Found the phone!
Christmas came early this year. -- Are you ready for this? – I found my cell phone. Some of you may remember that I lost the thing back in July. I had every confidence it was still in the house.
I supposed a gnome got it. Now I’m thinking a troll. I have no respect for those things. The reason one must come to the conclusion of the involvement of supernatural villain, has to do with where the phone eventually showed up.
I was sitting in my Lay-z-boy swivel rocker recliner getting ready to end a swivel and go into a recline. Kay was at the dining table just behind me and yelled, “Stop! You’re about to crunch your phone.” I understood the command, but the reasoning was all wrong. I seldom put my new cell phone under my rocker.
Turns out it was the old phone. I knew immediately because my phone replacement has a blue backing and my lost one is red. Kay didn’t catch onto to that because she didn’t share my heartache for my lost phone. All along I thought the thing would show up the day after I had replaced. The troll waited five months before putting it in the open.
The scary part of this is that I not only checked on the sides of the cushions, sticking my hand down in sticky places I don’t even like to talk about. But, I have turned that chair upside down no less that 12 times since losing that phone. One of the times was to search for the phone. Two were to double and triple check. I’m a relentless searcher of things. Everybody tells me that.
The other nine occasions for flipping the chair was to locate the source of a maddening squeak the thing has. At no time did the phone show itself . And, I’ve got to tell you, there are not that many places to hide underneath a Lay-Z-Boy. There are places really hard to get to, but you can clearly see where it is you need to get.
Well, Kay had a great idea a few days ago to move the living room furniture around. It’s a woman thing. It was shortly after the furniture move that the phone showed up on the two-foot diameter wooden base on which the swivel rocker recliner sets. Or sits. I don’t know what a chair does.
So, now I have a spare phone. I don’t need it. Probably won’t be able to find it when I do. Somewhere in this house is a gnome, troll, or phantom laughing its rear off. It’s taking all I’ve got hide my anger over the hoax. It’s been my experience that the more fuss you make over a practical joke, the more pleasure the jokester receives, and the more likely he, she or it is to perform again.
I am quite proud of Kay for noticing the phone immediately before the chair smashed it. I seriously doubt that was part of the apparition’s scheme. Kay was such a catch for me. Don’t you think? A couple of weeks ago we had our 47th anniversary. I knew it was coming, I just forgot when it showed up.
It was in the late afternoon that Kay started laughing. And, I hadn’t even said or done anything remotely comical. She said, “You know what today is?” I didn’t. “It’s our anniversary,” she said. The fact that she was laughing made it okay for me to laugh about it. Isn’t that great?
It’s really no big deal, because it turns out that the proper gift for a 47th anniversary is a book. Kay buys a book on-line or at Sam’s almost weekly. The chance of me finding her a book that she hadn’t already read would be a challenge that my skills of discernment would lacking.
The male gift for a 47 year anniversary used to be a radiator cap. In ’64 it was changed to a rubber mallet. Kay could find more use for a rubber mallet than I could. But, the anniversary gift exchange is now moot. Just as well. They’ve probably come up with a better 47 year anniversary gift for a husband. If it’s one of those salt shooting, fly killer guns I’d be just a tad upset over Kay not remembering our anniversary.
And, speaking of gift giving, who is that crazy, bearded, wire-glasses wearing, red-coated and red-trousered wearing, plump, jovial guy that’ll be showing up soon?
I believe I’ve made it clear as crystal that at no time in my childhood did I ever believe in Santa Claus. Part of that was due to my keen sense of reason. The other part was due to the fact that Dennis was three years older than me. No way was he going to let me put up with any of that Santa Claus nonsense. I owe him for that. I never told Mom or Dad who let me in on the Santa fabrication. Oddly enough they never asked.
Like I said from the beginning, Kay has already given me my Christmas gift. – The lost phone! Remember? – I’ll need to get her something, but have not a clue. Probably should give her a bookcase.
end
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