Mask, Taco Bell, Telescope

“Mask, Mexican Pizza, and a Telescope”

             Please! Settle down, people! Sorry I’m late. I had to see a man about a horse. My dad used that excuse for stuff. Seriously, let’s all calm down. We’re using Big Al’s house today because Marlena and he are at a family gathering 100 miles from here. They will be back this evening, so let’s get through three items that have dogged me.

            Issue Number One: I think it’s time we go back to the masks. No, no, hear me out! I went to my doctor last week for my six-month drug refill check-up. I wore my mask to his office because I thought I had to. My doctor had been wearing a mask for the last three checkups, but not this one. He told me that he got all four of his shots and still caught COVID three times. He said the last time was the worst.

            I told him that his problem has to do with him being around sick people. They may wear a mask, too, but they’re covered in COVID breath from before they set foot in the door. I explained to him that COVID viruses get together to alter their last modus operandi. Should they eliminate their red fluffy balls and go to green? They’re tricky. That’s the point I tried to make. While my doctor has a sense of humor, he doesn’t like me explaining stuff to him.

Let’s get past that. Issue Number Two: We’re boycotting Taco Bell. Those jack donkeys quit making their Mexican Pizza AGAIN! I went to The Bell last Sunday and the girl said they were out of Mexican Pizzas. I thought that odd because all of the ingredients for a Mexican pizza are used in everything else they make. I did not complain to the window girl, because I don’t think she’s the one who made the decision.    

A few days later, I went to a different Taco Bell.  The new girl told me that The Bell took Mexican Pizzas off the menu. I didn’t yell at her, either, but I went away steamed. During its rebirth, I only had one Mexican Pizza. I assumed they were here for the duration. I just didn’t think the duration would be two months.  

Taco Bell might as well announce that they’re going to make a Taco McRib. Yes, The Bell is now playing the ol’ McDonald game. The stage is now set for the killing off the glazed cake donut. It’s my goal to die before that happens. Unless, of course, it happens before the third season of “Witcher”.

Issue Number Three:  The James Webb Telescope. It’s spectacular. The thing is already a million miles away, which is probably a nano-mile in the space-time continuum. James Webb was an astronomer who worked for NASA from 1961 to ’68. He’s responsible for the path NASA has been on since its creation. The moon landing would’ve happened 50 years later without JW. JFK must’ve sensed that. 

Now the path of NASA is less involved with putting humans on the Moon or Mars. By the time they do that, cake donuts will be gone.  

You ask me, the bazillionaires are the ones who are going to put people in space.  These guys have even figured out how to land a gigantic rocket engine on a ship! As a kid, I was smart enough to know that it was impractical to try to get a rocket to park itself on a platform after re-entry. Buck Rogers was able to do it back in the good ol’ days.  

We now have been blessed by receiving light from stellar images some of which are 13 billion light years away. JW’s telescope has sent back data showing planets, stars, galaxies, quasars, and swirly things as they looked several billion years ago. They could all be dead by now.

The colors we’re seeing are conglomerates of three colors -- red, blue, and green. The base colors are derived from Oxygen, Hydrogen, and Sulfur. Through the combination of molecules developed from these three elements, we’re getting back a bunch of different colors. The importance of the colors is that they can be used to estimate the size, distance, types of gases, as well as the presence of water. How astronomers can use colors to denote the distance, size, and age of objects in space is due to Albert Einstein. That’s just a guess. James Webb probably helped some, too.   

By the way, the massive telescope doesn’t actually send back photos. It communicates to the earth through a language that contains two digits. Astronomers have to download a bazillion million equations before developing an image. -- (Keep in mind we put a man on the moon using a slide rule.)  

So, what is the message from this space find? You and your household may do as it wishes, but for me and Kay, we’re going to feel small. I can’t understand galaxies, black holes, super-voids, anti-matter, quasars, or even penguins. They were here before I got here, and I can only assume will be here long, long after I’m gone.  

Beg pardon? Oh, right. The earth could be destroyed today. I’ll say this about that. As soon as the world is destroyed, it will take forever and a day for all of the universe to know of its loss. So what can we gather from all of this?  With COVID,  I shall believe that it will stick around until it doesn’t. Unless Governor Abbot outlaws the wearing of a mask, I plan to wear one.  

The Mexican Pizza incident? I am now boycotting Taco Bell… at least until I feel the urge for a Chalupa Supreme with beef.

The J Webb Telescope?  It has provided evidence that we are but a grain of sand in the universe. That’s already helped me view my worries as small. Except for this one. Don’t mention to my kid brother that we used his house for our meeting.

 

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