“My
Moon Moving Experience”
GRANDVIEW,
WA – Back in March, Kay got us motel reservations at a place right in the path
of last week’s total eclipse. Every hotel, B&B, rent house, doghouse, outhouse…
had already jacked their prices way up there. But due to her due diligence,
sticktoativeness, and true grit, Kay managed to find a room for under $200 in a
small town outside of Nashville.
That
was back in March. Some of you may recall that since then, the forces that be
(Kay) set in motion a scheme that put us here in Washington to wait out the
completion of a new house in Conroe. So, stay with me here, instead of driving
800 miles from Texas to Tennessee to reach our reserved room, we would have to
travel 2400 miles from Washington to Tennessee.
The question we had to
ask ourselves was, “Considering the center path of the total eclipse was now
186 miles south of us, was a 2400 mile-drive to Ruby Jewel’s B&B worth the
time, effort and expense?”
A change of plans is no
big deal for a person who is flexible as all get out. (Mark) You cancel the
Tennessee reservations and make new reservations for a hotel in Oregon. –
Excuse me just a second. – Sorry, I just lost it for a moment. Where was I? Oh,
yeah, hotel reservations in Oregon. I’m here to tell you that pandemonium took
a two week stop in the Northwest during this entire eclipse thing.
More than a few motels
actually cancelled reservations for those who had reserved rooms months in
advance and then resold the rooms at 20 times the original price. There is fine
print that allowed some managers to do that legally, but many decided that any
backlash from their illegal actions would be worth the added revenue.
Farmers
turned their recently harvested fields into campgrounds. Tent-sized plots were going
for $25 to $300. No water, roads or other amenities were provided. I take that
back. I did see a few port-a-potties in one area. Regardless, the hillsides
were packed.
I
heard the story from Bend, Oregon about a guy who lived on a cul-de-sac and
leased spots in his driveway for people to spend the night in their cars. I’m
assuming all of the 24 hour Wal-Mart parking lots were full. All over the
state, gasoline was in short supply. Prices at restaurants and greasy spoons
shot way up there. Ruby Jewel’s was looking much better.
Not to worry, Kay and I
would switch to Plan B. A few hours before the eclipse, we would drive into
Oregon, see the eclipse and then turn around and drive back. Easy peasy… and
just as stupid as it could be.
The news out of Oregon
was that 30 mile long traffic jams were stopping traffic in all directions, and
this was three days before the eclipse! Oregon state troopers said there would
be no parking on the shoulder of the roads or on the grass. Vehicles on the
shoulder would impede emergency vehicle access. Cars on the grass might start
grass fires.
Plan
C: Stay in Grandview and view the 97%
eclipse. How big a deal can three percent sunlight be? Kay managed to order 20
pair of eclipse glasses in preparation for the viewing. That was two too few
for all of the Washington family that showed up. Hey, you get bed, breakfast,
lunch and supper, a restroom, shower and an above ground swimming pool. It’s
party time!
Turns
out, we had the best time ever. Apparently, during a solar eclipse people get a
little ditzy. I don’t remember if what was being said was all that funny, but
we sure did laugh a lot. The things you can do with a pair of blinding glasses.
You can play “Guess who just pinched you.” – “Catch the apple.” – “Name what
you just ate.”
During
all the fun, we found it necessary to assign one adult as the designated child
observer. – “No, no, hold the glasses horizontally! Put ‘em across your nose
and use both lenses. And, no, we don’t play
who-can-look-at-the-sun-the-longest-without-the-safety glasses. Uncle Mark, I
expected better of you.”
After
the eclipse died away, four-year-old Bella asked if it was okay to now look at
the sun without the glasses. This inspired some nitwit to respond, “Wait a
minute. Were we supposed to use glasses?” Again I got yelled at.
That
night, PBS had a special on the total eclipse. The testimonies of those who
witnessed the event were awe inspiring. “You can’t exaggerate the wonderfulness
of the experience.” – “I cried. I really did.” – “Everyone must see it at least
once. It will change you forever.”
You
know what would change me forever? The thought that I once paid $4200 for two
nights at the Clean Beds Inn in Felltree, Oregon, or had to pay a $250 ticket
for parking on the shoulder of highway 97 in Oregon, and another $375 for
wetting on the shoulder of the road while pretending to check the oil.
No
question, it was sad to be that close to a total eclipse without getting to see
it. If I’m still around in 2024, I’ll get another chance as another total
eclipse heads on a path throu
end
You can contact Mark at
hayter.mark@gmail.com.
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