Hayter for June 8, 2025
“Someone has a hand in my mouth!”
I don’t care to share this with just anyone, but I’ve got good-looking teeth. Dr. English, my dentist, tells me that after each of my teeth cleaning visits. He doesn’t include the word “looking” after “good”, and I always forget to remind him of that.
The normal-toothed person would be fine with having good teeth. As long as it doesn’t hurt when you chew, you’re good. It doesn’t matter how badly positioned they may be in your mouth, they still work. You just need to keep your mouth shut.
The issue with me is that my teeth don’t show unless I part my lips. Part them a lot. That would make people think I was doing my Clown Class exercises. I’m toothless in all of my photos. No wonder I never got roles in a major movie. -- “Hayter, anybody can act, but if the audience can’t see your teeth they’re left to imagine.”
I would need to have my lips trimmed to solve that problem. In which case, the director would say, “Cut! That was a good take, but next time, Hayter, try to close your lips!”
Beg your pardon? -- Oh, I went to the dentist at eight this morning. It’s the earliest I’ve ever let anyone mess with my teeth. I made the appointment early because today is the day I have to turn in my article, the problem being that I still don’t have a topic. I’ve got a list of topics somewhere, but I’m tired of going through them. You might enjoy one or two, but I’m not in the mood for any of them.
Do you have any ideas? Kay, bless her heart, sometimes does, but her topics always involve a boatload of research. Did you notice how I threw in “bless her heart” in the comment? During my appointment with the dentist, I kept trying to come up with ideas. I was going to ask Janet, the dental assistant, but she had my mouth wedged open most of the time. I may not be the sharpest Q-Tip in the cabinet but I know better than to try to talk when a pointed metal spear is chipping away at my teeth.
During a quick tool swap, I told Janet that I was hoping to live long enough for someone to invent a rubber-tipped toothscrapper. We were both of the opinion that A.I. could come up with anything. Artificial Intelligence would be handling all dental visits, writers would be unnecessary, as would real-life actors and reporters, and grocery baggers. The only people with jobs would live in India.
As soon as my teeth were spotless, Dr. English came in to look things over, and eventually told me that my teeth looked “good”. If only he knew the trouble I go through to keep my ivories looking good… I mean good-looking. Hey, besides brushing every night, I floss my teeth on occasion. I don’t enjoy making a job harder than it needs to be.
I can’t remember all of what Dr. English has done to my teeth. I can only imagine how many mouths that man has worked on. One thing I do know is that each time he sees me, he asks what I’ve been doing. I never have much to say, so I immediately ask him if he’s made any trips lately. He and his wife take a lot of trips. This time he told me that they were in Branson four weeks ago. That blew me away. Kay and I were in Branson at that time. I don’t know how we never ran into one another. – By the way, each day, there are thousands of people wandering around Branson. I’ve seen them! Some of them are still there. Everyone went unrecognized by me.
Before I left his office, Janet recommended I get a fluoride treatment. I never had one nor cared for one, but I got it this time. Before brushing the stuff on my teeth, she told me that I couldn’t drink anything hot for six hours. I already felt committed, so I passed up my morning coffee for the treatment. Right now, my teeth feel great, but I’ve still got a couple of hours before I can have my coffee.
When I was in the front office with
my credit card, I had time to talk to Stacey and Linda, the ladies in charge of
all the office work. I was impressed that they took a few moments to chat. I’ve known Stacey for decades. One or both
of her kids were in my class or she worked at school with me. I’m embarrassed that I don’t remember for
sure.
I got around to mentioning that I have trouble with my brain. They were both too kind in that they tried to make me think that they were better at forgetting than me… or I.. -- Let’s see: “Than me am a forgetter.” vs “Than I am a forgetter.” – I’m going with “I” See? I’ve still got some of it.
Anyway, I’m still trying to come up with an article topic. I’ve got over an hour left before I’m supposed to drink some hot coffee. I can drink cold coffee in the late evening, but not morning. That being said, I’m going to break Stacey’s advice and drink coffee after four and a half hours. I’ll be back as soon as my Keurig has done its job
If I don’t make it back in time to write an article, I apologize and I’ll do better next week. So til’ then…
End
No comments:
Post a Comment