Didn't know what hit 'em.

“Incredible Pizza”

    Until things cool down, our family get-togethers will be held at eating establishments somewhere in neutral territory. We’ve got family in Pasadena, La Porte, The Woodlands, Willis and Conroe.

Of course, our sister Sue lives in Washington State, so we’ve been excluding her from our gatherings. I’m not apologizing for that, either. If you choose to move a couple thousand miles away from family, you’re gonna get left out.

Last month’s gathering was held at Incredible Pizza in Conroe. Jill picked the place. She lives in a La Porte, and apparently likes to be on the road. I was good with the idea, ‘cause it’s only a 15 minute drive for me, and ‘cause it’s buffet. I don’t understand buffet. Do they realize you can eat all you want? Just makes no sense to me.

The only drawback to the Incredible Pizza had to do with the timing. Timing is so important in life. Whether you’re telling a joke, cooking a roast or approaching an amber light, timing is crucial.

Unfortunately, Jill timed our confab for Saturday evening. I don’t care if it’s Incredible Pizza, Chuck E Cheese or a trip to Wal-Mart, Saturday evening is not a good time for grownups… unless you want to rumble.

Though Kay and I were not the first to arrive at I P, it was obvious that I was going to have to be the one to take charge. You have no idea the hurt that comes from being the one to take charge. But, who’s gonna do it? “You, Kaffee? The truth is, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall!” – Whoa. What was that?

Anyway, Hayters were filling plates and then wandering all over the place. -- Where do we sit? Where are the bigger plates? Why would I want a salad? – People were getting testy. Dennis got into a fight with two nine-year-olds. He could’ve probably handled one. I kept telling him they’d bring more pizza.

I finally told Kay to gather up the mavericks, while I found a place for us to camp.
I went to a boss-looking person and asked if we could take over one of the special birthday rooms. “No, they’re all taken,” she lied. Hey, I don’t blame her. I’m pretty sure the manager at the Chinese buffet in Deer Park called her. She acted like she had heard of the Hayters.

I ended up leading everyone to the giant theatre room. They were airing a weird Japanese animated feature. Wait a minute. That’s redundant. We decided against watching the feature. None of the other losers in the room cared to watch, either. We just ate. It was way dark in that theatre, which made it so easy to steal off one another’s plates.

The biggest thief was Levi. That’s my nephew Clint’s youngest. From his high chair he had a grab range radius of 4 feet. By the way, Clint and Joanna named their kids Jasmine, Cash, Violet and Levi. I think Clint was looking to make a TV series called “Bonanza: The Next Generation”

After realizing the food would never run out, most of us slowed our eating pace. Once finished, we ran to the game area, a massive place with bumper cars, an iceless iceskating rink, putt putt golf and 179 other games. The brothers and Clint played Putt Putt. I lost bad. The game looks so much easier than it is.

The kids played with… well, everything. It didn’t cost all that much for the youngest to play. Seems the boat, car, spaceship games show the vehicles racing on the screens even when you don’t put tokens in. The kids would sit there and turn the steering wheel back and forth thinking they were actually directing the thing. I even caught myself doing it. Kids are dopes.

Probably won’t surprise you to know that we were among the last to leave. Yeah, we pretty well closed down Incredible Pizza. We even got cheers from the staff as we left. Some of those people are good actors.

I have no idea where we’re meeting this month. If I get to pick, it’ll be 10:45 at Luby’s. Those people won’t know what hit ‘em. 

END

   
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