Already got my gift

“Chair prints”

    I already got my Christmas gift for the year. See if you can tell what it is. – No, not Scotch Tape. Look, Ernie, if you’re not going to be serious, we’re quitting this game right now. – It’s the chair! See? New desk chair.

    Boy, did I need a new chair. Several of you complained about how much the old one creaked. I oiled it, tightened the bolts and adjusted the big knob on the bottom. The mystery knob. Nothing. Over a period of 15 years it evolved into a creakazoid.

A Creakazoid lookalike 

The relic is over there in the corner. What do you do with an old, noisy desk chair that’s got your seat print branded on it? If I could convince someone that it was JFK’s seat print, I could sell it for a bunch of bucks. But, that would be wrong. Would that be wrong?

    Speaking of which, the new chair has touched the rear ends of others. I don’t know how many. Sixty-three maybe. It was a display model at Office Depot. We visited O D to find a desk lamp for Kay. I’m not good at looking for Kay stuff. Whatever I pick out is always wrong. Not sometimes wrong. I can’t even pick stuff out for me.

    Back at Office Depot, Kay told me to quit playing with the LED curly necked lamp, so I decided to get out of her space and go look at the desk chairs. Told her I wouldn’t mind if Santa got me one for Christmas.

    Do you know how many desk chairs they’ve got at Office Depot? It looks like the layout of the interior of a 747 with all different seats. I sat in half of ‘em. Some chairs you can tell without sitting that they’re all wrong. The expensive ones were all comfy. I don’t know how that works.

    Kay joined me just I was trying out the center section, aisle eight. “Did you sit in this one? How ‘bout this one? Oh, look over here.” Kay was all over the place. Had no idea that I had developed a system.

She settled on the $80 chair. It was reduced from $170. That’s a technique Grant’s Five and Dime started back in 1953. Did it with a set of stick horses that weren’t selling. Put up a sign that read -- “Fifty cents! Reduced from $4.75.” It was the most expensive stick horse I ever owned. A little skittish at first, but fast.

Kay wanted to buy the chair right then and there. I thought we should wait for Christmas, but she feared the sale would be over. Talked me into it. I was going to wheel the chair out, but Kay said we needed to get one in a box. It cost more to get it assembled. She said the chair would be easy for me to put together. I knew she was mistaken ‘cause I’m the one who assembled the creakazoid.

Kay has an exaggerated view of my mechanical aptitude. If you don’t believe me, go look at the toilet in there. Just needed a new flapper. New flapper, my hairy toes! I may have it back in running order by Christmas.

Back at Office Depot, it turned out that luck jumped on my back and road me like a five-year-old on a four wheeler. The Home Depot girl said that the demo model was the only cheap chair they had left. The things had been selling like, uh… reduced from $170 chairs.

Then she told me that since it was the floor model I’d get $10 off the price. Do you know what that means? Any idea? No, be quiet, Ernie. It means that they paid me $10 to assemble my chair for me. You can’t beat a deal like that.

So, here it is. Santa came early this year. Not for Kay. I’ve still got to find something for her. She says she wants a bicycle. Wants one for me too, so we can race away from neighborhood dogs together.

The bicycles she wants for us are at Academy. She thinks I should get ‘em and assemble ‘em between now and Christmas. Christmas 2011. What a joker girl.

END
To view Brad and Mark’s review of Yucatan Taco Stand, click on pic below.