Questionaire

 

Hayter’s article for February 20, 2022  

“If you had it to do over”

          Do any of you remember Kay suggesting that this week’s article be about puppies and kittens? I refused to consider such a time-waster until the 1000s, maybe millions of readers chimed in. -- “Listen to Kay!”, “We want puppies and kittens!” Sherry Sadler was so much kinder than others. She simply wrote that she was looking forward to the article on puppies and kittens.   

          I received no response from a single man. Or married one, for that matter. Having no mental record of me ever writing about puppies and kittens, I decided to give it shot. So, I researched the topic for six minutes, and found nothing other than staged pictures of kittens and puppies affectionately enjoying each other’s attention. Each photo was titled. “Kittens and puppies like taking naps together.” They “keep secrets”, They “play pretend-fight”, “watch the same TV shows”, “share their toys…”

          At that point, I concluded that there is no reliable information about a puppy giving a hoot about a kitten, or vice versa.  So, I stopped taking footnotes and started rifling through the pile of papers on my desktop for today’s topic. The fifth note that caught my eye was a request from 1989. I have trouble filing papers. I have no trouble tossing an aged banana, but I can’t throw away papers until I revisit them. I seldom have time or the inclination to revisit.

This particular notice was a request from the editor of “Our Family Newsletter”.  Jill sent each family member a questionnaire to complete and return within a couple of weeks. I apparently never got around to completing mine. The fact that the form is still on my desk shows that I fully intended to. I’m sure those family members who filled out the questionnaire had their responses printed up in a later issue of the Newsletter. I may try to find that publication later. As is, I’ve already done too much research with the kittens and puppies. 

While it’s 33 years too late for me to fill out this thing, I have come up with an idea for you to develop a family tradition whereby the family members jot down their answers to a questionnaire every couple of years or so, to see how much their ideas have changed. To kick your project off, I’m going to give you a few of Jill’s questions. Here goes. 

“What do you want to be when you finally grow up?” – That was a stab from Jill.  For you guys your question might be “What was it I should’ve done with my life?” When I asked Kay this question, she said, “I would be a ballerina.” I remember her telling me that about three decades back. I could’ve said, “Hey, it’s never too late!” But, that’s stupid. I think my response was “Interesting”. 

I’ve seen a few movies and documentaries on ballerinas and ballerinoes. Those people go through the most gruesome training I have ever witnessed, and I’ve watched documentaries on Navy Seals. And, they do it for what? To get to jump and twirl on your tiptoes in front of a lot of people who can afford to enjoy stuff like that. And do you know what it’s doing to their toes? I’d be afraid to sleep with Kay if she had toes like that. – Oh, and for both of my ballerina fans, I’m joking. I admire the daylights out of people who enjoy that kind of stuff. 

Today, Kay wishes she were a gemologist. When I asked her how many years in medical school it would take her to get a degree, she said, “Look it up. Goober.” More research! I discovered that a gemologist is an expert in gems. You know diamonds, sapphires, and possibly sand dollars. Kay would be good at that. However, I think it was more of a hint to me. I fear that last week she hoped for more than just a Valentine. – Beg pardon? Oh, me?” I wish I would’ve put more emphasis on acting. I should be more pleased that I didn’t, because teaching was more fulfilling. Plus, Strother Martin got all of the parts I wanted.  

Another of Jill’s questions was “If you were a million, zillionaire, name three things you would buy.” Kay said she would hire a maid service, lawn service, and home decoration service. I don’t think the girl fully grasps the value of a million, zillion dollars. All I can come up with now, is to spend a third of it researching the relationship between puppies and kittens. It wouldn’t solve many of the world’s problems, but it would make a lot of people happy.   

What animal would you be if you had to be one? Kay would be a peregrine falcon. She even spelled the name right. She wants to be the fastest creature on the planet; to fall toward the earth at a speed of 240 mph. If you’ve researched, the peregrine falcons are the world's most common birds of prey. Those bubbas live on all continents except Antarctica. And, that’s only because they don’t see Antarctica as a continent.  Me? I want to be one of Santa’s reindeer. Thumper. No, that’s a rabbit. One of the other ones.   

“Moving right along – “Who is your all-time favorite actor and actress, living or otherwise?” Kay went with Emma Stone and Robert Duvall. They dated once, I believe? I’m going with Jean Arthur and Morgan Freeman. I change my mind on stuff like that all the time.   

And, finally, if you lived in another country which one would you like it to be? Kay’s going to Scotland. I’m voting for Canada, but only if they can keep their truck drivers from shutting down the highways, simply because they don’t want to be told to wear a mask. I assume the logic is, “First it’s the mask! Then it’s, what? A ballerina outfit?”

 

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