inventions

IF the world depended on me for a living, we'd be eating stone-

First CPAP machine? I have no idea.

ground hamburger meat.

    Had I not been required to take a bunch of science classes, I’m pretty sure I’d be a scientist today. Science fascinates me. I want someone to explain to me, in about ten minutes or so, how a clock works. And television? What’s that all about?

    But, no. I’m forced to just accept the notion that I live in a world of magic. I turn a key in a little slot, my car comes alive and takes me to the Sonic for a cold hamburger delivered right to my car.

Oh, and get this, during the drive I will arrive at a stoplight that will occasionally change colors depending on the traffic. If no traffic is waiting at the intersection, the light will stay green for me. Yep, I’m telling you it’s magic.

I saw a video on a wonderment known as “YouTube” that demonstrated a machine that can solve a rubik cube in 1.09 seconds. Two young men invented the thing. They used five cameras and a machine that turns the cube. For a brain they used a computer. One of the guys jumbled up the cube, placed it on the machine, hit a computer key and the machine turned the random-arrayed colored squares into a block with each side a different color. Did it in 1 second, plus some change.

Just think of what that computer had to do. It read the images from the cameras, and faster than a speeding bullet it calculated the needed moves and then messaged the “hands” of the turning machine to start turning. Keep in mind the solution was determined as fast as a speeding bullet, not one of those slow ones. The only thing that slowed the process to a little over a second was the friction on the gears of the turning machine.

Well, if you think that’s magical, hold on to your coffee mug, ‘cause I recently read about an invention out of North Korea. You may remember that their last great invention was the long-handled broom. (I may have made that up.) Scientists from the Democratic People’s Republic have now developed an alcoholic drink called “Ginseng Liquor.” You can get drunk as a skunk on that stuff and you will not have a hangover. And some say North Korea has nothing to contribute to society.

By the way, the non-hangover effect was just an accident. You see, in place of sugar they used boiled and scorched rice. In North Korea, sugar is as rare as Discount Tire Stores. Regardless, the beverage will reach Wal-Mart stores on April 15. (Another fabrication.) 

After reading about North Korea’s contribution to the world, I set out to find the birthplace of many of this world’s inventions. I learned so much, that I just have to share. No, no, I must.

Do you have any idea where the wheel came from? Would you believe Iraq? Yep, the evidence of the first wheel came out of Mesopotamia, a place now known as Iraq. By the way, the first wheel was used to clean fish. – No, I made that up. It was first used in making pottery. In fact, it’s still used in making pottery today. Just not by me.

Speaking of the Middle East, in 7500 BC (6900 years before the birth of Islam) concrete was invented in a place we now call Syria. I feel as if I want to bring up the irony in this, but choose not to. 

A German invented the pocket watch, while a person from Switzerland got the notion to reduce the size of the watch and strap it to the wrist. I don’t mean to brag, but I think that’s something I could’ve figured out on my own.

The saxophone came out of Belgium. Nothing comes to mind here. An Italian the barometer. The postage stamp and the lawnmower came out of Britain. A gentleman from France invented the adding machine. The Chinese chose not to wait on the adding machine. They invented the abacus 5000 years before the machine hit the market. While the abacus didn’t use paper, the Chinese invented it in 105 BC. 

The second greatest invention known to man comes to us from Austria-Hungary. It was invented by a Serb named Tesla. You’ve likely heard of him. I wish I owned one of his cars. Tesla is the person credited with developing the first remote control. He demonstrated it in Chicago in 1898. Used it to guide a toy boat in a tank of water. Today, I use it to maintain my sanity.

An American is credited with the greatest invention in the history of civilization. In 1902, a guy by the name of Willis Carrier invented the first air conditioner… and I don’t care to argue about placing it at the top of the list.

I’m sure most of the people in North Korea would find fault with my selection. They believe they’ve grasped the number one distinction with Ginseng Liquor. Kim Jong has signed an edict giving away three bottles of the stuff at their New Year celebration on April 15. 

Seems the North Koreans use a different calendar. Their first day of the year starts on “our” April 15. That was the birthday of their previous leader Kim Jong-Il.  He was born in 1912, so that’s the year their calendar starts. In two and a half months, they will be celebrating the year 106. And that’s no fabrication. I did make up the part about giving away three bottles of Ginseng Liquor. No idea why I do stuff like that.  – Next time.

End
Mark@rooftopwriter.com