My smoked turkey vs Kay's oven baked turkey breast. No contest.

“Thanksgiving’s past. Long live Christmas”


    The family really enjoyed the turkey I smoked for Thanksgiving. No one actually used the words “really” and “enjoyed” in reference to my turkey, but when Kay and I loaded up to leave, there was no bird left.

    You didn’t ask, but I ended up smoking the turkey for six hours. The chef on the Internet said to smoke it for 30 to 40 minutes per pound. Gobble Guy was about 14 pounds. (I name my turkeys. Only the males.) After six hours, Guy looked done and was the right temperature inside, so I yanked him.

And, yes, we’ve actually got a meat thermometer. It was a gift, probably, ‘cause I don’t remember buying such a thing. Once I used it to help me shell some walnuts, but never for finding the temperature of anything.

After reading what was said about how to tell when your bird is done, I asked Kay if we had anything that could be used as a meat thermometer. She reached into a drawer and pulled out the nut-digger thing. I had no idea it was dual purpose.

By the way, we had Thanksgiving at Jill’s house. That’s where the family has most of its together moments. Everything we had was delicious. Unfortunately, we had no mashed potatoes or cookies ‘cause the niece who signed up to bring the stuff got sick on Thanksgiving morning. It was reported that she and two of my grand nephews had fever.

While that’s unfortunate, it in no way dismisses one’s responsibility for furnishing what was assigned. Sure we had plenty of other desserts and a lot of leftovers, but that matters not. Fever? Broken bones? Dry heaves? Hey, you sign up for it, you see that it gets there. If sick you get, you must ship it. (Johnny Cochran/Dapperton vs. USPS). 

Instead of playing football this year, we decided to watch it. Did you see that Texan game? Had I been a Detroit fan, I would’ve thrown a turkey leg across the room.

How many of you knew that a coach gets penalized for challenging a touchdown? His team gets a 15 yard penalty on the kickoff for “unsportsman like conduct”, and the refs refuse to review the play.  And the reason for this stupidity? “The refs were automatically going to review the play anyway, but not now ‘cause the coach was too impatient.

To those who have no clue what I’m talking about, I have been advised not to try to explain. During my explanation to Dardon Ann, Dennis’s wife, I ended up with my hands around her throat. Immediately before the sixth explanation, I go ballistic. I had no idea. Now that I know, it may save lives.

Speaking of anger issues, how many of you saw Ndamukong Shu intentionally kick our quarterback right in his sensitives? After they replayed the shameful scene a couple of times, my sweet niece, Shauna, said, “They oughtta kill him.”

 She was making fun of us for taking the game so seriously. When things get out of hand, it’s a gift to have someone precious around you.

Schaub after being accidentally tendered

Suh stretching to accidentally kick Schaub in the tenders

Other than those two brief ventures into the maniacal, Thanksgiving came off without a hitch. The Texans won, the food was great, and I got to leave before the clean up started.

Oh, and Kay and I drove straight home. No stops to shop. It just does not seem right that so many stores stayed open on Thanksgiving. Did you see the number of ads in Thursday’s newspaper? It was one time that the word “unbelievable” could be used without exaggeration.

I’m trying to imagine a warehouse with two or three people surrounded by stacks of ads. Each grabs one ad from each stack and stuffs ‘em all inside one newspaper. Then do it again, and again, and… Hats off to newspaper stuffers, one of society’s many under-appreciated. Hopefully Santa is taking note.

    Speaking of which, now that Thanksgiving is gone, bring on the chubby guy with all the presents. If you haven’t started your list, you’d better get on the ball. Kay is way ahead of the game. She already gave me my gift. I won’t tell you what it is, but I will tell you that last Thursday I taped the Texan game on it. I can now continually replay the moment Suh kicked our quarterback.

    I just hope Santa watched the game. Like Shauna, I don’t wish bodily harm to Suh, but I wouldn’t mind if Santa gave him a fly-by. Take that, Ndamukong!

End

To see Brad and Mark’s review of Juan and Lefty’s Mexican Kitchen, click on pic. 

 Contact Mark at mark@rooftopwriter.com.