Breakfast with JIll, Cheryl and Flint Rock

“Breakfast conversation”

    If I hadn’t just finished breakfast at IHOP with Jill, Cheryl and Clint Rock, I’d be so much less informed than I am at the moment. Did you know that Clint’s dog ate his expensive running shoes? Well, you should’ve been at breakfast with us.

    By the way, Clint Rock is Big Al’s boy. His real name is Clint Ross, but when Dennis heard the name, he changed it Flint Rock. Over the years the “Flint” vanished, but the “Rock” stays on. Isn’t this fascinating?

    Oh, and Cheryl? Cheryl is my niece. My sister Lynda’s daughter. Cheryl and Jill got up this idea to go to Wimberley during their Market Days weekend. I have never visited Wimberley on a weekend. On a Market Day weekend, you would have to duct tape me to the top of your Dodge Caravan to get me there.

    One big draw to the Central Texas trip is zip-lining. Jill actually made zip-line reservations. Zip-line? Oh, a cable stretched down a hill, and you sit on a small contraption attached to a pulley that zips you down the incline. I’ve done it once on a rather small scale, and it was a blast.

Oh, and I should probably tell you that the trip to Wimberley was the reason for eating breakfast out. I told Jill and Cheryl that if they visited Kay and me before leaving, I’d buy ‘em breakfast. They bit. So did Clint Rock.

Clint is not going to Wimberley, but he enjoys eating breakfast out. I didn’t tell him I was buying till after he ordered. His Uncle Mark is not a complete idiot.

    I also got Jill and Cheryl a big bag full of snacks for their trip. I’m the best snack buyer in the universe. Well, maybe the galaxy. I always buy people what I like, and I like only the good stuff. A trip without cashews and peanut M&Ms is wasted mileage.

    The conversation during breakfast was cool as all get out. Did you know that Clint’s dog ate his high priced running shoes? Well, it did. The dog is shrewd as all get out. No fence can keep it in. The dog will climb, dig, and chew it’s way out of any enclosure.

Get this – Clint is a roughneck on an oilrig near Odessa. The mangy mutt took up residence at the rig, so Clint took it home after one of his shifts. An oilrig dog? For the kids? Fenced up in the backyard? Of course it’s gonna eat your shoes. It’ll eat your shoes, garden rake, Hotwheels track, Swifter duster and garden hose. It’s an oil rig dog! Sheesh.

Oh, and something else. Both Jill and Cheryl are now vegetarians. Did you know that? After watching a documentary on meat processing, they both swore off meat. I haven’t seen the documentary. Don’t intend to. It must’ve been sadder than sad. So sad that Jill and Cheryl gave away their sausage and bacon at breakfast. How great is that?

By the way, Clint is training for an Iron Man competition. That’s where you swim, bike and run for a really long ways. I think it’s the same distance as from here to Des Moines. You might wanna check me on that.

Clint has participated in some Mud Runs. Mudders. That’s where you run on an oval linoleum track… or over a muddy obstacle course. I get ‘em mixed up. After the Mudders, Clint now thinks it’s time he moves on to the Iron Man competition. Only problem is, his dog ate his running shoes. He’s gonna get him some better ones… ones made of oilrig-dog hide. It’s a newly processed synthetic material recently developed in the area.

Can you believe that Jill, Cheryl and Clint each have been experiencing leg cramps at night. I told ‘em about how Kay and I manage to stave off our leg cramps by keeping a bar of soap at the foot of the bed under our fitted sheet. I’ve written about it before.

However, if you’re not gullible enough to try soap, it might be good to know that mustard will cure the cramp once you get one. Only, don’t spread the mustard on your fitted sheet. Just keep some on the nightstand and when you get cramp take a spoonful. Assuming you can balance a spoon while cramping.

Pickle juice is supposed to do the same thing. Scientists say that mustard stops cramping because it’s, uh, yellow. The pickle juice works ‘cause it’s got ribitonans in it. – No, I do not remember the actual reasons, but these are close.

    We talked about a bunch of other cool stuff, but the editor is signaling me to wind it down. Let me just say that Clint left IHOP for the grocery store and Jill and Cheryl headed out to The Hill Country.

Me? I’m up here in the study recommending that you take someone to breakfast this week. Just don’t tell ‘em you’re buying till after they order. I’m just saying. – Next time.

End

You can contact Mark at mark@rooftopwriter.com