Doin' great

Scratch your own back


    Less than a few of you have asked how I’m doin’. I’m great. I just got back from seeing my urologist and got a big thumbs up. Figuratively.

    Seems my prostate hasn’t grown back, nor have any new kidney stones formed. I was so happy with the news that I considered hugging the doc, but I remembered reading somewhere that 62 percent of all urologists prefer not to be hugged. I think it’s urologists. Somebody doesn’t like hugging.

    I haven’t been letting on, but I’ve really been concerned about kidney stones. I’ve been drinking a lot more water and not eating nearly as much dry toast since my last attack. The toast part is unrelated, but I thought it worth mentioning. 

    Since my eighth attack, I get scared when I get even the slightest ache anywhere below my neck. At least I did before I got the thumbs up.  Now I’m good for another year or so.

    And, guess what else. A couple of weeks back I got a flu shot. It’s only my second. I got my first flu shot from the school nurse at Oak Ridge High a bunch of years ago. They had a special deal for teachers. We got a free chalkboard eraser with each shot. It was something like that.

Anyway, a few days later I got the flu. If I didn’t get it from the shot, I likely got it from one of three dozen students who came to my desk to bum some of my Kleenexes. Back then, kids were too cool to carry handkerchiefs. I imagine that hasn’t changed.

I also got a shot for shingles. I’ve never had shingles, but Kay has. She had a slight case on her forehead once. She tried to hide it by combing her hair over her face, but the touch of hair to her skin hurt too much. When hair hurts, that’s not good.

A month ago, while I was talking to some of the guys at church about urination frequency, Kay got in a conversation with some of the ladies about shingles. Fellowship takes different forms.

One lady said that she got shingles in her eye. Someone else got ‘em across the stomach. Another on top of her head. From what Kay told me, shingles is not particular.

Kay seems to think that you can only get shingles if you’ve had chickenpox. I choose to believe her because Kay is smart, and because chicken pox is the only childhood disease I’ve ever had. Mumps, measles, whooping cough, tonsillitis… I dodged ‘em all. If that’s not a harbinger for shingles, nothing is.  

The only ailment I ever hoped to get was mononucleosis. With mono you could miss school for 40 days. We called it the kissing disease, but I heard that you could also get it from unwashed vegetables. I knew I’d come closer to eating sullied greenery than I would to kissing a girl, so I wolfed down a bunch of unwashed lettuce. Nothing.

Truth is, I’m not sure Mom washed food back then. This was before Americans got so obsessed with health. I imagine we ate so many tainted vegetables back then that most of us developed an immunity to a lot of ailments. Unfortunately, I must’ve developed a resistance to mono. Just my luck.

Other than kidney stones, allergies and colds, I don’t get sick very often. Oh, I’ll get an occasional rash, but nothing that develops into something bad. And, that’s a good thing, ‘cause I doubt there is a husband in this county who has had his back scratched or rubbed less than I have. Even the rare times that Kay has a mind to scratch, she’s bad at it. -- Sly, this one. 

Can you believe there is no back-scratcher in this house? We’ve got a 30-year-old bottle of earwax remover, but no back-scratcher.

Last week I was walking down the baking goods aisle at Kroger and noticed a sale on salad tongs -- Buy one, get one FREE! I bought one for salad tossing and got the other one for back scratching. I haven’t tried it yet, but have high hopes.

From all of this, you can discern that my health is fine. Of course, I could have a fall tomorrow, but I can deal with it… just as long as my kidneys are stone free.

Yeah, I think I should’ve put on some rubber gloves and hugged my urologist. He may not be one of the 62 percent with hug issues, but best not to take chances with a urologist. I’m just sayin’. – Next time.

End

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Hole in the wall Grill -- James Canada