Mt Everest not the tallest Mt.? Apr 23

Hayter for April 2, 2023            

Higher isn’t always the same as Taller

          A couple of people noticed that I’m smarter than I used to be. A few seconds after I asked them if they noticed how much smarter I was than several months back, one said, “Uh, sure.” The other “Why th—yeah, whatever.”

          See? Now, some of you may remember, last year when I had COVID 16? 19? I can’t keep it straight, because I had acquired one of the COVID qualifiers – brain fog. After the third month, I came to the conclusion that I was getting dumber by the week.

          My family and friends didn’t notice, because they seldom let me talk. I’d sit in my chair and stare at a wall or a window. I didn’t stare OUT the window, just AT the window.  And, when I stood, I couldn’t remember where I intended to go. I had to give up TV because I kept asking Kay the names of actors and news people. I recognized them, but their names were hidden in the fog. I quit watching TV after Kay noticed I was trying to change channels using the remote for the ceiling fan.

          But that was last year. A month or so ago, I started noticing I could remember things better. Right now, I’m smart as-- a hammer? Here we are inside the door of April and I’m as smart as I was before COVID, plus some.

          What I’ve started doing is reading something every day that I didn’t know the day before. I’m not talking about where I put my reading glasses before I went to bed. I’m still working on things like that.

          No, I’m referring to research on topics related to science, history, government, and astronomy. For example, the five planets showing up together last week? I read part of an article about that. Five planets in a cluster?  Fascinating. After that, I thought the piece dragged a bit, so I quit reading. No problem. I forgot about it until the day after it occurred.  

          That being said, I’ve spent some serious time researching today’s topic. I came up with it while looking through dozens of pictures about interesting stuff. One that taunted me was “10 things you don’t know about Mark Twain”. I thought it interesting until I realized that I know more about Mark Twain now than I care to. Another topic was “How snails cross vast oceans”. Fascinating, I’m sure. But, snails?

The one piece that reeled me in was entitled “How Mount Everest got its name.” Back when I was dumb, I thought Mt. Everest was named after the first person to climb it. But his name was Tenzing Norgay, from Nepal. Tenzing was Edmund Hillary’s guide. I thought that since Norgay was Hillary’s guide, perhaps he had already climbed the thing.

The tallest mountain in the world was named Peak XV by a British surveying team in 1852. Apparently, British surveyors used Roman Numerals when numbering mountains.

          Eventually, Peak XV was renamed Mount Everest, in honor of George Everest, a British surveyor who lived in India from 1830 to 1843. There is no evidence that Everest had ever seen Peak XV. Yet, 11 years after he left India, the man who replaced him, Andrew Waugh, asked the British Mountain Naming Society to name Peak XV after George Everest.

          When George got wind of the idea, he protested. He let it be known that it would be a slap in the face to the people in India and China if Britain renamed the mountain after a British surveyor who lived there for 13 years. So, the Society waited until after George Everest died before changing the name of Peak XV to Mt. Everest.  

          Here’s the kicker. For over 1000 years, the people of India called the mountain “Sagarmartha” (Peak of Heaven). The people of Tibet called it “Chomolungma” (Goddess Mother of the World). But the Brits thought it better to rename the world’s tallest mountain after a British surveyor. Needless to say, the Asian community was ticked off. I’m ticked off, too. But only when I think about it. 

          After all of that, I was shocked to find out that Everest is not the highest place in the world. In Ecuador, Mount Chimborazo is higher than Mt. Everest, but only when it’s measured from the center of the earth. Chimborazo is 20,549 feet high and Everest 29, 035 feet. When measured a sea level.

 Measured from the center of the earth, Chimbarazo is taller than Everest. It has to do with the Earth’s bulge at the equator. Chimbarazo is situated along the equator and Mt. Everest is farther north on the Tropic of Cancer, where it’s 6800 feet shorter distance to the center of the earth. I would explain that to you, but I understood it for only about 20 seconds.

          Okay, one final tidbit. -- Please stop cheering. -- The only creature tough enough to live on Everest is the Himalayan Jumping Spider.       

          Begs the question, if the only creature on Everest is a spider, what could it find to eat? Well, get this. The wind blows almost constantly up and down and around mountains. When the wind is coming from the base of Everest, it carries with it all kinds of bugs from areas less cold. Flies, bees, gnats, doodlebugs, crickets, and other critters. I assume the bugs do not survive the flight up to the frozen peak, so the jumping spiders probably don’t have to do all that much jumping. And, no, I didn’t find out how the spiders stay warm.

