“Most Popular Dog of 2023”

 

            I got the news today I didn’t want to hear, the American Kennel Club selected the Dog of the Year. – (That sentence needs to be read to the beginning lyrics of Don Henley’s “Heart of the Matter”.)

            I like dogs. I’ve never had one, but they’re all right. I’m not a fan of cats, but then they’re cats. I’ve never made a pet of either creature. Reason being I don’t care to take on the responsibility that comes with pet rearing. When I’m at the grocery store, I don’t want to call Kay and ask if we need any dog food. Or, heaven forbid,  Cat food and litter.

            And, pet owners are responsible up until the pet dies, which will likely Plus, when you leave the house for a vacation or overnight visit with your uncle, you either take the animal with you or get a friend to take on your responsibility of pet care.  

The only reason I brought this up is that I’m likely to get some negative feedback about what you’re about to read. It has to do with a particular breed of pet. A couple of years after I started my column I wrote something about my lack of concern for cats. This was back when there was something called, “Letters to the Editor”. After the cat article, I got clobbered. Deservedly so.

A couple of years later, I wrote something about a dog,  the pet of a lady I didn’t even know. Kay’s the one who told me about the wiener dog. That’s the scientific name for dachshund. Their scientific name is probably “Wiener Sistraspana”. This particular dog had an issue with being touched by anyone it didn’t know. If you greeted the dog with, “Whatta cute wiener dog” and then touched it, the animal would pee. A natural reflex, apparently.

I thought it humorous. Not the dog. The owner. To his guests the owner has to say, “He looks harmless, but whatever you don’t touch him.” I was apparently the only one who saw the humor in it. After the pet owner's outrage, I quit sharing negative thoughts about most animals. Badgers? They apparently have a weak following, so I get little feedback.

All of that stuff you just read is a qualifier for the rest of the read. -- According to the American Kennel Club, the dog of the year for 2023 is the French Bulldog. – I’ll let that set in for a second.

For those of you who wouldn’t know a French Bulldog from a Finnish Spitz, I’ll give you a minute or two to look up the animal while I go get a bottle of water. I’m supposed to keep hydrated. If I drink too much, it causes me to wet myself when someoneapproaches. 

The AKC, plus my next-door neighbor are quite fond of the French Bulldog. They’re supposed to make great pets. They’re affectionate, small, don’t eat much, and have a face that looks like it’s been smashed with a mallet. The canine was bred to have a smashed face. Unfortunately, the flat face cause the dog to have difficulty breathing. 

My thought is that if God wanted a dog that is in a constant state of trying to breathe He would’ve given us one. He gave Australia the platypus duckbill, yet refused to bless them with an ugly, unhealthy dog.

Kay occasionally dog-sits for our neighbor's French Bulldog. I’ve yet to pick the dog up because she’ll open her mouth and saliva will magically appear on my person. I feel so sorry for her. She can manage a fast walk for maybe 10 feet. After that, the pace diminishes considerably.

My research shows that the dogs never asked to be that way. The first French Bulldog on the planet must have been shunned by every creature known to man. Except for the mole. Moles can’t see squat.

 If you live in an apartment and feel the need for a canine companion, some think the French Bulldog is a good choice. They’re loving, and ugly as a pile of mud. If your vision is a bit off, you might get one. Due to its heavy breathing, you’ll always know where it is.

Before you do, however, you need to know that a FB puppy is expensive. From what I read a healthy puppy will run you $2500 up to… much more. And after saving money to buy the dog, you’ll need to save some more for the veterinarian appointments. My research shows that some FBs are on the internet for $500. The author of one of the articles that a FB going for $500 must have some serious health issues tacked on to the usual health issues.

The bottom line is French Bull Dogs are nice, for an animal with a smashed nose, trouble breathing, little stamina, and poor health, at a price that the average pet lover can’t afford. And that’s the most popular dog of 2023.

Second place? Labrador Retriever. Those Canadians must be really ticked off.

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