Tombstone picture

“The Slow Motion Walk”

In which camp do you find yourself? Are you one of the ones who are glad that Christmas is over, or do you feel just a bit sad that it’s past?

I have never found myself in the former camp. That’s the one I mentioned first. I have to think a bit before I can distinguish between “latter” and “former.” It’s the same way with “stratosphere” and “mesosphere.” I can’t remember which is furthest. Or farthest. I also get those two confused. Farthest? That doesn’t sound right. Can we get past this?

Some of you may be sad about Christmas because you got lousy stuff. Hey, I feel your pain. I’ve experienced your pain. Can’t say that for my brothers. They loved what I got ‘em. They don’t appreciate all the trouble I went through to create their gift, though. About wore me out.

Let me tell you what I came up with. I know you’re eager to know. I got this great idea to find a photo from the movie “Tombstone” -- the picture of the Earp brothers and Doc Holiday walking toward the OK Corral -- and superimposing the faces of my brothers and me over the characters. Is that not cool?

I’m sure you realize that I was once in a movie where I walked in slow motion with Big Al and some others on our way to a showdown. You remember that, don’t you? “Asylum of the Scorpion” one of the Walker-Cable productions? Al and I were walking in slow motion with a bunch of other residents of an insane asylum. We were armed with garden implements on our way to a showdown with an armed gang of outlaws. As cool as that sounds, it was not nearly as epic as the scene in “Tombstone.”

That’s what I was after, the coveted Doc Holiday, Virgil Earp, Wyatt Earp and Morgan Earp photo. Only with Larry, Dennis, Al and me. Of course two of you are thinking that changing faces on a movie photo is illegal. That’s just silly thinking. As long as you don’t make money off of the photo tampering, it’s somewhat legal. Bound to be.

The major problem with the Tombstone project had to do with doing it. I can’t do superimposing stuff and cutting and pasting and all of that computer artwork. But, I know somebody who can.

Do you know Brad Meyer? He’s the county restaurant review guy that I hang around with occasionally. Mostly for meals. Y’all know him? The man is techno-literate. That’s why I asked him to do the Tombstone picture. He stumbled at the chance.

Brad told me to find the appropriate pictures of the brothers, figure out whose head I wanted on which Earp, and he would take it from there. Turns out I had the more difficult job. Do you know how many decent photos I have of Dennis and Larry without their glasses on? Those goobers were born with glasses. They’ve worn glasses longer than Clark Kent.

I found two pictures that I thought would do. Unfortunately, Brad told me that the heads weren’t positioned right. Your body can’t be heading straight while your head is leaning hard to the left. You’d look like Tim Roth.

Larry’s facial position best fit Virgil Earp, so that’s where Brad put him. Al’s head fit the Wyatt’s walk, so my kid brother got the coveted Kurt Russell role. Dennis ended up being on the far right. That made him Morgan Earp. Me? My head didn’t fit any of ‘em. Of course, Brad had to make me Doc Holliday ‘cause he was the only one left. There were only four guys walking, and he couldn’t just add a fifth figure to match my head. I even asked him. Made him say a bad word, I did.

So I ended up being a tough fit. Brad swapped out 10 photos of me before finding the one that looked decent. They all looked decent to him, but that’s ‘cause he wanted out of the project. -- “Look, Nimrod, I’m not doing this again. You can take it or leave it!” – He said that about eight times. Said it mean, too.

It was just too hard for my face to act like I had a Doc Holiday body. The picture of me that he finally used was one taken about 25 years ago. He had to do the same thing for Dennis and Larry. He used older pictures with younger faces. Kind of like “latter and former.” Turns out Big Al, the youngest brother, ended up looking the oldest. Since he got to be Wyatt, he didn’t mind so much.

Yep, the brothers really liked what I got ‘em. Jill? Not so much. Susan? She lives in Washington. I have no idea what to get a Washatonian. Kay? She might as well live in Washington. Bottom line, I have trouble with women. Can’t buy good gifts for ‘em, either.

So, the girls ended up in the happy-Christmas-is-over camp. Oh, and Brad did too. He was in no way happy before Christmas. And, after Christmas? Well, I’m supposed to stay away from him for a couple of weeks into the New Year. Says he needs “No Mark” time. Hey, I feel his pain.

END

You can view Brad and Mark’s restaurant review of Little Tokyo Restaurant by clicking below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQX0c4ZHv00