I haven’t been all that pleased with the movie releases this year. I just felt the need to vent. It hasn’t helped.
I could’ve saved that tidbit of news for my family and inner circle of friends, but they don’t go to the movies. I’m not even sure they rent movies. Most of ‘em won’t even own up to watching TV. They apparently come home and just sit around with their families. I’d do that, but Kay would probably make me leave at about mid-week.
That’s partly why I take her to the movies on occasion. That and the popcorn. This year, the popcorn has been grand, but the movies not so much. I can’t even tell you the last movie we went to see. We actually went two weeks back, but I can’t tell you what we saw. I shelled out $27 for a movie and popcorn, and I don’t know what I watched. What’s the matter with that picture?
I really hate the thought of paying $27 for a good movie and great popcorn, but I get almost sick when I think of spending that much money for a forgettable movie and great popcorn.
That’s why I went to the RedBox last weekend. You know, that cubed contraption outside the grocery store that has the flap on it that will not stay up? The box was engineered for people with a third arm. Or a long nose.
The flap is there, so that the glare won’t ruin the screen. Moving the box so it faces north or south might have the same effect, but I’m only guessing here. The other thing I’m not crazy about are the people waiting behind me. They’ve never acted rude to me, but I know they’re thinking rude thoughts. I get so self-conscious sometimes.
That’s why I had Kay help me the last time I rented something. I was looking for “47 Ronin.” You know, Keanu Reeves and 46 other Ronin? bunch of Ronin? I don’t really know what a Ronin is, but I know what you call 47 of ‘em. You call ‘em “Ronin.” The word itself is plural.
I Googled “Ronin” and found out that they were Japanese warriors. That explains why Keanu Reeves was one of ‘em. White actors get to play just about anything they want. Hey, John Wayne was once Genghis Khan.
Regardless, I still haven’t seen “47 Ronin” because the RedBox was out. I did get to see the preview, though. I mean THE TRAILER. Someone stole the word “preview” and replaced it with “trailer.” The words are interchangeable. A preview is a sample of something that’s on it’s way, while a trailer is something that lags behind.
Where was I? Oh, yeah, I’m back at the RedBox with Kay, and I’ve discovered that the box is Roninless. It’s sans Ronin. Someone else was obviously desperate enough to rent the thing.
I would’ve walked away right then and there, but Kay saw the display for “Frozen,” the animated movie about the princesses and the stupid snowman character. And, it wasn’t even cute and funny. I know that now, because I ended up watching the thing with Kay. That just shows the kind of husband I am.
However, before going home with the movie, I went to Sam’s and bought a giant bag of Boom Chicka Pop. (I didn’t make that up.) Chicka pop is popcorn with a hint of sugar. I normally don’t like sweet popcorn unless it comes with a prize. But, this Boom Chicka stuff turned out to be gopher food. I just kept wanting to “go for” more. Get it? (That joke was first told back in 1842 by a plainsman, named Reggie Mock. Perhaps you saw the movie.)
Chicka Pop helped get me through “Frozen.” Not having seen “47 Ronin” I can’t tell you how much better it was than “Frozen.” I can tell you this, though. Forty-seven Ronin don’t sing nearly as much as Disney princesses do. Those girls would not shut up with the singing.
There is only one halfway decent song in the entire movie. It’s called “Let it go.” It goes something like this.
“Let it go, let it go. Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go, Turn away and slam the door…”
The song is melded in my brain, because Kay stole the remote from me, so I couldn’t fast-forward through all the singing. I forgot to take the remote with me to the kitchen when I went back for more Chicka Pop. I’m usually so much more alert. I tell you, that stuff is gopher food.
End
Mark@rooftopwriter.com
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