Topless Kate: The surprise is that anyone is surprised.

“Privacy”

    Kay and I got in an argument over whether or not the photos of a topless Duchess Kate were “A grotesque invasion of privacy.” To me, a colonoscopy is a grotesque invasion of privacy. A picture taken of Kate outside topless is merely unfortunate.

    Kay and I didn’t get into a big argument over the incident. Our most recent “big argument” involved the NFL referee strike. Kay ended up getting flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct.. 

The topless-Kate dispute did not get heated. We didn’t raise our voices, and Kay didn’t hit me or call me a name. She just gave me the ol’ what-an-idiot-look followed by her celebrated eye roll. Kay’s got the best looks.

    Kay believes that the photographer and publisher, in denying Kate her right to privacy, should be severely castigated. Me? I consider any castigation severe. I don’t even think the word should be used.

Nor do I think any punishment is due those responsible for the unfortunate episode with Kate. We all must come to grips with the fact that we can no longer walk around in he state of undress without assuming someone could take a picture of us. Nor can we say anything we want without assuming someone could record it. In short, the days of plausible deniability are gone.

    I’m not saying that’s a good thing. Plausible deniability has served us well over the years. It’s a right indirectly mentioned in The Constitution. Fourth, fifth, sixth… one of those Amendments.

All I’m saying is that we have to behave a little more than we used to. At this very moment few of us are likely getting photographed by a satellite or one of those drones or a neighbor with a camera.

    The only images cameras can’t pick up are UFOs and Big Foot. You could be dancing with Big Foot at Disneyworld and no one would get a decent shot of either of you. Just beats all.

    But, apart from those two encounters, everything else is subject to being photographed, recorded or videotaped. The only people who don’t realize that are apparently politicians and other famous people.

Oh, and don’t think you can hide from people anymore. The technology is available to find you no matter where you travel. The reason there’s no remake of the old TV Series “The Fugitive” is because the show wouldn’t last two episodes before Richard Kimble would be photographed by The Google Map van. That thing is so cool.

My big brother, Larry, recently bought an iPhone 5… I think. Could’ve been a four or six. Larry bought the expensive device so he could text his daughter. Debra is easier to contact through texting than phoning. A lot of people are. Not me. Not even I, because I’ve yet to learn the mechanics of texting.

The fact that Larry has learned is a wonderment. Other than texting and phoning, the rest of his iPhone capabilities are lost on my brother. It’s kind of like buying a BBQ smoker for an infant. Other than a toy box, what is he gonna use it for?

I asked Larry if he realized that as long as his phone is on, his every movement could be traced. He didn’t believe me. He watches the same detective shows I do, yet, nothing sinks in. I told him that he could be tracked through the GPS on his iPhone. He said, “GP what?” I told him it was like the device in his car that tells him where to go.

Larry told me that his phone doesn’t talk to him, so it obviously doesn’t have GP whatever. I’ve yet to break through Larry Logic. Not sure it can be done.  

I shouldn’t run my brother down. Like I said, I don’t know how to do stuff with my phone, either. Kay reads my texts to me after I get a backlog. And, though my phone also acts as a camera, you’re all safe around me, ‘cause I don’t know how to take a picture with it. I did find a picture of the inside of my pocket once, but I have no idea who took it.

    No, I am completely incapable of spying on anyone. You could walk around naked in front of me all day without me taking your picture. And, you could say anything you wanted, and I couldn’t record it. My word against yours. Plausible deniability, just like in The Constitution. 

And, I’m fairly sure that Kay would take your word over mine. She’s still upset over the outcome of our referee argument. She tried to tell me that “Who cares?” is a valid argument. Yep, two minutes into the ruckus she got flagged. 

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You can reach Mark at mark@rooftopwriter.com