Hayter article for September 11, 2022
The Demise of the Scream and other stuff
I don’t talk to nearly enough people anymore. I listen a lot, but often have trouble finding an appropriate moment to put in my two cents, which is sad, because my two cents is valuable, you ask me. But the person speaking seldom asks me anything.
On the other hand, I’ve got family and friends who are repelled by conversation. Most responses are one to three-word replies. “Yes” -- “No” – “Whatever” “I don’t know.” Comments like that leave an awkward moment of silence. Apparently, awkward only for me. Filling awkward silence is tough. I too often end up saying something like, “So, how are your socks feeling?”
And, that, my friend, is why I enjoy writing. This column has become quite therapeutic for me. Since I write in first-person, I can pretend that you are not only listening, but you’re paying attention. – Beg pardon? Ah, you turned me off after the second sentence. You remind me of me.
After establishing the writer/reader relationship I can now introduce a topic that will end up with me meandering all over the place. Or I can go with multiple topics that only appear to be going all over the place. I think I’ll do that last one.
First off, I’d like to talk about screaming. I was thinking about it earlier today. I have noticed that there is not nearly as much screaming in movies as there used to be. I was watching a detective show. There are lots of ‘em. Anyway, a cleaning lady opened the door to a hotel room, and immediately, discovered a bloodied body lying on the carpet. She grimaced and then turned her face away, but didn’t scream. I was so proud of that woman. And the screenwriter.
Used to be, if a lady saw something bad, she’d scream. Only the women screamed when they saw something. Men only screamed when they were being tortured. That’s because men wrote most of the screenplays.
I don’t recall ever screaming at the sight of something. As a kid, my crying could become scary. If Dad was giving the spanking my crying was almost indistinguishable from a scream. If Mom was whipping me with one of her thin, wide, plastic belts, I just pretended to cry, It was my way of saying, “I’m sorry, Mom. You need to stop now before you wear yourself out.”
Up to now, I’ve never been hurt badly enough or so scared that I screamed. (knock wood) I’ve mentioned more than once that Kay can’t scream. I’ve given her no cause to, but she has hurt herself on occasion that would make a screamer scream, but she wouldn’t do it… or couldn’t do it. We dated for over two years and have been married for a little over 50, and I have never heard Kay scream or even raise her voice. She could almost say that about me. I’ve never raised my voice to her, but she has heard me raise my voice over something. Generally something I’m working on. I once threw one of those oil-filter wrenches across the yard.
My sister Jill? That girl is a screamer and a half, yet, her favorite movie genre is “horror”. When we were kids, Jill would be exiting the bathroom or her bedroom and Dennis would be waiting there with his hands raised against the door. He was a patient kid, my big brother. Well, the nano-second after Jill opened the door there would be a scream heard three houses down on both sides of the street. Odd, but Dennis never did that while Daddy was home.
Speaking of detective shows, there are a bunch of them out there. I like detective movies but I am not a fan of detective series; the type where a murder occurs in episode one, yet they don’t find the killer until the end of episode nine.
I don’t like to get dragged around for nine hours. I don’t mind nine separate cases with one case solved each hour. But one solved over multiple hours is akin to a nine-hour movie. That’s a waste of my time.
Let’s move along. Since the advent of cable TV, I hadn’t seen a commercial, until lately. Now they’re popping up on Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu, and even YouTube! YouTube will stop a video segment right in the middle of something and add commercials. They’ll stop doing that for a price. Do you know how many commercials pop up during “The 100 greatest plays in football history”? Barry Sanders is running toward three defensive linemen, and before he can juke them, there’s a commercial for Progressive Insurance.
Have you noticed how insurance companies have pretty much given up on explaining the value of their policies? Progressive shows Flo sitting around a group of people when up walks Jon Hamm who has a crush on her. They’re apparently trying to sell a name instead of their product. I assume their product stinks on ice. What else am I to assume? So, they can offer motorcycle and auto insurance in one package. What’s so great about their insurance? The fact that Flo and Jon Hamm are touting it?
Then you’ve got the lizard insurance. The thing is cute and intelligent, yet, I don’t know why their policies are better than most. Do advertisers have no respect for us? I’m asking. Do advertisers— Oh, forget it.
I guess I’ve meandered enough. Right now, I would like to thank all three of you for hanging in there with me. I’m feeling so much better than when I started this thing. So much so, that I’m going to leave you with a heartwarming thought. Ready? – “The happiest creature on the planet is a goldfish, because it has only a 10-second memory.” Ponder that for 10 seconds and then get back to me.
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