Life after Christmas

“So, what’d you get?”

    Did you know that up until about a week ago, one third of China’s population was employed making remote controlled toy helicopters? I did the math on that after making several Christmas shopping excursions. I’m pretty good with numbers.

Unfortunately for our Asian owners, I didn’t purchase a helicopter. I happen to realize that the playlife of a remote controlled helicopter is about nine hours. After that it either breaks or is shelved due to an exponential decline in the operator’s attention span. Another of my calculations.

The remote controlled flying clown fish has a slightly less play life. How many of you got one of those things, or got the blimp shark? Balloon fish only have a two and a half-hour play life. You can do just so much indoors with a giant balloon fish. Too confined.

So, kids will immediately take the things outside where the inflatable air swimmers meet the same fate as a kite in the forest. Rather fragile devices. I’m waiting for Tonka Toys to make one.

I didn’t give or get one of the balloon fishes for Christmas. Nor did I get a “Swoop and Scoop” cereal bowl. I saw one at Brookstone, and told Kay to be sure not to get me one. The swoop scooper is a bowl that’s supposed to eliminate the horror of soggy breakfast cereal. It’s got a divide in it that looks much like the line across the Yin and Yang symbol. In the Yin part of the bowl you put your dry cereal, and the Yang gets the milk.

You’re supposed to put some dry cereal on your spoon and then dip it in the milk before eating. The cereal doesn’t have time to get soggy. I think it’s an example of supply with no demand. Of course, what do I know? Like I said, I didn’t get one.

In fact, I didn’t get or give much of anything for Christmas. I certainly didn’t give Kay much. In fact, I don’t remember what I got her, but I do remember wrapping the stuff. She picked her stuff out, except for a couple of items. She’ll be taking those back in a day or two. I don’t shop well. I know. Hard to believe, isn’t it? 

The best thing I got for Christmas was a new wallet. It’s a Savvy Caddy. Thinner than most other wallets, yet holds a ton of stuff. I have yet to convert stuff from my old wallet to the Savvy Caddy. I’ve got to set aside a day or two to complete that task. My current wallet is the size of a Major League catcher’s mitt. I sit in a slant even when I’m in my underwear. My left cheek has become somewhat recessed. Dr. Strickland said it’s a rather common condition among men.

The wallet on the left is the Savvy Caddy. It's larger, but doesn't make you sit sideways.

It's a Christmas miracle!

Where was I? Oh, yeah, gifts. Kay and I didn’t open our gifts this morning in front of the family, because this was the first year in the history of the Hayters that we haven’t all gotten together for Christmas. If you ask me, it’s the grandkids. They’ve taken over everything. Brothers and sisters, who used to be relatively sane, become unnaturally attached to their offspring’s offspring.

If I wanted to host Christmas at my house, I’d have to include kin from a three county area. And each of them would want to show off his or her Christmas gifts. You’ve got your BB pistols, your remote controlled adult trippers, electric floor gougers… I’d be yelling so much that after one get-together all the kids would be calling me Uncle Stopit.

  No, Christmas tapered off a bit this year. A bunch, actually. And, you know something? We survived. A few years ago, I would not have thought it impossible. But, life does go on… until it doesn’t.

Wow, what an unfestive thought. Let’s put that on hold for awhile. A good while. Instead let us dwell on the thought of all having a superiffic New Year. Create the beginnings of new traditions. I’m going to try that. I’m just not going to over do. Not good to start something unpleasant that might catch on. Been my experience. – Happy New Year, faithful readers… and first timers.   

END

To see Brad and Mark's review of Tailgators Pub and Grill, clip on pic below.