Reaction to giant egg in the park.

“Audition”

    How many times have you taken a test or had a job interview or cheerleader tryout and found yourself unprepared? It’s happened to me twice in recent weeks, and it wasn’t my fault… either time.

    Have you seen the commercial about the big egg in a park handing out boxes of cereal? I auditioned for that commercial. Did you see me anywhere in it? No, I was unprepared during the audition, because of my agent.

I doubt my agent could pick me out of a lineup. That’s largely because I seldom go to the office, and I look nothing like my headshot.

Regardless, my agent e-mailed me the time and place for the cereal audition. I’d be a guy walking in a park with his wife and a dog on a leash. No dialog. No mention of a big egg. Piece of cake, right?

I replied to the e-mail, asking if I would be the one walking the dog, or if my unknown wife might handle the leash. I’m not good with dogs. My agent shot back one of those text comments. <:- br="" good="" i="" idiot="" into="" it.="" m="" nbsp="" not="" read="" somehow="" things.="" those="" with="">
The audition was filmed in a small studio. Not in a park. Against one of the walls in the room was a big piece of cardboard with a tiny window. Two ladies and I were hurried into the room, and the director told us to pretend to be walking in the park, and reacting to the sight of a giant egg. Someone inside the egg would hand us boxes of cereal. – “Ready? Quiet on the set! And—“

A giant egg? Nobody told me about a giant egg. How do you act when you see a really big egg? I needed time to think, so I interrupted and asked about the dog. I had practiced dog walking, but there was no dog.

The guy told me to forget the dog. I asked which lady was supposed to be my wife. He told me I had no wife. I asked about dialog. Since my wife and dog had been taken from me, I figured maybe dialog was added. The director said. – “Sure, okay. Say whatever you’d say if you saw a giant egg in the park. And, action!”

I’m fairly sure I over reacted when I saw the make-believe egg. I do that sometimes. Hard to believe, but I didn’t get the part. When the commercial came out it had a real-lookingl giant egg. The people who saw it didn’t act scared or even surprised. When a hand came out of the egg, they just reached over and grabbed the free cereal.

I wasn’t what they were looking for, largely because I didn’t know what they were looking for. I had intended to play off of a dog and my unknown wife. Instead, I had to make up stuff to say to a really big egg. I had no idea it would be like that.  <:- br="">
A week or two after that, crazy ol’ Brad Meyer and I went to the Owen Theater in Conroe to audition for a part in The Players Theater Company Old Time Radio Hour. In a few weeks, The Players will broadcast its first radio production – A Philip Marlow episode – on Lone Star Internet Radio.

Brad actually came to write a story about the upcoming event, but also wanted to audition to be the announcer. Brad’s was once a disk jockey and thought his voice would work well in an announcer’s role.

When Brad’s turn came, he was ushered into the audition room, handed a script and told to read for one of thugs, a guy named Baldy. Normally, Brad wouldn’t even have to act to be a thug, but, boy, was he a flop. He even told me so. When Brad says he did bad, you know he stunk up the place, ‘cause he never does bad.

I went in to read for Marlow, but was handed a script and was asked to read for Baldy. Why was this happening to me? Fortunately, unlike Bradly, I had prepared myself for all the roles. Even the lady parts. Hey, you never know.  

Turns out, I got the part of  Waldo, a sarcastic guy who gets iced in the first scene. Brad? He got nothin’, nada, zilch cakes. Serves him right for being unprepared.

He’ll know better next time. The Players plan to produce a show each month. The second show will actually be broadcast live with an audience. How cool is that.

    I plan to write a script for a husband and wife team and submit it to the director, Craig Campobella. If he likes it enough to try it out, he’ll probably assign my part to crazy ol’ Brad and let me play the lady in the grocery store. A lot of stuff happens to me in the grocery store.

    If some of you decide to crawl out of your rut and audition for stuff, be prepared to be unprepared. They might take your dog and your spouse. They may even turn you into a sarcastic dead guy. But, it’s generally a really fun experience. Unless you’re like Brad. He’s a real <:- br="">
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To view Brad and Mark’s video of their visit to The Woodlands Taste of town, click below.