Nov 17 Fact and Fiction

 

Hayter for Nov 17, 2024

A Smorgasbord of Fact and Fiction

          I don’t know if you’re aware, but 60 percent of your DNA is the same as that of a banana. That may answer the question about the size of your nose. I was the only one in my family with a rather large proboscis. Perhaps I got it from my Grandpa Teegarden. His nose was longer than mine, but I sure beat him on the width.

          Speaking of one’s nose, this week’s article was originally geared to the birth of mankind. At least it was until I sat down at my computer and looked for my notes. They had disappeared. I imagine Kay trashed them, thinking the topic would invite controversy. As if I were that witless

Worry not. My memory of the notes may return, just not now. It will likely take an out-of-body experience. The last one of those I had, I saw a dog chewing on our water hose inside our fenced-in backyard. And we don’t have a dog!

And as mentioned, I don’t have my notes. No worries. I’ll re-research the facts of my “lost findings” -- (oxymoron) – and hopefully apply them to next week’s article. Today, I’ll do something totally different and share it with you after answering my phone. Excuse me. – “Yo? You don’t say? Well, I’ll share that info with my people. Goodbye.”   

Okay, quiet down, everyone. This news just in. “Hormel produced their first batch of Spam in 1937. Due to a recent demand, they have announced that they will soon be producing a second batch.”

I’m sure that was no surprise to many of you, but I added the information as a way of preparing you for what is to come. Let’s call this “Strange information from my old notes.” Some of this is true. The Spam thing? Not so much.

This information is news to me. “The speed of one’s mind travels 268 mph, while bad news’ travels 1 mph.” That’s crazy. My bad news hits me quicker than a lightning bolt. And the jolt will stay with me for months.

Next: “There are more life forms on and in your body than there are on the entire earth.” I imagine the scientist in charge was referring to the comparison between the number of humans on earth compared to the microbes on one human’s body. On and in your body, there are billions of microbes. Someone in a lab at A&M counted. Probably.

“Social Scientists are trying to determine why we have 20 times more plastic lids than containers to put them on.” I could’ve told them that myself. I’ve got stacks of lids in my cabinet that are begging to be put onto something other than a stack of lids.

“Three hundred million people in the world are color blind.” -- Okay, let’s see? Three hundred million out of eight billion people. That means 0.04 percent of the people on earth are color blind. Either that or my math stinks on ice. Speaking of which, Brad Meyer is color blind. When we play racquetball, he refuses to play with my red balls. I thought it was a childhood thing. I had no idea the goober was color-blind, until two weeks ago. I guess red, is to him, similar to the color of the wall. All the while I’ve been making fun of Brad’s selection of odd colored T-shirts.  

Here is something that will answer the question of why the gravity on Mars is less than on Earth. In my notes, I jotted down these words, “Massive objects that block the sun, not only increase the force of gravity, but cause a curve in space and time.” So, were I to land on Mars I would readily know that my feet were lighter than usual… after which I would die due to inhaling the atmosphere of Mars.

“Every 18 months human intelligence doubles.” It’s sure not doing that to me. While I know how to drive a car, I have no understanding of how anything under the hood works, or any self-powered object inside the car works. I would say, for the past eight years my brain has forgotten more in a year than it did when I was six. Though I didn’t know how to calculate that, it just sounded right.

Now for a bit of knowledge that could save a few of you men. Ready? – “Ostriches kick forward.” -- You might get away with patting one on the rump, but stay away from its frontal parts… whatever they are. The animal is not waiting to lick your hand. It’s wanting to kick your privates. If I save even one of you men, I will consider it worthwhile. And, please give me credit when it doesn’t happen to you.

Of course, let’s keep in mind that God could decide to end us tomorrow. I’m not really looking for it. Who is? By the way, a preacher the name of Kentron Beshore predicted the world to end sometime between 2018 and 2028. Today that would read “2024 to 2028.”  With that being said, let me look for something uplifting. 

Okay, did I mention the ostrich? – Right. Then let’s see something else. – Okay this one can be said, but I actually laughed when I read it. It’s another quote by Will Rogers. He told an audience that when he died, “he would like to go out like his Grandpa, in his sleep… not like the five people screaming in his car.” 

Rogers was quite the statesman. Unfortunately, his state was Oklahoma… just like my Grandpa Hayter.  – Next time. 

end  

hayter.mark@gmail.com