damage my writing capabilities. – That shout of “Amen!” was just rude. 

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You can contact Hayter at hayter.mark@gmail.com

Pure Michigan

August 11, 2019

“The natives call it Pure Michigan”

Pat Carter sailing with Hayters at Lake Charlevoix

            Kay and I spent last week with a friend in Michigan. I should have mentioned that to you while we were there, but didn’t have time. Our friend, Pat Carter, hauled our buns all over the place. I didn’t get nearly enough nap time. I would’ve complained more than I did had Pat not let us stay with her in her leased condo on a luxurious resort.

           

            Pat actually lives around here, but was born and raised in Michigan. She spent some of her adult life living on a sailboat with her husband, Brad. Brad actually built the sailboat. Never built one before, but just had a hankering to build a sailboat. Pat would’ve gladly taken Kay and I for a sail, but she sold the boat a few years back when Brad developed cancer. I never got to know the man all that well, but Pat has told enough stories that make me see him as an old friend. Regardless, there is no way I would voluntarily live on a 26-foot boat… or a cruise ship, for that matter.   

            However, I have heard so many good things about Michigan that when Pat asked Kay and me to visit for a week, I was eager to fly out. I’ve heard great things about the non-Detroit part of Michigan. Were the accounts true, or were they just sneakers filled with sand? – That’s exactly what happened to my sneakers each time we waded along the beach in search of Petoskey stones. 

            Petoskey stones are grey to brownish, relatively round, smooth stones with dots and flowery spots on them. Seems Michigan and the entire Great Lakes area was once part of an ocean that gave way to glaciers that crunched up pieces of petrified coral. Apparently, the town of Petoskey called dibs on naming the coral stone, and named it Detroit. I mean Petoskey. The stones are rare enough to make the wading experience interesting, but just plentiful enough to make the search worthwhile.

            In one location, I found a beautiful stone and gave it to a kid who I thought might enjoy it more than I would. I didn’t realize that Kay would’ve enjoyed it much more had I given it to her. Unfortunately, when I handed the kid the stone he said, “No give backs.” In ’54, Michigan passed a law enforcing “No backs.” That’s the only thing that kept me from wrestling the rock away from the little squirt. At least, that’s what I told Kay. The girl is so gullible. If I make up a “fact” and add to it the time of its occurrence, she’s been known to fall for it. Not in this case, though.

           

            Moving right along, “Mackinac” is the French spelling of the island just east of the strait between Michigan’s Upper and Lower Peninsulas. (The French named the place after the tribe that lived there when they found it.) Turns out, any word in French that ends with a vowel followed by a consonant, the consonant is silent. So forget you even see the last “c” in Mackinac. Pretend you see a “w” because the British spelled the word according to the way it was pronounced -- “Mackinaw.”

            The city just south of the Island was originally called Michilimacinac, but the British weren’t going to put up with that, so they called it “Mackinaw City.” The British refused to play word games with the Frenchies.

            Most people above the age of 50 will likely remember that the movie “Somewhere in Time” with Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymour was filmed on Mackinac Island. The view to and from the gigantic and gorgeous Grand Hotel was a prominent feature in the film. My only view of The Grand was from the road, but it was a sight to see. Here's a link to a short Grand Hotel video Kay took. https://photos.app.goo.gl/MpwGhV1jgxfy7Pv56

            I expected our visit to the island to cost a lot, and everything we experienced supported my assumption. That means I wasn’t disappointed. The one thing that made the trip uncomfortable was the crowd. The density of life on that island surpassed that of Disney World on New Year’s Eve.

You may want to wait until October to make your trip. That’s when they’re supposed to be having a “Somewhere in Time” convention.

            Everything else we did in the northwest of Michigan was terrific. The state has the most fresh water coastline than any state in the lower 48. Beautiful sandy beaches. Once you step into the water, you’re pretty much stepping on rocks, some of which will be Petoskey stones.

            It was in the town of Charlevoix that I bought my only souvenir. It’s a cap with “Charlevoix” sewed onto the crown. I like the name. It’s the French name for a native tribe. Since the word ends with a vowel followed by a consonant, the “x” is silent. The locals’ pronunciation is Char-la-voy.

            The absolute best time during the entire trip was a boat ride we took up and down Torch Lake. Pat’s friends, Bob and Teri, live along the shore of the third most beautiful lake in the World. That’s what National Geographic called it a few decades back. The lake is 19 miles long and two miles wide at its widest point. The forest, the beachfront homes, and the sunset were among the most beautiful I’ve seen.

            With the exception of the crowds at Mackinac, everything about this trip turned out great. Michigan is a state that has most consistently beautiful scenery. And, Pat Carter is one of the finest hosts I’ve ever been hosted by. She would be the absolute finest had she quit griping about me  wanting to take afternoon naps.

           

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hayter.mark@gmail.com