Spring

 "So that was our winter, huh?"

            ROOFTOP – I hope you’re all happy. It’s springtime again. I was one of three people who wanted winter to keep going for at least a couple more months. But nooooooo. The Earth continues to have this tilted axis thing going that causes all four seasons to have the same duration.

So here we are sitting all red-eyed, sniffing and snorting on this pollen-covered roof. Last person to have the box of Kleenex pass it over, please.  I’m tired of blowing my nose on Melvin’s shirttail. -- Hey, it’s a joke, man! But, I’d still tuck my shirt in were I you.

First off, no one is to focus on the backyard. I said-- Why do people do that? When we’re told not to notice something we automatically turn to see what we’re not supposed to notice. Leads me to believe that if you’re ever in some real trouble instead of “Help!” you need to scream, “Don’t look at me!” – The first person to look at you will say, “Whoa! A cat is attacking that guy who doesn’t want to be seen! Someone should probably help him!”

Well, now that you noticed the yard, let me say that for months I’ve had an excuse not to do anything with it. It’s been winter. I thought I mentioned that. You’re not supposed to do anything outside in the winter. And, right now I can’t do anything because  say is that the yard is too wet. I’ve already lost one boot trying to walk across it.

We had a bunch of digging done to install an aerobic septic system. I’d tell you more about it, but it’s sewage related. I pretty well hammered the topic last week. Long story short, a crew came out and buried a concrete contraption that was about 15 feel long, eight feet tall and eight feet wide. Then they ran a sprinkler system in several directions away from it.

What was beneath the topsoil in our yard was clay, iron ore and about four feet of concrete stuff. Caliche. Now, all of that stuff is all mixed up on top of the yard. Water can’t soak through it. It’s a bog I tell you. There are areas that need to be mowed, but I’ve got one of those non-floating mowers. The thing not only won’t float, but it no longer pulls itself. It’s evolved into a push-mower. In time it will become a hose holder.

I could use my battery-powered weed whacker, but my three batteries no longer hold a charge. I switched to battery powered lawn equipment and got rid of my small gasoline engines, because trying to start a small gas engine is comparable to trying to spread frozen butter on a thin slice of Sunbeam. I’d use electric, but I don’t have the patience to untangle the 150 feet of extension cord. I’d roll it up all neat and pretty, but it’d be like trying to roll yarn with a cat in your lap.

So, here I sit. I can’t mow, can’t weed whack, trim the hedge or wash the car. (I can’t use the hose, ‘cause the pipes and faucets are still wrapped in case of a late freeze.) I think the only thing left to do is go on a trip. Kay has been after me to take her somewhere. It’s been a couple of months since she took the cruise with the girls, so she’s antsy to travel. The last trip I got to take with her was to see the opening of Sea World in San Antonio.

And, speaking of San Antonio, did you see the tour map for a round trip drive across the entire lower 48? A grad student plotted the trip so that you could drive through part of each of the 48 states. The trip covers 13,699 miles and can be driven in a little over 9 days… assuming you never stop for gas or food or rest.

Fortunately the grad student who came up with the map didn’t intend for people to drive non-stop. Instead, he came up with a site in each state to visit. Each is either a natural landmark, a national park, national historical site or national monument. Or a Dairy Queen. I made that one up.

There is only one stop in Texas and it’s in San Antonio. See, that’s what led me to the map topic. Guess what the stop in San Antonio is? You nailed it. It’s Fred Silva’s Rattlesnake Farm. -- Scratch that. It’s the Alamo. Could’ve knocked me over with a sneeze. Speaking of which, “Kleenex! Somebody!”

From San Antonio, you skip Houston and go to Dallas. You can’t stop in Dallas, however, ‘cause you’re supposed to drive directly to Chickasaw National Recreational area in Oklahoma. And, I thought it’d be the Ardmore Red Dirt Brew House.

Each state has a site to see… except Delaware. When you click on the icon for Delaware’s national site, you get  – “Delaware.” There is apparently nothing there in Delaware. In fact that’s the State Song. (I joke, Delawarians.) Delaware was the first state in the Union. And, its state bug is the Lady Bug.

Our state bug should be the Marsh Fly, better known as the Love Bug. They weren’t any problem during the winter. Nooooo. But, now they’re going to join the pollen, and the Spring forward and the April showers and the lawn mowing and everything else that is Spring. Not a fan of Spring. – Okay, one more time. Who’s got the Kleenex?

End

Mark@rooftopwriter.com