“Unknown name/Unknown number”

    ROOFTOP – Our phone usually rings right about now. Each morning, we’ve been getting a call from “Unknown Name/Unknown Number.” Fortunately, the mystery person no longer wants us.

Like you, we’ve also received a bunch of other calls from unspecified individuals, but their calls are less scheduled. You can set your watch by the morning caller.

    I’m assuming that most of the calls were election related, some dealing with Presidential polling. I do not remember ever participating in a political poll. Caller I.D. has helped me a bunch in that respect.

    I’m not the only one screens calls am I? Surely not. Makes me wonder whom the people are who participate in polling. Who bothers to answer the phone when Unknown Name calls?

    Remember the Presidential Election of 1948? Of course, you don’t. I wasn’t born yet, but I remember. In ’48, Thomas Dewey was supposed to win the election by a landslide. That’s the way the pollsters called it.

However, it seems the pollsters depended too much on the telephone for their data, not realizing that too few Democrats owned phones.Truman won big.

Apparently, in 2012, too few Republicans in swing states had caller I.D. Either that or they were oddly attracted to Unknown Caller. Me, I have nothing to say to the person.

Now that I think of it, I have come close to participating in polls on-line sponsored by different retailers. However, when I’m asked for my birth date I always end the contact. I don’t mind telling people how old I am, but I’m not crazy about giving out my birthday. I fear it provides someone with one more bit of crucial info for identity theft. Next thing I know, someone has a credit card in my name from Gotcha Bank.

Trust? I only have about half bucket left of the stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I trust you. If I didn’t, would I let you sit on my roof like this? I think not. No, it’s just a few of those other bozos out there that really—Beg your pardon? Too negative? Right. We don’t wanna use the rooftop to talk trash. What was I thinking? So, what you got?

Thanksgiving? Okay, we can do that. Is everyone coming over to your place for Thanksgiving or to Memaws? Are you the Memaw? By the way, “memaw” is a derivative of the French-Canadian word grandmother -- meme. I must’ve read that somewhere, ‘cause I’m not nearly that smart.

So, again, where are you having Thanksgiving? —At Denny’s? I wasn’t looking for that. That’s just sad in so many ways. But, I can see where it might be a blessing for some. Everyone knows what time to show up. Everyone leaves at the same time. Few stick around to take a nap under the table. I’m speaking from experience here. Yeah, I could see where a Denny’s Turkey Day might be appealing.

Speaking of turkey and dressing, that’s what I ordered yesterday at a non-Denny’s eatery. Kay and I took her kid-brother, Tracy, out for lunch. After I ordered, Tracy jumped all over me. Not literally. That’d be stupid. –  No, he said, “Mark, why are you ordering turkey and dressing just a few days before Thanksgiving?”

“Because I like it.” That’s what I told him. I think two occasions a year is not nearly enough for turkey and dressing. I think the stuff should be a daily feature on most menu’s. Maybe not at Chinese places. Or Italian and Mexican. And, not BBQ eateries, and fast-food joints. But, everywhere else needs to provide access to turkey and dressing on a regular basis. And, were I President, they would.

Remember what Romney said he’d do on his first day of office? He’d do away with “Obama Care” and he’d start punishing the Chinese for unfair trade practices? Well, were I elected, I’d find out what the State Department really knows about UFOs and make the info public, and I’d issue an executive order for restaurants to provide turkey and dressing on a daily basis

I may not win an election, but I sure bet I’d poll well. What phone answering person could possibly be opposed to something like that?
     
    And, yes, the turkey and dressing idea is stupid. But, that UFO idea is the real deal. I don’t care if it’s aliens or swamp gas or old Nazi scientists, I’d find out and make it public.

I’d probably make a national statement from atop the White House. As soon as the opposition party saw me sitting on the roof, they’d be scrambling around for copy of the 25th Amendment. That’s the one that tells you how to replace a President gone nuts. Oh, I’d be out of there all right.

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To view Mark and Brad's Juan and Lefty's restaurant review, click on pic.

 

You can reach Mark at mark@rooftopwriter.com