That’s it! I can now go to my grave knowing what little I know about Mt. Everest without any regrets… well, I might regret the dying part. What’s important is that I do not intend to teach a lesson next week. At least, not about mountains. Hopefully, I can remember not to do that.

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hayter.mark@gmail.com

 

Life's phases Mar 26

         Hayter for March 26, 2023        

“The Good the Bad and the Ugly of Life’s Phases”

            It’s weird the different phases one goes through. Phases? Stages?  The things that deal with the taste of foods, preference of TV shows, health concerns, sleeping tendencies… stuff like that.

            Some of our phases brought about improvements in our lives. Some have become great embarrassments. While I would appreciate information on your life’s phases, I’ve only got time for a few of mine. I’m currently in my selfish phase.

            My favorite change of life came about when my feet stopped growing. That was probably your 18^th favorite. It’s crazy that our feet stop growing, but men’s ears turn huge, hair disappears but shows up in ears, nose and places you can’t see. Those are examples of negative stages in life.

            Foot stagnation is a great stage of life. It’s best explained with an example of the best pair of shoes I ever owned. It was a $3.50 pair of black Keds high-top tennis shoes. I don’t know what possessed Mom to buy me the pair.

Each September, Dennis and I would each get a new pair of tennis shoes for school. Dennis got a great pair of low-top Converse All Star tennis shoes. They were for real athletes. My athleticism was disputable, so I got a pair of high-top Keds. I was as proud as a kid who didn’t know the difference between Keds and Converse.

By the end of the school year, my high-toppers were still in great shape. So unlike the no-name two dollar pair that Mom used to get us at Globe. By the end of summer, my Keds still had plenty of tread and not a rip in ‘em. I needed no new shoes, nor wanted any at the beginning of school that year. Or so I thought.

During the summer, I began to notice that my shoes were getting tighter. I had no idea that Keds would make a tennis shoe that would shrink. Mom took the blame. She told me that she shouldn’t have bought me an expensive pair of shoes that actually fit. She told me that my feet had grown, and that now she would have to buy me another pair of cheap Globe shoes for school.

Those Keds stayed in the closet for two years. I just couldn’t bring myself to throw them away. Maybe one day, they would fit again. I was dumber than dirt. Mom was somewhat smarter. It took me two weeks to realize that she had given my Keds away to some lucky duck. I assume she took them to Goodwill, because I never saw any of the neighborhood small-footed kids wearing my Keds.

            Right now, I’ve got 16 pairs of shoes on the floor of my small section of the closet. I haven’t worn some of them for over 25 years. I’ve got two pairs of tennis shoes, one of which has a sole with worn-out tread. If I put them on and tried to skip from the kitchen to the bedroom, I would slip on our vinyl plank flooring and fracture my rear and one of my elbows.

            I’d get rid of tread less shoes, but they still fit. You know why? My feet stopped growing! -- Stay with me here. -- Each pair of my 16 pairs of shoes still fit me. I’ve got a pair of old, worn, dusty-looking cowboy boots. I bought them second-hand, for my roles in a few of Chuck Walker’s Westerns. I only got killed with my boots on twice. Today, the only place I could wear them is either at a carnival or another Western.

            I’ve given away a lot of my clothing. Not underwear or socks. Nobody seems to want them. I did grow out of a bunch of shirts and pants, and swim trunks. For whatever reason, the girth of my body continues to grow. While my closet is still crammed with clothes that I can no longer wear, I have trouble giving them away because I might one day lose weight. Of course, when I do, the shirts will be so far out of style that I’ll be laughed at every time I walk into HEB. I don’t care if you’ve got something hanging off the tip of your nose people won’t tell you. But, if you’re clothes are out of style they’ll laugh and point at you. – Maybe that only happens to me.

While I have trouble getting rid of my clothes, I have learned to give away tools, games, furniture, lawnmowers, and autos. Even my only bicycle. I had a 24-inch J.C. Higgins that I got when I was in the third grade. When I was in high school it failed to survive our family’s move from Camille Street to Harris. All because Dad asked, “When’s the last time you rode this?” Dad was never in a good mood at the time of a move. Like us kids were.

As an adult, I am now in my get-rid-of-stuff phase. Practically all of our board games, Checkers, Monopoly, Chinese Checkers, Sorry, Trivial Pursuit… Some of them had missing parts and others were tossed during our residential moves. Moving creates a great opportunity to re-access the importance of stuff. In other words, I owe my dad an apology.   

