Blouse versus shirts

“Dentist visit”

    I had an interesting visit to the dentist last week. It would’ve been less interesting had I needed drilled, cleaned, or pulled. Those visits are so not interesting.

    Fortunately, I was only getting a fitting for a new tooth guard. Teeth guard? Whatever. It looks like the thing a quarterback periodically puts in and pulls out of his mouth. I need one because I grind my teeth in my sleep. No, I don’t do it on purpose. What do you think I am?

At one point, I bought an over-the-counter tooth guard, but chewed it up on the third night. I dreamed I was eating popcorn and ended up gnawing the daylights out of the thing. Dr. English was having me fitted for my second professionally made guard. I can’t wait till it comes in. I asked for industrial strength.

    The best part of the dentist visit happened after Terri finished pulling all of the solidified goo out of my mouth. It takes goo to get a guard. While I’ve seen a locksmith duplicate a key by simply looking at one setting on the seat inside a locked car, I’ve never seen or heard of a dentist making a tooth guard simply by looking at a person’s teeth. No, you’ve got to make a mold for those things or else you’ll end up biting on a slant.
   
    When Terri got through with me, we walked up to the front desk to get stuff sorted and I got to talk with the women. I don’t know any male dental assistants or office help, or I would’ve talked to them, too. I’m just saying.

I got to show the girls one of my favorite Christmas gifts. It was my Savvy Caddy wallet. I mentioned it to you a week or two back. It’s wider than a regular wallet, but thinner. And, it bends, so it doesn’t make you sit on a slant. Can you tell I hate slants?

While I’m on the subject, I’d like to ask you men which pocket you put your wallet in. If you’re right handed, I assume you put it in your left back pocket. That way, you grab it with your left hand and leaf through it with your right.

Brad is right handed, but puts his wallet in his right rear pocket. That means he has to change hands when he pulls it out. I tried to explain the inefficiency of this practice, and he insulted me. Stubborn he is. And, mean.

Stacie said that her husband keeps his wallet in one of his front pockets. I thought that absolutely ridiculous… and dangerous. But, I didn’t tell her that. Common sense tells you not to upset the dental staff.

    After the wallet topic played out, the conversation went in the direction of buttons on women’s blouses compared to those on men’s shirts. The buttons on shirts are on the right side and the holes on the left. If you’re right handed, it’s the only way to fly.

If you’re left handed, it’s best to be a woman, ‘cause female buttons are on the left with holes on the right. It’s crazy out there, people. 

Then the women shocked the willies out of me by saying that the zipper flap on most women’s pants is on the right and folds left. I took their word, ‘cause I’ve never experimented with women’s pants. I do know that my flap is on the left and folds right. I don’t even know if I could zip my pants if someone swapped my flap. Brad probably could.  

Give me a second to research this button thing. – Ah, I found a source that explains it thusly: “Well-heeled” women of the Victorian Age generally had servants dress them, so buttons and flaps were placed to accommodate the right handed servants. The well-to-do men, had servants lay out their clothes, but generally dressed themselves.

I don’t know whether or not that’s true, but it’ll give me something to share when I go back to pick up my new tooth guard. By the way, do you get a tooth guard for your uppers or lowers. I don’t think I could sleep with something on my uppers.

Did I mention how interesting my dentist visit was?

END

To see Brad and Mark’s  review of Fuddruckers click on photo below.