"Jill, the lone camper"
 |
| Jill's pose when confronting a bear |
I had no idea that a polar bear
could smell a seal carcass buried a foot in the snow from 20 miles away. Did
you know that? Unfortunately, that tidbit of info isn’t going to help Jill one
bit.
I’ve being
doing some research for my kid sister, because she’s about to go on a camping
trip. By herself. Jill likes to camp. I
don’t know why. Just shocks the daylights out of me.
Two weeks ago she went camping with Dennis and Al and
their wives. Dennis and Al each have a camping trailer. Jill has a tent. One of
those small, round things that practically pops up when you throw it on the
ground. I saw a tent do that once on Youtube, but I’ve never seen Jill’s tent
do that, because I’ve never gone camping with her. Don’t intend to.
When she
visited last weekend I took her to Sam’s where she bought a two-room tent with a porch.
Got it for $150. Jill now
has a bigger and better tent, but nobody to go camping with. I hate that, but
not enough to go with her. So, I’m doing the second best thing. I’m going to
teach her some surviving skills.
There
are a number of wild creatures one may encounter in the great outdoors. Some of
‘em are just as nice and cute as can be. Others? On average, three to five people are
killed by wild animals in North America each year. Death by shark attack is
included in that number. In Australia, half the population is bitten, clawed,
swallowed or poisoned by creatures and plants each week.That’s a guesstimate
based on the movies I’ve seen.
I
haven’t read about that many bear attacks in Australia. Aussies have discovered it's best to steer clear of the koala. But, there have been
some serious bear attacks here in the US of A. The bear Jill would face would be a black
bear. I think there are about three of ‘em left in East Texas. I just read up
on what to do when confronted by a grizzly. I’m pretty sure the safety measures
are similar to those one should apply when facing a black bear. Only difference
being, the safety measures may actually work on a black bear.
Step 1: If Jill encounters
a bear on the path between her and the campground’s restroom facility, she must
stay calm. -- Example: Okay, I’m on this path because
I had to wee. But, that was before I saw the bear. That situation has now
become moot.
Step 2: Evaluate the situation: The
bear is just staring at me. It’s apparently taking time to do its own
evaluation. At this point it’s time for Jill to introduce herself to the bear. She needs to speak calmly, so as to let the
bear know that she is a human who holds no animosity toward any creature great
or small. Caution – Don’t bother walking over to shake hands. (I threw that in
just in case Jill tries to sue me after her bear introduction step.)
Step 3: Begin
walking away from the bear. Slowly!: Be sure to keep your eyes on
the bear and on the path while exiting the area. The guy who wrote the bear book
didn’t say anything about watching where you’re going. He’s going to get his
pants sued off. If I’m a bear, and I see
someone trip, I immediately calculate the number of meals I can get out of the
idiot who is thrashing around on the ground. I speak for most bears when I say
that.
 |
| Joey Heatherton |
In
truth, there are a number of things to fear while camping. I have done no
research on encounters of the snake kind. I don’t like to look snakes. If I see
a picture of a snake before bedtime, I’ll dream of snakes. That used to happen
to me with Joey Heatherton.
But,
let’s forget snakes and bears and Joey. While doing my research, I discovered
that wild animals are the least of one’s concern while camping. One thing I
need to mention to Jill is the chance encounter of a vending machine near the
showers or pavilion. On average, 3 people are killed by vending machines each
year. (Seriously)
I must also
urge Jill to fight the urge to climb any trees around her campsite. In this
country alone, 100 people die each year from falling out of trees. Seven
hundred as a result of falling from ladders and scaffolding. Riding lawnmowers
cause, on average, 95 deaths per year. Jill is to bring none of those things
with her.
Bottom
line, in this wild and crazy world we have many concerns. Christmas trees, bread clips, flip flops,
umbrellas… each of these items have inflicted pain and death. If one were to
explain how it’s possible for each of those to kill you, there would be
thousands of deaths reported the next day. Most of ‘em in Missouri. (Show me
State)
No, we
must at all times maintain our cool. That’s my advice to Jill. Regardless of
the situation, she needs to stay calm while making an assessment. I’m not
saying that’s what I’d do. But, then I’m not the one camping out i – If I get any news about
Jill’s camping experience, I’ll pass it along.
end
Mark can be contacted at hayter.mark@gmail.com.
An archive of Hayter’s articles can be found at http://markhayterscolumn.blogspot.com
Oh my goodness! Loved it.
ReplyDelete