New stuff to know

 

Hayter article for July 7, 2024

Learning stuff that doesn’t even hurt

 

            During the last couple of days, I have taken time to learn a bunch of stuff. I did it after reading articles about high school students not knowing how to write.

 

            I thought “Shame on them and a pox on their teachers.” The first article I read was written by a lady who made it a point to express her dismay at the realization that students don’t even know what a gerund is. That stopped me cold.

 

            I’m not the brightest bulb in the drawer, but who is? They’re in a drawer! Some of you may remember that I used to be smart. Fairly smart. I managed to get a Bachelor’s degree in Forestry, and then a Master’s in History and Political Science. And I did all of that without knowing what a gerund was.

 

During my college days, I had to write billions of research papers that Kay typed for me. I’m sure each one had gerunds in it. Not a single professor took the time to compliment me on my gerunds. I just looked up what a gerund is, and I don’t give a rat's rear knowing the name for turning a noun into a verb. I tell you that to tell you this, let’s get past gerunds! And move along to important stuff. I’ve got a whole list right here.

 

First off, I learned about beer drinkers. Do you know what country consumes more beer than any other? The country has been beer drinking champion for the past 25 years. Anybody? The winning country is the Czech Republic. On average, it’s citizens drink 38 gallons of beer in a year… 38 gallons of beer. Take one down, pass it around--I’m sorry. I get caught up in music.

 

You may remember that the Czech Republic used to be part of Czechoslovakia. But there was a rift and they broke away from the Slovakians.  By the way, no European country is even close to beating the Czechs in beer consumption… or jail capacity for drunks.

 

Next: Which was invented first -- alcohol or the wheel? Turns out, geologists found evidence of alcohol consumption in China as far back as 9000 years ago. They discovered it from caked-on booze inside some pottery. The earliest examples of the wheel go back a mere 5700 years. That’s too soon. Of course,  round flat rocks from 10,000 years back were discovered, but they were used to play with… according to one imaginative geologist. 

 

Speaking of tea, it’s a recent beverage for the Brits. In 1968 only three percent of the British drank tea, because it was too expensive. In 1952, Lipton invented the flow-thru teabag. The world went crazy. The Brits? No big deal. Researchers with not enough to do, have discovered that today 96 percent of the British drink tea. They prefer raising the water temperature to 185 degrees. At 186 degrees it’s ruined. And if the cream goes into the tea, it will be too mild. You always add the tea to the cream. If any British visited my house, they’d toss my metal tumbler across the room.  

 

Let’s leave tea and jump into coffee. The appeal for coffee is inherited. It does my heart good that scientists took the time to research that. I was the first child of Elsie and Faris who liked coffee. My oldest brother Larry drinks it but only to keep him awake.  He doesn’t like the stuff, perhaps because HE DRINKS IT BLACK! 

 

In 1885 Dr Pepper was first marketed in a town called Waco. Like Coca-Cola, Dr. Pepper has a complicated secret formula. One important thing about the formula is that it contains absolutely no prune juice. That was a rumor for a good while. Nobody knows how Dr Pepper got its name or why “Dr” has no period after it. For a while people referred to it as Pepper Cola. But they stopped after it was learned that there was no “cola” in it. There’s a lot of confusion in the name, you ask me.

 

My favorite Dr Pepper is called “Dr. B” from HEB. I like it because it’s cheaper than the original Dr P, it’s more favorable, and it has a period after the Dr.

 

We’re going to end with Santa Claus. At the beginning this guy didn’t look a thing like today's Santa Clause. He was a short guy in a red jacket. He couldn’t Ho, Ho, Ho if you put a gun to his head. But, in 1931, Coca-Cola wanted a better-looking Santa to advertise their Cola. There were no copyrighting issues on the old ones, and there were many. So Coke hired an artist named Haddon Sundblom who is responsible for the appearance of today’s Santa.

 

He looks like a real Santa. He’s jovial and polite. He has a terrible laugh, but he was born with that. Santa looks so much better that they now hire him to appear in stores, so small kids can sit on his lap and cry. Santa was once in the Foley’s Christmas Parade in Houston. The first and only time Dad took us there, the crowd along the street was packed, so Daddy put me on his shoulders. It was the day Dad learned that I was afraid of heights. I cried like a baby. Actually, I screamed. Daddy lost a lot of respect for me that day, and never took us back to the parade.  

 

Okay, all of this you just read is only a small part of the fascinating stuff I ran across. As my daddy would say, “It’s now time to get back to my rat killing.” -- First, I’m going to grab an HEB Dr. B. – Next time.

