What? Run outta movie ideas?

“TV to Movies”

    Kay was right. Yesterday she told me they were making a movie about The Lone Ranger. I seldom doubt Kay, but of all the Westerns to choose from… The Lone Ranger?

Why on earth would they do that? Are there no more decent stories out there, that they’ve got to dig down in the well of the Been Done? Our generation is the only one that has even heard of The Lone Ranger, and
Hollywood never makes a movie aimed at us.

How many of you over 30 have ever heard of “Hunger Games?” Supposed to be a buster of blocks, yet, it was as foreign to me as Tibetan poetry until I saw the trailer last week. I’m not considered any film producer’s audience.

 That’s what I told Kay. In so many words. When I finished, she said, “Guess who’s gonna play Tonto?” – “Al Pacino?” I didn’t care. --“Johnny Depp,” she said.

Hokey smoke, Bullwinkle! I ran to the computer and googled Depp. Sure enough, there was a photo of him as Tonto sitting on a pinto…or sawhorse. I could only see him from the waist up, but you could tell he was straddling something.  His face was all painted and he had a stuffed crow sitting atop his head.

Something tells me Depp will do a great job… as long as he doesn’t try his Jack Sparrow voice again. He needed to bury that thing after “ Pirates I.” Too much of a cute thing. 

The Native American lobby will have a fit over Depp playing Tonto, and rightly so. They better have at least given Wes Studi a shot at the role. Regardless, Johnny Depp! He could play almost anybody. Gabby Hayes, even.

Still, one has to ask why movie producers feel the need to revisit old TV series. Particularly the less interesting ones. Car 54, Dukes of Hazzard, George of the Jungle, McHale’s Navy… Oh, and “The Lone Ranger.” The guy never shot to kill. He just nicked the occasional arm or leg. Mostly he shot the gun out of the bad guys’ hands. Not exactly “Wild Bunch” stuff.

Westerns that should’ve been considered for movies are

This is the character ripe for a movie. 

Have Gun Will Travel, Johnny Yuma, Yancy Derringer, Sugarfoot… Uh, scratch Sugarfoot. The others deserve a place on the big screen. 

I read I read years ago that “H G W T” was in the planning stage and that John Travolta was going to play Paladin. Nothing more was ever said. It’s like one of the three dozen cures for cancer that appear on the news, but are never heard of again. I really hate that.

There are a few current TV series that I would consider movie worthy. “Castle” is not one of ‘em. That is among the poorest written series out, and Kay and I watch it every week. We like Nathan Fillion. Did you ever see the “Firefly” sci-fi series he was in? I consider it among the best ever. Probably why it got cancelled.

If you ever watch Castle, I wish you’d notice how Castle and Becket no sooner mention a problem in an investigation than one of the other two detective guys walks up with information related to it. Oh, and notice how the four main characters will be in a room and each take turns continuing the other person’s train of thought.

Beckett: “He ran away from home at the age of 12”
Castle: “Robbed a bank in Cloverdale in ‘98.
Detective #1: “Did a dime at the Fishkill Unit.”
Detective #2: “Was spotted in town yesterday, so he could be our perp.”

    I’m assuming  screenwriters believe it’s easier for actors to remember lines if they know to talk right after the person on their left. Stuff like that kills brain cells. There was a study done of that at Panola College. At least there should’ve been.

I guess that means 20 years from now they’ll make a movie of “Castle.” Johnny Depp will probably play Kate Beckett. He’ll use his Jack Sparrow voice. 

END

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