Back porch gabfest

 

Hayter article for April 28, 2024

“Have a seat on the porch for a gabfest.”

 

          The Back Porch – This could well be the last cool breeze between now and October. Then again, the way the weather has been behaving for the last few years, we could have snow in August.

The good news is if it does snow in August, we’ll know about it at least a week before it happens. When you’ve got several thousand satellites orbiting the planet, there are not a lot of outdoor events that don’t get noticed. When you back your car out of the driveway, there is a satellite or two that records the event.

Raise your hand if you remember Dan Rather. He was a newsman out of Houston who was sent to Galveston to check on the bad weather that was being experienced on the coast. He got there just in time to report on Hurricane Carla. By that time, there was no way anyone else could make it across the bridge into Galveston. Dan became the news out of Galveston, and his broadcast was sent all across the country.

Shortly after Carla, he left Houston for a job as a national news reporter for CBS in New York. About 45 years later, he lost his job as the nation’s most prominent News Anchor. It occurred after he reported a story about President George W. Bush being AWOL while in the Texas National Guard. The documents he used as proof couldn’t be discounted, but he was still urged to resign. A hurricane story brought him fame and a report about a President cost him dearly.

You’ve likely picked up on the fact that my mind tends to drift. I assure you that when I sat down out here, I had no thought about discussing satellites, hurricanes, or Dan Rather. I should’ve gone with birds. They’re making a lot of noise out here. I can’t see many of ‘em, but I can sure hear them. A wonderful sound, birds. I’m fairly sure they’re hoping to get paid for their singing with birdseed, but we’re all out.

We used to have bird feeders in the backyard, but the squirrels emptied them. I scattered seeds around trees for the squirrels, but as soon as they finished them off, they attacked the bird feeders. Birds have it rough.

Speaking of birds, yesterday, I was at an intersection by the freeway, when I saw a patch of spear weeds between me and the freeway. Birds aren’t fans of spear weeds. (That’s my transition from bird seeds.) When Dennis and I were kids we’d join the neighborhood gang and have spear weed battles. ,

Spear weeds, (called spear thistle or spear grass by kids in Asia and South America) are thin, and tall grass with a tip that hides a sharp, pointed end. Pull the leader at the top of the weed, and the pointed tip shows itself. It’s like a thin, light dart. We would stick the dart part in our mouth and coat it with saliva to give it weight. Without spit, the spear weed would fly in the wind.

I don’t know how the weeds made it to the U.S., but, as I mentioned, they are practically all over the globe. Though there are different varieties of the grass, what they have in common is that tiny spear near the end. The goal was to toss the thing at someone and stick it to their shirt. We try to miss eyeballs. In our neighborhood, there was never an incident where a kid had his eye put out. That was a parental scare tactic. We used to wonder which one of us would be the first to lose an eyeball.

Speaking of which, one of Kay’s uncles lost sight in one of his eyes. I was curious about how it happened but thought it rude to ask. Kay eventually told me that, as a kid, he cut off a piece from an apple and, just like his dad had done, he delivered the slice to his mouth while still holding onto his knife.

I wanted to emulate Dad. Fortunately, he didn’t didn’t stick apple bits to his mouth while holding a knife. What he did do was chew tobacco, starting at the age of nine. When he was in high school, he told me that his teacher let him keep an empty can close by so he could spit his tobacco juice in it. He liked that teacher. He said the guy used to sit atop his desk and deliver his lectures. Dad thought the man was so cool. I never chewed tobacco or sat on my desk when I was teaching, but I would on occasion start singing when things got boring. I thought it better than spitting out tobacco juice.

Speaking of students, today they are bound to be getting a bit antsy. There are, what, six weeks left of school? This is a time when a lot of teachers need to speed things up. I mostly taught U.S. History and Government. I can remember getting down to three weeks before the end of school, and I hadn’t yet gotten past World War II. That’s like teaching human anatomy and realizing you hadn’t yet covered the brain.

While some teachers are currently a bit rushed, many of the students have yet to realize that they’re failing for the semester. -- “Mr. Hayter, short of studying, what can I do to pass your class?”  -- That’s a sad moment for the teacher and the student. The saddest thing for most teachers is for a student to fail the class. Especially if he or she is a senior. Sheesh!– Okay, subject change!

All right, we’ve mentioned squirrels, birds, spear weeds, a hurricane, satellites, putting your eye out… oh, and a cool breeze. It’s still with us. Tell you what, with the short time we’ve got left, we’ll just sit and enjoy the thought of it snowing in August. – Next time.

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