Family Get-togethers

    

 

Hayter for March 2, 2025

Who’s the big decision maker in your family?

 

Today I read that the average person makes about 35,000 decisions a day. I would consider that ridiculous was it not for the fact that I had to make six decisions before coming up with the opening sentence. I will probably have made 600 decisions before finishing this thing.

In fact, I’ve just decided to leave my laptop and go make me a cup of coffee before I continue this piece. It just came to me! – I’ll be back in a second. – Forty -five minutes later. – I’m sorry about that. While my coffee was brewing I decided towork on the crossword puzzle in the newspaper. My coffee got cold by the time I finished so, I decided to microwave it. Point being, I’m certain to make at least 35,000 decisions today.

 I tend to stew over a lot of big decisions. What to watch on TV, what to read, what to write, when to cut my fingernails—excuse me a second. Even though I’m retired I’m still constantly deciding on stuff. As a teacher, I had to make decisions for 140 students each school day. As tough as it was, it was not nearly as tough as making decisions for family members.

The Hayter family doesn’t gather nearly as much as we used to. Back in the day, we’d meet at a restaurant somewhere for supper. We never had any trouble deciding where to go because Mom or Dad decided.

 But, now that the family is parentless, somebody has got to step up to the plate and make decisions concerning family get-togethers. Being the Hayter family’s decision maker is the ninth toughest job in the world. You know why? Because it’s impossible to please everyone.  

No one will step up to the plate and make a decision that all might agree to. There has never been a majority’s agreement on anything. When a group of 10 or 12 people can’t decide where to eat, someone needs to take charge of the situation. In other words, someone needs to take on the role of being the adult of the family. But, who could be trusted to take on such a chore?  

No one! We were leaderless. If someone didn’t take the bull by the nose, our get-togethers would’ve ended after the passing of Mom. Jill and I have been taking turns being the family’s Selection Chief. It’s not a job for the meek or weak. There were always family members who chastised the Decision Maker. It was not a job for the sensitive. That’s why it was necessary for me to become my Father’s Son. It was not easy my friend.

I eventually decided to let Jill make all of the decisions about family gatherings. If you can make it, great. If you don’t care to attend, don’t. We now have fewer gatherings, and everyone seems okay with it. And, you want to know something? I don’t think Mom cares one way or the other.

I say that to say this. Last week, my big brother Dennis came down for a medical procedure in Montgomery County. Before coming up here, he called to suggest that Big Al and I join him for supper after his appointment.

I texted Al to let him know about Dennis’ plan and asked him pick a place where he’d like to eat. My kid brother, texted back. “I’ll eat, let me know.” – My kid brother would rather I make the decision, because he didn’t want to get involved. Great! I swore off making decisions for family gatherings, yet, now I was again in charge of selecting an eating place. -- We ended up at a Whataburger. Nothing against Whataburger, but I doubt I’ll be selected again to choose a place for a family gathering.

That was merely one of the 35,000 decisions I made last Wednesday. One would like to forget all of the poor decisions they made while growing up. I certainly made my share. Without question, the Hayter kids were taken care of in ways we never even recognized. If Kay and I were mother and father, I know we would’ve sacrificed a bunch for our kids. Now we tend to sacrifice for one another. Two people are a lot less of a hassel than a family of nine.

 Speaking of which, most of my decisions today involve Kay. We couldn’t get along better. We pretty much enjoy the same movies and TV series. If Kay’s reading, I get to decide what I what I want to watch on TV. If I’m in  my study writing, she watches what she wants. Actually, she reads more than she watches TV. 

Another thing about Kay is how good she is at deciding what I should wear. After getting ready for church on a Sunday morning, on occasion I’ll hear Kay say something like, “Is that what you’re going to wear?”

My favorite comeback is “I just put this on, but I never intended to wear it. After all, I’m not crazy.” When you’ve been married for 53 years, you can read sa pouse fairly well. Kay hurried to the closet and picked out what I was supposed to wear. She’s good at choosing clothes for the both of us. Me? I can’t choose for either one of us.

However, at this particular moment I choose to put an end to this piece. And, instead of proofing it one more time, I have decided to let Kay proof it for me. I don’t deserve that girl. I’m fairly sure she figured that out a long time ago. 

Photo: Top left-- Mark, Larry, Susan, Big Al, Dennis -- Bottom left: Lynda, Mom, Jill

 

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hayter.mark@gmail.com