Hayter’s article for June 26, 2022
“Liver News”
Don’t you just hate it when life seems to be moving along in greased grooves and all of a sudden you learn something that kicks you right in the rear? -- If you have to think about that for more than two seconds, it’s never happened to you.
I have several such episodes, the most recent occurring last Friday. I was sitting right where I am now doing stuff so important that I can’t remember what it was. Out of the blue, Kay yelled to me from the living room. I’ve been having trouble making sense from Kay’s distant voice.
I yelled back, “What?” She then yells something that sounded like parts of the original yell. This caused me to leave my nest, and move my buns to the living room, where I said, “What sweetpea?” -- Kay replies, “Oh, you didn’t have to come in here. I just sent you something from YouTube that might help.” – “Ah. Thank you, darling. I enjoyed the visit,” is what I said.
I couple of hours later, I pulled up what Kay forwarded. It had to do with fat livers. My doctor once told me that I have one of those. So Kay wanted me to hear from another doctor. The malnourished-looking gentleman was Dr. Sten Ekberg. He seemed as nice as could be, but his message came from purgatory.
It didn’t start out that way. He began by explaining why my liver ends up with a lot of fat on it. His explanation stunk on ice. When you eat something that the liver doesn’t know what to do with, it turns it into something bad and sends on down the line. Some of these things end up clogging your blood vessels. Your liver doesn’t know that it’s messing you up. It doesn’t have time to dawdle, so it just throws something together and moves it along. Reminds me of a job I used to have.
Stuff like alcohol and certain prescription drugs confuse the liver. “What do I do with this stuff?” If those words ever cross your mind, it’s your liver talking to itself.
I fast-forwarded through much of what Dr. Ekberg discussed. The part I took notice of had to do with the foods that are bad for my liver. You may get by eating a small quantity of a bad thing. If I cut down on my intake of bread, I’ll be miserable, but my liver will love me. If I only eat a small cube of watermelon, that’s fine. However, if I have a seedless watermelon I can’t eat a small cube. Who can?
I was okay with most of the stuff until he got to nuts. Turns out, it’s okay to eat the nuts you don’t care for. Walnuts? They’re okay, but sheeesh. I don’t care to eat a walnut unless it’s hidden inside a cake or pie.
When it comes to peanuts, I like ‘em. In my cabinet, I’ve got a stash of peanuts, some with shells and some without. It’s okay if I eat half a handful twice a week, but beyond that, I’m messin’ up my liver. Give me a break!
You can imagine how upset I was about that. But you can’t imagine how ballistic I got when Sten Ekberg (Who names their kid, ‘Sten’?) mentioned the one nut that I must not eat in any quantity! -- The cashew! – I eat a cup of cashews three times a week. Three days before I saw Sten, I purchased another of those square plastic jars of unsalted cashews at Sam’s. I got unsalted because I knew that I needed to cut down on my salt. I had no idea that I needed to quit cashews altogether! (I know. Too many exclamation points!)
So, there you have it. Just when I was getting to appreciate YouTube, something like this hits me right in the liver. And, I have Kay to blame. That girl even went to the trouble of explaining the information Ekberg gave that I refused to listen to. Crazy, it was!
I didn’t know that the liver makes bile. I thought it was made in either my kidneys or pancreas. No, the liver makes bile and then shoots it to your gall bladder which shoots to either your stomach or intestines so you can digest your food. Without the liver, you’d have no bile, and without bile, you’d be so full of unprocessed food that you’d explode. I don’t think I could put up with that.
If I keep eating cashews and all the other food that I like, my liver will have too much work to do sorting stuff out that it will just start moving it along to my gallbladder. Some of the stuff will produce gall stones. Some will start making enough triglycerides to clog the Grand Coulee. With the right kind of food intake, your liver or gallbladder can make stuff like Uranium 238.
And that, my friend, is why cave-people seldom had any liver trouble. Same with Vikings, cowboys, Indians, Peruvians, and pioneers. Those people ate only what they could find. Since cashews grow in Brazil, our ancestors never touched them. Fat that cavemen and pioneers ate was good for them. Livers love fat. They turn it into bile. No fat, no bile; no bile, no go. No go, no toilet!
Before I leave you, I’d like to thank Kay for destroying my life. I realize she meant well, but good grief! I’d also like to thank Dr. Sten Ekberg for his punch to my liver.
There is still hope. I have every confidence that another “doctor” has already posted something on YouTube about how cashews are great for my liver. -- Give me a second. I’m going to look up “Benefits of Cashews”.--
That didn’t take long. I just found out that cashews are good for your bones, skin, eyes, heart, blood, and brains. I would have more faith in this doctor’s findings had he not added HAIR! If that were true, I’d have hair down to my heels. – No, I have no faith in the pro-cashew doctors. Now, I’m thinking of Captain Kirk and his anger toward Khan. I can feel the Captain’s pain. --
“STEN!!!!”
end
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