Hayter for May 7, 2023

“May Days”

        I shall start off today by telling you that May 21 is "International Talk Like Yoda Day". -- Not, I will such a day celebrate.  

    However, I like May. The month, not your aunt… although I’m sure she’s a peach. When I was teaching, the month of May was my third favorite month because it was a good indication that the end of school was knocking at the door. Or ‘on’ the door? (Teachers are expected to know everything.)
 
    But, for now, let’s get past teachers. When I was a student, the month of May was a wonderful indication of the end of school, and a foreshadowing of final exams. It was a pain in High School, but in college, for the most part, the finals were killers.

    “Physics and Heat”? Libraries are full of books about the stuff I never learned. My physics professor was supposedly one of the top 10 physicist in the Country. Smart as all get out, but he didn’t know how to relate to anyone in class. Fortunately, God let his Student Aide be the one to average grades. I never passed one of the professor’s tests, and made a “C”.  

     That being said, the worst test I ever took was in “Bowling”! How hard could a bowling test be? That’s the attitude I had when I entered the classroom. --  Question #3: “What is the name for the position of bowling pins when only the 4th and 9th pins are standing?” -- What? It’s got a name? And the test was fill-in-the-blank, NOT multiple-choice!

    I made a “C” in bowling, but only because the coach didn’t let the written exam count enough to fail me. He just wanted to humiliate me.

    I didn’t mean to get into all of that, but the memory of my “C” in bowling won’t leave me alone. – Excuse me. --  “Like a rock, I was strong as I could be: Like a rock, nothin' ever got to me…” -- Bob Seger’s lyrics have been known to pick me up.

     Right now, I’m back on track of sharing good stuff about the month of May. One nice thought was that May 2 was “National Brother and Sister Day”. I think I referred to that last week. It doesn’t matter, because my siblings and I did no celebrating. Hey, they’ve got kids. I’m much better off with only Kay.

    Speaking of which, our neighbors have two kids – Oliver and Rooney. I’ve mentioned them before. Remember Oliver making chalk drawings on out driveway? The boy’s quite talented. His little sister’s talent is in being the most adorable little munchkin head on the planet. 

        She’s a tad over two and makes me wish I was a granddad. During the Easter egg search, Rooney kept trying to give me each egg she found. And she was holding the basket! I guess for balance. Of course, the eggs were plastic with candy inside. Just like the ones that didn’t exist when I was a kid.

        But Rooney is a wonderment. A wonderment with a name that I love but am not sure how to spell. I’ll have to wait until she’s three years old to ask her. Yep, I’d be a super grandfather. And no, I don’t care to babysit any of your children. Not even Oliver and Rooney. I’ve found that the few children who enjoy my company, usually start having issues after the first 20 minutes. Most of them after about five.

        Speaking of today, May 7th,  it is “World Laughter Day”. I don’t know why, except that it’s so much better than August 7th. If you ever see me smiling on any date in August, I’m faking it.

        But, May is fine. I don’t know if you’re aware, but tomorrow is “No Socks Day”. If you already knew that, I’m worried about you. There’s something not right about walking around without socks; however, it is supposed to stimulate the flow of blood in your toes and other portions of your feet. It also helps your leg muscles and any other things that are remotely affected by your feet. -- Your teeth? Not so much.

        One thing that’s misleading about “No Socks Day” is that if I wear shoes with no socks, my feet sweat. Sweat inside a shoe is nothing to celebrate.  Regardless, someone with authority thought it would be nice for us not to wear socks tomorrow. I’m sure there’s a “No Shoes Day”. I’ll let you know when it comes.
    
        But here’s the killer. You wanna know what the killer is? Tuesday, May 9th, is “Memorial to Lost Socks Day.” I don’t know who started it, but I did discover a statistic about it. Sock scientists tell us that every person who wears socks loses 1.3 of them each month. The research was developed by scientists who asked 2000 sock wearers how many socks they lost in 2022. After doing the math, they came up with the 1.3 a month. Ingenious, says a guy who almost failed bowling.

        There are over 200 more holidays in May, but I just don’t have the space to mention stuff like, May 4th was supposed to be the “National Day of Reason”.  And, no, I don’t know why. May 14th is not only “Mother’s Day”, but it’s also “Dance like a Chicken” Day. I don’t think it’s necessary to celebrate that in front of our Mother.

        May 20th is “Be a Millionaire Day”. May 21st is likely to be “Spend 20 Years to Life in Prison Day.”  May 29th is not only our hallowed Memorial Day, but it’s also “Put a Pillow on Your Fridge Day.” I had to research that one. Turns out, a pillow on your fridge is supposed to make you wealthy. In my house, it would be called “Mark’s Straight Jacket Day.”

        I feel a need to celebrate May 31 today. That is “Speak in Complete Sentences Day.” -- As if.  

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