Adam naming the animals

 

 

 

Hayter for June 23, 2023

A story about Adam naming all the animals”

          I’ve often been told that I’m a person of wonder. Mom was the first to catch onto that. From childhood, she often asked me, “Why did you do that?” The arrangement of those five words caused me to think, “That’s interesting. ‘Why  DID I do that?’” 

          From that point on, I’ve been a wondering dunderhead. I have no memory of ever being called “dunderhead” but I’ve been called crazy quite a bit. I used to actually think I was crazy until I saw a movie where a guy said, “If you think you’re crazy, that’s an indication that you’re not.” One of those Catch-22 things. That’s been helpful as all get out.

          Last week Kay and I were folding clothes. I grabbed a pile of folded stuff and was going to take them to the bedroom, when Kay, touched the stack and said, “Until you get to your underwear, everything else is mine.”

          I immediately told Kay, “Since the advent of mankind, I wonder if that sentence has ever been used before.” Kay immediately answered, “It has. If I recall it’s been said 18 times.” And that’s one of many reasons I stay with this woman.

          That was one of my more recent wonders. The one that has haunted me the longest came from one of my Sunday School teachers. Mrs. Patterson was telling us how the different animal species got their names.

The answer is found in Genesis 2:19. -- “And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.” That’s from the King James Version of the Bible, which was the only one the preacher would let into the building back then.

          That one verse made good sense to the teacher, but I was bumfuzzled. I raised my hand. “Mrs. Patterson, I don’t get that? Adam was the only person on the planet at the time, yet he was told to name the animals. – Mrs. P said, “Mark if God wanted us to know more, He would’ve told us. Our job is to accept it.”

While I accepted the verse itself, I was just curious as to the reasoning. I decided to just stick the vague story into the “wonder section” of my brain. Turns out, the story came to the forefront of my brain right after hearing Kay’s comment about my underwear. Yes, it was the folded clothes story that made me realize that now was a good time to address one of my wonders. – Tighten your belts.

In the beginning, Adam was the only person on the planet. So, God said, “Okay, Adam, I’m going to make some animals out of dirt, and I want you to name ‘em.” – The first question that came to Adam’s mind was, “Super! Uh, Sir, what is an animal?”

          God said “Be patient. After I make one you’ll know .” Then God grabbed some dirt and made it alive. God said, “Adam, this is an animal. Now, give it a name.”  

          Adam said, “Uh, I’m going with “Everett”.” At that moment there was the sound of thunder caused by God slapping His head. “No, that’s dumb. This is only one type of thousands of animals. What are you going to call its species?

          Adam said, “Oh, my bad. All right, the  name ‘Kangaroo’ just came to mind.”

God said, “This thing has short arms, big feet, a sack under its belly, a tail that it leans back on, and it hasn’t stopped hopping since I made it. And, you’re gonna call it a Kangaroo? Where did that even come from?”

Adam said, “Okay, how about, “Big Tailed  Hopper”? – God said, “No, that’s even worse. We’ll stick with Kangaroo. So,  you might need to jot this down because there will be thousands of different animals coming out of the dirt.

          Adam forces himself to say,  “Please don’t get mad at me, Sir, but, uh, what exactly does that mean – ‘Jot it down’?”

          Eventually, all of the animals have been created, and God tells Adam to pick one of ‘em to be his helper. Adam said, “A helper? I don’t know what that is, but I’m going grab my list and find something. – Ah! I’m going with the eagle. A big flying thing that can pick fruit for me and fly high and keep me from getting lost.”

          God doesn’t yell at Adam, He just tells Him that he’s way off the mark. That a big bird wouldn’t make a good helper. So, He puts Adam to sleep, yanks out one of his ribs and makes him a helper.”

          Adam eventually wakes and sees Eve. Of course he doesn’t know an Eve from an elk. God went ahead and named the helper “Woman”. Adam says, “Ooookay. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with this, but I’ll think of something.”

          God says, “I’m sure you will. Now, I’m going to take you both to see a special tree, and you’re going to need to pay careful attention to it. So, follow me.”

          Eve said, “Special Tree? What is that?

What you just read was my attempt at humor. I read a vague passage of scripture and offered up a comical interpretation. Not too unlike other Christians who, over the years have invented interpretations for vaguely explained scriptures. When I came up with this story, I wasn’t intending to make a point. I just had a Bob Newhart moment.

          That being said, I’ve asked God not to let anyone from my old church read this week’s article. Because if they do, unlike James Taylor, I will literally see fire and rain.

 

hayter.mark@gmail.com                         end