 

end

Eternity and infinity

 

Hayter article for June 30, 2024

“When ignorance was bliss”

 

 

 

I read something last week that blew me away. Not literally. That would be stupid. No, it was about an odd brain defect that is scary as all get out. The mental defect is Prosopagnosia. I’m thinking it has six syllables.

 

The brain disease prevents you from remembering the faces of people, or even your own face. Kay told me that Brad Pitt has it. He doesn’t enjoy being in a room with many people, some of whom he’s supposed to know.

 

I read about one case where after someone with the disease saw a person crying, he would recognize that person the next time he saw him, but only if he was crying. I suppose someone who couldn’t quit crying would make a good friend of person with Proso infection. Weird as all get out.

 

The only tolerable symptom of the malady is that an inflicted person can still remember the sound of your voice. He couldn’t pick you out of a lineup, but if you say, “Hey, I’m over here.” That would work. Unfortunately, there’s another strain of the disease that blocks one’s memory of a person’s face and the sound of the person’s voice. That is beyond cruel.

 

Scientists have yet to come up with a cure for “Proso”. If you’re born with it, it means a small portion of your brain near the back is missing, and as of today, it’s been impossible to duplicate it. You can also get it from a knock on the lower portion of the back of your head. That can cause a lesion that turns off your ability to read faces. Certain illnesses can also cause it.

 

Everyone with Alzheimer's will get it. My sister, Lynda, knew me fine from the beginning of her Alzheimer's. Two years later she couldn’t pick me out of a lineup. If I saw her in the hallway of the hospital, she would smile as if she knew me, but she did that to anyone who took a moment to stop to say “hello”. Too soon, her smile vanished. Alzheimer’s must cause a lesion at the back of your skull that hampers you from recognizing faces.

 

I was in a fairly good mood before finding out about this hideous defect. I felt particularly sad after reading that one lady with the disorder said, "I can't recognize people's faces because I can't remember them. But I know me. I just don't know my face."

I about cried after reading that. It makes me recall a passage from one of Thomas Gray’s few poems. I’m sure you’ve heard and recited it multiple times. -- “Where ignorance is bliss, ‘tis folly to be wise.” -- In my case, it would read, “‘tis folly to learn stuff.”  

I choose now to leave depression and enter the world of wonderment. I’m going to take us on a short ride into infinity and eternity. Hey, we’re already in both of them at this very minute. Last night I found some of my notes on the two subjects. Simply put, eternity deals with limitless time. That’s easy to note. Infinity relates to the endless universe or the never-ending negative and positive numerals. That may have been mathematically proved, just not in any way I could discern.

In eternity there is no beginning and no end. It’s like infinity in the sense that it goes on forever. The mind of most humans tells us that everything has to start somewhere!” If you’re dealing with time, you generally think, “Well what was going on before time?”

In infinity, there is no ending of distance in space or of energy. If there is a heaven for people who lived a bazillion, trillion years ago, you might ask if they’re still happy. And if they’re not, ask them how long it took for them to get that way.

I’m thinking that most of us are hoping for a place in heaven. If we’re welcomed into such a place, you might find others who are literally not of this world. I’m assuming we’re not the only planet with somewhat intelligent beings. Of course, we know the saying about what happens when you “assume”. I can’t remember, but you might.

If the Universe never ends, how can God occupy an eternal position everywhere at the same time?  To the human mind, time and space cannot be determined in infinity, because there is no starting point or ending. It’s the same with eternity. -- If only our brains were capable of at least imagining such a thing. I guess Einstein came the closest. He may not have understood it, but he probably came up with an equation for no beginning and no end.

As far as I know, I have never seen God or heard Him speak. I will need evidence of at least one of those events before I can toss away my faith, trust, and belief. Right now all three are bound by hope. Hope is a dear gift.

As a teenager, I was in a Sunday morning class at church, and the preacher was the teacher. I remember asking him a question. I can’t recall the question, but at the time it was really weighing on me. After hearing my question, he said, “Mark, if God wanted us to know about that kind of stuff, He would have told us.”

Obviously. However, next Sunday, I’m going to ask our new preacher – “Jake, would you explain to me why God introduced Prosopagnosia to the world? – Between now and then, I’ll have to learn how to pronounce it.

end

hayter.mark@gmail.com

Virginia and Freeman 60 Anniversary

 

Hayter article for June 23, 2024

Virginia and Freeman’s 60^th Wedding Anniversary

 

Wednesday was the 60^th Wedding Anniversary of Freeman and Virginia Pliler. Their son, Michael, hosted a celebration at Vernon’s Kuntry Katfish, which has been completely restored since the latest flood.  As was Golf World which is next door to Vernon’s. Golf World owner Jeremiah Johnson also had a whale of a job getting his place good to go. But then, he doesn’t serve catfish.