            There are obviously several hundred phases, I’ve yet to mention. A few are tied to bodily functions. I saved that for now because I knew I wouldn’t have time to mention it. So, that’s pretty much it. Life is full of changes… and then you die. Fortunately, not yet. Hang in there.

By the way, I recommend you don’t get any cosmetic surgery, because it doesn’t seem to wear well. Had I had the money I would’ve had something done with my nose. The kids in HEB would go crazy.

end

hayter.mark@gmail.com

“Most Popular Dog of 2023”

 

            I got the news today I didn’t want to hear, the American Kennel Club selected the Dog of the Year. – (That sentence needs to be read to the beginning lyrics of Don Henley’s “Heart of the Matter”.)

            I like dogs. I’ve never had one, but they’re all right. I’m not a fan of cats, but then they’re cats. I’ve never made a pet of either creature. Reason being I don’t care to take on the responsibility that comes with pet rearing. When I’m at the grocery store, I don’t want to call Kay and ask if we need any dog food. Or, heaven forbid,  Cat food and litter.

            And, pet owners are responsible up until the pet dies, which will likely Plus, when you leave the house for a vacation or overnight visit with your uncle, you either take the animal with you or get a friend to take on your responsibility of pet care.  

The only reason I brought this up is that I’m likely to get some negative feedback about what you’re about to read. It has to do with a particular breed of pet. A couple of years after I started my column I wrote something about my lack of concern for cats. This was back when there was something called, “Letters to the Editor”. After the cat article, I got clobbered. Deservedly so.

A couple of years later, I wrote something about a dog,  the pet of a lady I didn’t even know. Kay’s the one who told me about the wiener dog. That’s the scientific name for dachshund. Their scientific name is probably “Wiener Sistraspana”. This particular dog had an issue with being touched by anyone it didn’t know. If you greeted the dog with, “Whatta cute wiener dog” and then touched it, the animal would pee. A natural reflex, apparently.

I thought it humorous. Not the dog. The owner. To his guests the owner has to say, “He looks harmless, but whatever you don’t touch him.” I was apparently the only one who saw the humor in it. After the pet owner's outrage, I quit sharing negative thoughts about most animals. Badgers? They apparently have a weak following, so I get little feedback.

All of that stuff you just read is a qualifier for the rest of the read. -- According to the American Kennel Club, the dog of the year for 2023 is the French Bulldog. – I’ll let that set in for a second.

For those of you who wouldn’t know a French Bulldog from a Finnish Spitz, I’ll give you a minute or two to look up the animal while I go get a bottle of water. I’m supposed to keep hydrated. If I drink too much, it causes me to wet myself when someoneapproaches. 

The AKC, plus my next-door neighbor are quite fond of the French Bulldog. They’re supposed to make great pets. They’re affectionate, small, don’t eat much, and have a face that looks like it’s been smashed with a mallet. The canine was bred to have a smashed face. Unfortunately, the flat face cause the dog to have difficulty breathing. 

My thought is that if God wanted a dog that is in a constant state of trying to breathe He would’ve given us one. He gave Australia the platypus duckbill, yet refused to bless them with an ugly, unhealthy dog.

Kay occasionally dog-sits for our neighbor's French Bulldog. I’ve yet to pick the dog up because she’ll open her mouth and saliva will magically appear on my person. I feel so sorry for her. She can manage a fast walk for maybe 10 feet. After that, the pace diminishes considerably.

My research shows that the dogs never asked to be that way. The first French Bulldog on the planet must have been shunned by every creature known to man. Except for the mole. Moles can’t see squat.

 If you live in an apartment and feel the need for a canine companion, some think the French Bulldog is a good choice. They’re loving, and ugly as a pile of mud. If your vision is a bit off, you might get one. Due to its heavy breathing, you’ll always know where it is.

Before you do, however, you need to know that a FB puppy is expensive. From what I read a healthy puppy will run you $2500 up to… much more. And after saving money to buy the dog, you’ll need to save some more for the veterinarian appointments. My research shows that some FBs are on the internet for $500. The author of one of the articles that a FB going for $500 must have some serious health issues tacked on to the usual health issues.

The bottom line is French Bull Dogs are nice, for an animal with a smashed nose, trouble breathing, little stamina, and poor health, at a price that the average pet lover can’t afford. And that’s the most popular dog of 2023.

Second place? Labrador Retriever. Those Canadians must be really ticked off.

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hayter.mark@gmail.com