May 5, 2019
“Dog sitting Bella”
BACKYARD -- I had every intention of
coming to you from the rooftop this evening, but circumstances would not allow.
For one thing, I have not completely mended from my surgery. If I were to
strain my gut while climbing my extension ladder, it would take one of those
V-22 Osprey tilt-rotor planes and a large basket to get me down. The government
bought too many of those crash-prone planes not to use ‘em.
Besides not being quite well enough
for an assault on the rooftop, you’ve obviously noticed that I have been handed
a big responsibility that needs constant attention here at ground level. Say
hello to Bella. Don’t expect a response, though. This dog is pretty much a ‘fraidy
cat. She’s afraid of people, other dogs, noises and the occasional pinecone.
Right now, she’s sitting in my lap
because she was less afraid of me than the ground. That and the fact that I
exude positive dog vibes. Cats run from me, but dogs apparently like what they
smell. Before marrying Kay, she agreed that she would not try to kowtow me into
getting a dog. -- I selected “kowtow” here because I use it so seldom; I
thought it about time to break it out.
So, you can tell by the way I’m
letting this dog lick my hands that I do not hate animals. The only animals
that I don’t care to befriend are those I’m afraid of and those I have little
respect for. Possums and moles come to mind.
But, as mentioned in several
articles, I don’t like the responsibility of owning a pet. For one thing, you
have to take care of the animal’s poop. I’m not a big fan of that chore and
have little respect for anyone who is. If you plan to go on a trip, you have to
either take your pet with you or find someone else who will feed it and take
care of its poop. I am not that person. You’ll need Kay for that.
That’s why Bella is with us. – Beg
pardon? Oh, she’s a miniature poodle. I thought I mentioned that. I didn’t know
that Bella was a poodle until today. Stupid me, I thought poodles looked like
poodles. They were born with puffy fur on the tip of their saluting tails. They
were furry as all get out from the chest to the top notch on their head. Some
of them were born with furry calves.
Oh, and they were born with a
combed, furry face, complete with fluffy ears, each of which would make a good
potholder. Bella doesn’t have any of that going for her. Our neighbor took her
to be groomed for the first time in, apparently, a couple of years. The dog’s
fur was so matted that the only thing the groomer could do is sheer her like a
sheep. She ended up tying a plastic flower on each of her ears to give her a
hint of sophistication. I’m telling you, artificial flowers do not a poodle
make. Like I say, if Kay hadn’t told me she was a poodle, I would’ve never
guessed.
The reason Kay and I are dog-sitting
Bella is that the rubber band keeping one of the flowers affixed to her ear got
wound too tight and ended up cutting off the circulation to her ear. That
happened to me in the third grade once, and let me tell you, it’s no joy.
The vet had to remove over half of
Bella’s ear. Now, she couldn’t look like a real poodle if she wanted to. To
keep her from aggravating the wound on her ear, the vet put one of those cones
around her neck. Bella’s cone is a big zip-on black thing that looks like an
insulated bag. It’s too big for Bella, but I didn’t want to tell her that, ‘because
she looked pretty pathetic even without the cone.
As you can see, Bella is not
currently wearing the cone of despair. Kay took it off and told me to sit out
here and keep her from itching her ear. Nowhere do I read that stipulation in
my “Husband of Kay’s Job Description.” I
do it because that’s the kind of guy I am. The only reason I’m holding the dog
is because she came over and climbed into my lap. Like I say, few animals will
do that. Kay stopped doing it about 30 years back.
I don’t know what it is about a
person’s face that makes a dog want to lick it. I truly believe that if I let
Bella do as she wished, she’d climb up, lick my face a bunch, and then sit on
my head. While I don’t have a great deal of dignity left following my hospital
stay, I still have just enough to keep a dog from licking my face and sitting
on my head. This faux poodle has already licked all the flavorful stuff from
both my hands. I didn’t get an ounce of enjoyment out of that, but I let it
happen because I figured she needed a sense of acceptance. When you let someone
lick your hands, it just screams acceptance.
Fortunately, Kay will be out here in
a minute to free me from this burden. That’s one of the good words – “free.” Other
good words are kind, sweet, calm, generous, and thoughtful. Right now, free has
them all beat. I’m afraid if Kay doesn’t get here soon, I may have to walk this
dog around so it can poop. Now that’s a bad word. It’s one of those words that
will keep Bella from staying the whole night. Job description or not, overnight
dog sitting would put a strain on this guy’s marriage. What I’m saying?
end
You can
contact Mark at hayter.mark@gmail.com
No comments:
Post a Comment