Regardless, I think it necessary to tell you something about the history of the Plilers and the Hayters relationship. Virginia and Free were married for eight years before Kay and I met them. I imagine both of them got along fine during that near-decade.

Had it not been for the Dispatcher at the Texas Forest Service, District 6, we would’ve never known the couple. Rodger Parker, Virginia’s Dad, was the dispatcher. Kay and I married shortly after I got a job as a Forester for the TFS. My new job opened the door for Kay and me to get married. It was November at the time, and we planned to tie the knot during the Christmas holidays.

When I mentioned it to Rodger, he said, “Why wait? You get Thursday and Friday off for Thanksgiving. Why don’t you two get married over the weekend?” Duh. We got married in the Preacher’s office on the Friday after Turkey Day. Both of our parents were there to witness it, so we’re good.

I had been working for the TFS for a few weeks when Rodger invited Kay and me to his house for supper. It was there that we got to meet Virginia and Freeman, as well as Rodger’s wife Ruby. What a jewel… which happened to be Ruby’s middle name. Meeting those four people was among God’s greatest gift to Kay and me. 

Rodger and Ruby are no longer with us, so for several years now, it’s always been the Plilers and Hayters. Their son, Michael, was a youngster when Kay and I met him. He’s a bit older now, but still as caring and helpful as ever. As I mentioned, he’s the one who planned the celebration for his Mom and Dad’s anniversary. It was terrific. And Michael brought along a delicious and beautiful Anniversary cake.

I could tell many stories about the Adventures of The Plilers and Hayters, but I only have time for one or two. Thanks to our friend, Darrel Jackson, the Plilers and Hayters got to use his camper a lot. Darrel might’ve gone with us, but his camper would only handle four adults.   

I can’t tell you all of the places we went in Darrel’s camper. On one occasion we camped on Lake Somerville. During the evening, we were sitting in lawn chairs, digesting our supper, when across the lake, some stadium lights appeared. A few minutes later, we heard drums playing. Hokey Smokes! There was going to be a high school football game!

Freeman drove us over there, and we got to see the Somerville Yeguas play… somebody. We also got to sit on what I hope is the first and only stone stadium in the country. No metal bleachers with wooden slats. This was a solid structure of rocks held together by cement. It pressed some serious dents in my rear.

The Yeagua marching band didn’t have many members, so a couple of cheerleaders grabbed some instruments and a few football players took off their shoulder pads and joined the band. I thoroughly enjoyed watching a football game played on such an interesting scale. The game was my most memorable football experience.

A few years back, I wrote an article about the experience. That leads me to the story of how I became a columnist. It’s tightly tied to Virginia. After one of the Pliler/Hayter tubing episodes, Virginia recommended I write an article about it and submit it to the Courier. With her encouragement, I chose to share a story about a camping trip we took near New Bransfel. I believe it was our first tubing adventure

At Virginia’s behest, I submitted the article to the Courier. Get this. Editor Barbara Fredricksen agreed to print the piece in the Courier’s June 6, 1980, Sunday Plus section. But first, she sent a photographer to take photos of me sprawled out on an innertube floating in the San Jacinto River under the I-45 overpass.  

After the publication, Fredricksen awarded me with a weekly column. It wouldn’t have happened without Virginia’s coaxing.

          A few years later, Virginia mentioned that now that her son Michael was in school she wanted to be more involved. Then I asked what she would like to do. Turns out, she always wanted to be a teacher. I told her to quit wishing and get her rear to Sam Houston University. She did and upon graduation, she got a job teaching English at Conroe High. She was an exceptional, well-respected, and liked English teacher. I would be proud to claim credit, but Virginia would’ve gotten there without me. 

          And Freeman? He and I have helped one another a lot over the years. Free did most of the helping. For a good while, Freeman would get calls regularly from people who needed his help. Good ol’ Free would always be there for you.

          Kay and I have lost a lot of friends during our passage through life. We lost a bunch because of our occasional need to relocate. And we lost several through their passing. Fortunately, God has blessed us with our continuing friendship with Virginia and good ol’ Free. Of course, Kay has always been their favorite. I can’t compete with that woman.

 end

hayter.mark@gmail.com