I got an e-mail today from somebody who is concerned about whether or not I’m experiencing hearing loss. I like it when someone seems to care about me. It’s like when a friend says, “Boy, you’re putting on a few pounds aren’t you?” I always appreciate a well intentioned heads-up.
The hearing loss e-mail was particularly well received, because I needed something to share with both Kay and Virginia. I don’t need to share it with Freeman because he knows he can’t hear. Freeman has even given up pretending he can. I respect that.
Kay and Virginia are a long way from accepting their hearing problems. Last week we had our usual eating-out experience. The conversation was joke book filler. In answer to a question concerning a friend of ours, Kay told Virginia that the person in question was home sick.
Virginia said, “I believe the more acceptable term is ‘gay.’” The guy was at home sick, and Virginia heard at homosexual.
In another incident, the word “cancel” sounded like “cancer” to Virginia, and she about went ballistic. I happen to know her well enough to realize the “homosexual” comment was meant as a joke, but the “cancer” mix-up was for real.
Kay’s hearing is only bad when it comes to MY voice. My voice apparently sounds too much like grass growing to her. A couple of times during our gathering with the Plilers, Kay interrupted me when I was in mid-sentence. I can only assume that she mistook my conversation for the sound of a lull in the conversation. I was a little bit surprised that I was the only one who noticed.
Anyway, I’m going to forward the hearing-loss e-mail to both girls. I’ll also share a few of the e-mail sender’s hints that may be dangerously close to being a person with only four senses. If words sound muffled, or people sound as if they’re mumbling, you may have a hearing problem. I’m sure it took a lot of grant money to figure that one out.
I disagree with that statement. I’m always hearing mumbling and muffledness coming out of people’s mouths. Reason being, there’s a lot of mumbling going on. And, when asked to repeat themselves, these mumblers give me the same mumble. They’re part of the reason I haven’t sought a gun permit.
If you have to close caption practically every TV program you watch, you may have a hearing problem. Either that or the actors on the programs are mumbling. Evidence of that can be found in the fact that the person typing out the closed captioning can’t make sense of the line any more than I can.
I was on the set of one of the movie’s Al was in, and Armand Assante was delivering some lines. I defy anyone to know what he was saying. “Sheah polta goorum tao baka?” The director never asked him to speak up, and the scene ended up in the movie. I couldn’t understand him anymore than I did when I heard him in each of the nine takes.” It takes a super cool person to get away with stuff like that.
Do you have any idea how many words are being invented each day in this country? Lots. Texting and Facebooking and Tweeting are transforming the English language into a language of texting face-tweeters. If you add that to the onslaught of mumbling that’s going on, we’ve got a major communication problem in this country.
If after locating the Golden Record that was attached to the Voyager satellite, extraterrestrials are going to think they landed on the wrong planet. They’ll realize that our language doesn’t read a thing like what we put on the Golden Disc.
They’ll be looking for an English language Rosetta stone. – “Admiral Marzot, it appears that ‘14AA41’ translates ‘One for all, and all for one.’ Yep, they’ve way over-condensed their language. We’re going to need to exterminate.’”
Incidentally, if by chance you are in the same boat as Kay and Virginia – specimens experiencing hearing loss – you may wish to learn how you got that way. The e-mail explains that it could be medication, scarlet fever, rheumatic fever, mumps, measles, dementia, depression, irritability, fatigue, stress, diabetes and kinfolk. By kinfolk, I mean, it may be hereditary. Nowhere does it say it has anything to do with aging.
And, no mention of constipation. Interesting. The only possible causes I’ve experienced are irritability and stress. In fact I sometimes feel as if I’m married to stress. It’s a metaphor. I’m in no way associating Kay with stress. Other than the fact that I do get a little irritable when she leaves the room while I’m in mid-sentence.
It’s good to know that she doesn’t do that on purpose. I’ve accepted that Kay suffers from hearing loss. More to the point, I’m suffering from HER hearing loss. She appears to be doing just fine with it.
In fact, she thinks I’m the one with the problem. That’s not what she said, but it’s what she meant when she said, “Hey, you’re the one who’s got the goblin.” – yes, she mistook problem for goblin. Evidence of the dementia part of her problem.
End
Mark@rooftopwriter.com and www.irlonestar.com
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