“I’m Finally Getting My Head Examined”
Kay refused to take a picture of my wired skull. Who could blame her?
There comes a time in everyone’s life when you find yourself getting dumber. You may not notice it until you find your lost wallet in the bathroom sink. That hasn’t happened yet, but I will remember to check in the bathroom the next time some object hides from me.
I started having a few forgetful spells about five years ago during the COVID outbreak. I believe I’ve previously mentioned that I got COVID three different times. After I recovered from my third case, I had to relearn how to use my TV remote. I caught on in a matter of days. The biggest thing I learned during my sickness was that wearing a medical mask didn’t work for me, nor did it for Kay. She had COVID twice. In fact, she’s the one responsible for my third case of the disease.
Fortunately, my brain is better than it was immediately after the COVID-19 outbreak. However, I forgot the names of actors, movies, and people at church. Kay recently hauled my buns to a neurologist who drained me of four vials of blood. She also insisted that I have a couple of brain tests.
At the moment, I’m waiting for the results of my MRI. – If I may insult your intelligence, an MRI involves being fed into a narrow tunnel for the purpose of some imaging. While half of my body was inside the tube, only my head was being imaged. The noise level was set to penetrate my left eardrum—loud beeps, whistles, and the sound of metal striking concrete. As soon as I was dragged out of the contraption, I began to repeatedly sing one word of the Hallelujah Chorus.
The day after, I was introduced to a process known as an EEG. Before entering the facility one of the nurses asked if it was okay for a couple of college students to watch the procedure. After assuring me that my clothing would not be removed, I told her that the gentleman and young lady would be welcome.
The procedure itself was used to pick up anything odd in my brain waves. The procedure called for the gluing of a few dozen diodes atop my head. It took two imaging specialists, both young ladies, to put several dozen globs of glue atop my skull. While it was meant for my skull, much of it ended up in my hair.
With glue positioned along the lines that were drawn all over my head, the billion or so diodes were set in the glue. After a wire was connected to each diode, each one was joined to a device that I never got to see. Fortunately, there was no mirror in the room, or I might’ve had the two college kids leave. My job was to remain perfectly still and register a look of calmness on my face. No telling how many times I had to be reminded of that.
After propping my head onto a solid object, with the consistency of an enlarged coconut, a switch was flipped. While perfectly still, I had to answer a plethora of questions. I missed the first one. “What’s the name of this hospital?” I said, “Herman Methodist.” Several minutes later, she asked me again. This time I said Memorial Herman, which I thought was what I said the first time. That can’t be a good sign.
I was good with math questions. The first one was “What is five plus four minus three?” I immediately said, “Six.” I can add and subtract well, and I’m good with dividing and multiplying. However, in high school Geometry and Trigonometry ate my lunch. You may remember me telling you about getting an “A” in college Trig. It’s all about the teacher.
After the questions ended, the diodes and glue were quickly removed. I have no idea how they were able to get my hair unglued. The results will be sent online probably tomorrow. I would probably get them before my next visit with the neurologist. Incidentally, she also has a great sense of humor. I have been so blessed with great doctors, nurses, and staff. I never caught on to the titles of the staff. That’s likely due to my brain issue. Speaking of which, excuse me. -- I’ll be back in a bit.
You’re not going to believe this, nor likely care, but my test results came in while I was writing this thing. I kid you not. – So, I shall now reveal the results of both tests, as explained by Kay: The only brain issue that was recognized came from the MRI. It mentioned a few small blood vessels in my brain that are not getting enough oxygen. There were no issues with the EEG results. Except for the blood vessels found by the MRI, everything else was normal for a young man my age. More accurately, for a 75-year-old guy.
My neurologist will go all over this with me during my soon-to-be appointment. Who knows, perhaps I’ll get a diet that will increase the blood flow in my brain. In time, I may remember some forgotten names of people. And who knows, perhaps each time I find myself standing in the middle of a room, I’ll be able to recall why I’m there. – Small steps.
End
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