MARK HAYTER 936-537-0918 hayter.mark@gmail.com
Hayter article
for September 18, 2022
“COVID: Weird Virus”
You wanna know what you’re going to say after you read this article? You’re gonna say, “Finally, Hayter has come up with something helpful!” You may not use the exact same words, but it’ll be close.
Today, I’m talking about brain fog. You, your spouse, and one or all of your kids may have fogged brains. I’ve had one for a little over a week. My fog is related to COVID-19. Do you know what “COVID” stands for? The “V” stands for “virus”. You’ll have to look up the COID part because I don’t give a rat’s rump. Hey, I’ve got brain fog!
Over the course of two years, I’ve had four COVID shots. I should’ve taken the fifth. Not the amendment, the shot. -- Work with me here. -- The thing is, a few months back I quit wearing a mask when I noticed my doctor wasn’t wearing one. If your doctor doesn’t care, it must be safe. The thing is, my doctor caught COVID three times, and he’s had all his shots. Of course, doctors get COVID all over their shirts and pants. Then they’ll pull their masks down to scratch their nose. Gotcha! COVID is tricky as all get out.
I should’ve kept up with my mask-wearing. When I got a couple of the symptoms of the virus, I gave myself the COVID test. I was negative. Kay told me I didn’t probe deep enough into my nose. Granted, I didn’t keep pushing until I hit my ear canal like the four other nincompoops did when they tested me. They don’t stop until they hit something that hurts.Three days later, I had several COVID symptoms. But, my nasal passage is unscathed.
My first symptom was weird flashes of nausea. I’d never heard of ‘em. I’d be watching TV and all of sudden I’d have a deja-vu moment. I’d think, “Hey, I’ve been in that detective’s room before.” All of a sudden I’m looking for a trash can to catch my stomach contents. But, the feeling goes away.
Sometimes my feet don’t feel right. I think I’m wearing socks when I’m not. That scares me into thinking I’m going to have another déjà vu experience. Eventually my nose started dripping worse than my backyard faucet. That evening I’m taking a migraine pill.
One of the symptoms is loss of appetite. Not a “lost” appetite. A “loss” of appetite. When I do eat, I eat stuff I wouldn’t normally like. – “Kay, do we have any butter beans and green olives?” She accused me of being pregnant. I think she was joking. With brain fog, you can’t always tell.
I dealt with this for three days, and then the next morning, I felt normal. That afternoon all my symptoms were back and I had to add getting dizzy to the list. It’s the craziest sickness I’ve ever had.
The good news is that something from “Consumer Reports” popped up on my computer and it should help us all. The title of CR’s article reads “Brain Fog: what is it and how to clear it.” When CR delves into brain fog they’re going way beyond cars and vacuum cleaners. I thought maybe they were rating the symptoms of COVID. You know, comparing the effects of brain fog to that of a runny nose.
That’s not the case. CR discovered that there are six types of COVID-19. I’ve got parts of ‘em all, but I’m closest to one, three, and five. By the end of this week, I’ll likely catch some more.
But, let’s cut straight to the brain fog -- now referred to as “bf”. According to CR, bf is “characterized by one’s difficulty focusing, sluggish thinking, and memory lapse.” It adds that bf can be attributed to other things besides COVID: insomnia, depression, a bop on the head, drugs, stroke, neighbor’s cat…
“People (with bf) may report problems with multitasking, articulating words, or finding things around the house… -- “Finding things around the house!” Don’t get me started. Granted I’ve had those problems for most of my life. I can still remember when Dad said, “No, Mark, I didn’t hide an egg on top of the telephone pole. You’re 17 now, son. You should know that!”
But, now, my fog is much worse. I’ll be watching TV and Kay will say, “Mark if you turn the TV on, you’ll be able to see it better.” I’ll say, “You mean I’m not watching ‘Bonanza’?”
The CR researchers claim that COVID can cause inflammation of the brain that will damage some of the small blood vessels. If you can’t get enough blood in your noggin, you’re liable to forget which leg goes into your pants first.
No matter how bad your fog is, CR offers hints on how to handle it. 1) Stop drinking alcohol and don’t take medication that makes your brain foggy. – That’s ingenious! 2) Improve your sleep by using good sleep “hygiene”. -- Oooookay. – In other words, don’t stay up late, turn off the TV an hour before bedtime, and sleep in a dark room that’s cool. (Something people in third-world countries have worried about forever? –Another symptom of COVID can be depression. 3) Since you can’t trust your brain, start making lists. -- Great. Now you’ve got to find something to write with. 4) Exercise, but not alone. – I suppose that’s because you might run into something, or try to lift the TV.
There are a couple more, but they’re stupid. Perhaps some of these will help, when and if you get COVID. My hope is that if Kay gets this stuff, I’ll be as patient with her as she’s been with me. If I was her, I would’ve made a tent out of a bed sheet and stuck me in the backyard. I’m not saying it didn’t cross her mind, though. -- I’m telling you, this is one weird virus.
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