Speaking of which...

The bed goes every direction except sideways

An update

    This week I’m going to give you a follow-up on a few things left hanging in previous weeks. Stuff that billions of readers have inquired about.

    First off, Kay and I will not be going on an Alaskan cruise in the foreseeable future. I persuaded Kay that we should use our Cruise Fund to buy a bed. The argument that won her over went something like this: “Do you really want to spend a third of our life in an old, bad bed, or in a new, really good bed?”

    The new, really good bed we ended up getting cost a bunch. It’s a king, double adjustable job. Two separate mattresses with separate controls that lift you up, put you down and vibrate you all around. The vibrating actually gives me a headache, so I only use it occasionally, and only because I can.

    We didn’t get a tempurpedic mattress like I planned, ‘cause it cost only marginally less than our car. The owner/salesman had us try out some most comforting alternatives. I’ve got to say that when you’re shopping for something that you’ll visit for the rest of your non-waking life, it’s best to get input from someone who knows beds. Believe it or not, it is possible to purchase a bed worse than the one you’ve got.

    Bottom line, my excitement over bedtime has doubled. And, no, you’re not meant to read anything into that. Speaking of “reading”, we can now raise the bed so we can comfortably read or watch TV in bed.

And, get this. When I get sleepy, I can just return my bed to the sleeping position, while Kay continues to read in the propped position. Reading makes me sleepy, but it keeps Kay awake. I didn’t know that when I married her. Had she chewed tobacco while reading in bed, it would’ve likely been a deal breaker.

    Now, concerning the bar of soap that I’ve been trying to use completely up. --  It’s still alive. It is as thin as a fitted sheet, but still lathers. A couple of readers have told me that the best way to get the sliver to completely dissolve is to stick it to a bar of new soap.

Two things wrong with that. It would be cheating if I let the soap ride along with another bar, thus skewing my findings. I hate skewed findings. Besides, the sliver is so hard that I doubt it would stick to any other soap. Maybe Dove. If Silly Putty came out with soap, it might stick to it. 

So, I fear I’ll hafta get back to you later with the results of my soap experiment. By the way, in my soap article I mentioned that two people in Latvia were the only ones to completely use up a bar of soap… in separate incidents. I joking referred to the people as Lats.

As luck would have it, I was contacted by a real life Latvian from The Woodlands. Aivars informed me that “Lat” is the name for the Latvian currency, and that the people of Latvia are referred to as “Lett.”

He also told me to stick my soap sliver to a new bar of soap. I think the Lett invented the process. Fortunately, it is obvious that Aivars has a sense of humor. Regardless, my apologies to the world population of Lett. I have fired two of my researchers over this.

    Finally, a kidney stone update. My urologist prescribed a pill that’s supposed to keep me from having any more stones. Of course, I still have to drink water constantly. . Plus, a friend recommended I drink a little bit of apple-cider vinegar now and again. Dilute it with water or something nice-tasting.

    When I asked the urologist about the vinegar, he informed me that my stones are calcium and that vinegar would likely help. He said that if I really enjoy torture, I should try it, but that the pills he prescribed should do the trick. I decided to do both. 

    Drinking diluted vinegar isn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. It’s a lot worse. There’s nothing you could possibly mix with vinegar that would make the experience more tolerable. Nothing I’ve discovered.

    Another friend recommended I drink Pomegranate juice. I do that, too. Pills, vinegar, pomegranate juice and lots of water. I will do whatever it takes to keep from writing another article about a kidney stone attack.

    I have every confidence that my next kidney stone will be acidic. – That’s it. Next time we’ll talk about something new. And, there’s a chance I’ll leave you hanging.

end

You can reach Mark at mark@rooftopwriter.com