Hayter for April 27, 2025
“Neighborhood
meeting”
Everyone calm down! You too, Wanda! It is past time to start our every other monthly meeting of the subdivision residents. -- What? No, Phyllis. It’s not called Semi-monthly. ‘Semi’ means half, as in, half of a month. And yes, I looked that up this morning in anticipation of you wanting to correct me.
Right now, I need to tell you that Liz is out of town for a couple of weeks, so Kay volunteered me to take her place. – Beg pardon? Ah, Kay is in her study reading. She is into a romantic novel and feels the need to finish it… What? Yes, I’m really ticked off.
Each of you will get a chance to ask pertinent questions, but first, we’re going to look at what Liz wants covered. – Yes Wanda? No, there are no cans of Dr Pepper in the ice chest that are artificially sweetened. Why not? No big reason, I just don’t buy artificially sweetened anything.
The first comment by Liz was--here let me read it to you. “Our Easter gathering at the park last week was terrible!?” I don’t know which one of you she is blaming for this. If memory serves me right (which it seldom does) part of the way through the scattering of the plastic eggs, it started raining. So you may want to iron that dilemma out with Liv at the next meeting. I’ll make a note of it. -- “God let it rain on Easter.” I’m sure she can wiggle her way out of that.
Which reminds me. I’m a bit surprised that none of your husbands showed up for this meeting. What’s that all about? – Yes, Cheryl? -- Do you mean that men never attend the subdivision’s meetings? This begs the question, what am I doing here? This may be my first meeting, but Kay always tells me the important stuff.
Let’s get past that and look at one of Liz’s real questions. She says that we have a major problem with cars being parked anywhere there’s a curb. She wants it stopped. Which one of you would like to jump into that cauldron? – Julia? Ah, haul off cars that are parked on the streets. Interesting. Oh, and force the owner to pay when he goes to reclaim his car. – Ladies, please, hold it down. -- Each gripe that I managed to understand almost made sense.
But let me say this about that. Every driveway in this neighborhood has room for two automobiles or one big truck. If visitors show up, where are they going to park? If you tried to have a family gathering at your house, you’d have cars parked all around this cul de sac. The only good thing I can see from that is that your husbands might start coming to the meetings.
Wait! While we’re on the subject of vehicles, I need to mention my next-door neighbor. I’ll call him, Pete… because that’s his name. The man has a massive motorcycle, the handles of which stick up four feet above the seat. I don’t hold that against him. It just goes against everything sane. What does is the fact that either early morning or late night he’s revving that machine up. Perhaps he is searching for just the right sound. I would like to ask the police to handle it, but the men in blue, tend to tell the person living in the house, which neighbor it was who called them. It happened to me just once. I foolishly stood on my porch when the police showed up. At one point, the police officer pointed at me. That was at the house where we lived before moving here. So, I shall make a note to let Liv know about you ladies putting fear into the deafened motorcycle man.
Okay, the rest of Liv’s questions are dumb, so it’s time for one of you to voice a gripe or an idea. Hey, one at a time. Okay, uh—I don’t know your name, which is odd because I seldom call on people I don’t know. Unless I’m at the Dollar Store. So, you are?... That sounds Polish. Oops, sorry. It’s French? Interesting. I don’t see that many Polish women with French names. But go ahead. What’s on your mind?
I see. Well, that is a problem. Does anyone in here know who might be willing to mow and weed Ms. Flomshurman’s yard? Anyone? Yes? Well, that would work. Ms. Floman, would you have a problem paying someone to take care of your yard?... No, I really don’t know what they charge. I’ve been weed eating my neighbor’s yard for free. And, I’ve got to tell you, I’m tired of doing it. And, no Ms Flo, I’m not up to doing yours. So, after this meeting, why don’t one of you ladies ask your husband to take care of that problem. So that takes care of that problem.
Who’s next. Felica? So, what’s troubling you… The Fourth of July? That’s a good two months from now. I assure you that I will not be in charge of neighborhood meetings ever again. Let’s see. Your next meeting will be July first, so you might want to have a special meeting in early June.
So, if that’s all… What’d you say? For Heaven’s sake, no! Liv would be the one to call a special meeting to handle the Fourth of July plans. No, I don’t care what you offer me. I don’t like doing this… Beg your pardon? Really? Hey, I’m not that good. But y’all would seriously do that for me?... If I continue to lead these meetings you would put a stop to my neighbor’s motorcycle issue? – Now, you’re speaking my language. But, I’ll have to clear it with Kay first…
By the way, if I take the job, our meeting in mid-June will be at Wanda’s house. Wanda, you’ll be in charge of the cold drinks.
end
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