August Birthdays for Aug 3, 2025

Hayter for August 3, 2025

Forty-seven percent of all Birthdays are in August. Probably. 

Mark and Kay, a few months before they got married

            Kay’s birthday is three days from now. I would’ve gotten her a gift were I any good at it.  I’m not good with women's gifts. – Watermelon? Kay realizes that I’m good at picking that out.  

            My dad was actually worse than I am at selecting gifts for his wife, Elsie. That’d be my mom. I was bad at getting her gifts, too. I got things I thought she might need. Things she already had. I never did that with Kay. – “Whoa, this package feels like something important,” she might say. “Yes, it’s a new mixer, darling.”

My choices for Kay are clothes, jewelry, or a purse. Over the past 53 years of our marriage, the styles of women’s clothing have gone all over the place. It wasn’t long in our marriage that I told her I was not wise enough to know what women want. She immediately asked how many women I intended to buy for.

Kay borrowed her quick wit from her husband. I’ve mentioned before how we eventually agreed to pick out and buy our own gifts. It may sound crass, but it’s saved a marriage. The gifts we buy ourselves  don’t even have to be tied to a holiday or any other occasion. 

The process involves a lot of trust. The only time we need one another’s blessing is when we’re about to buy something expensive. While we do trust one another, we’re not idiots. I recently turned over the job of balancing the checkbook to her. For some reason, being in charge of the checkbook can really sober a spouse up.

Before we married, the first gift I ever got her was a football jersey with a big 89 on the front. My number in high school was 11, but I wanted Kay to be a defensive end, not a defensive safety. 

The girl could not catch a football or baseball without a basket. And she threw just like a girl, even when she was the age of a woman. I thought it would take her a while to catch on. Unlike my mother, Kay never screamed as the ball approached. The only time I heard the girl scream was when a couple of dogs in our neighborhood were trying to catch a small deer. I would not want that woman after me.

Kay quit playing all sports with the family as soon as she figured she had already won me over. I’m assuming her logic was that “If the guy will divorce me for not playing sports, he’s not worth having.” 

While playing football, if anyone had tackled her, she would’ve left me. I figured that out quite soon. During one of the early football games, my big brother, Larry, tossed the football to Kay, who was wide open. Nobody felt the need to guard Kay. Unfortunately, Larry didn’t consider tossing her a slow lob. That football hit her right in the face. It hurt, but she didn’t cry. She just quit. I still blame Larry for ruining Kay’s marginal interest in sports.

To this day, the only gift Kay could give me is taking our 2002 Highlander in for an oil change and inspection. If you ask me, a guy my age shouldn’t have to get his car inspected. I thought they quit inspections in Texas. Of course, they didn’t in Montgomery County and several others. Our State Legislature is still spending time trying to gerrymander five Democratic districts. But they still want to give me a ticket if my car isn’t inspected. – Okay, I’m through with that. 

            As mentioned, Kay’s birthday is in three days. It’s on the same day I have an appointment with my brain doctor. Kay has to accompany me to the doctors, because I can’t remember squat about what they tell me. I don’t care that my hip bone is connected to my thigh bone, and that’s an example of my real problem. I have trouble remembering lyrics to a few songs and the person who sang them.

            That’s one of the reasons I have to see my brain Doctor, Swaroopa Pulivarthi. She is an exceptionally nice lady with a great sense of humor. --  Spellcheck just informed me that I misspelled her last name. I would’ve thought I messed up the “Swaroopa” part, but I got that right, too. – My Spellcheck doesn’t take into consideration names that come from Asia.

            Surely, I’ve mentioned it before (and no, I didn’t call you Shirley),  but I had three bouts of COVID. I have forgotten quite a bit since then. Mostly people’s names and song lyrics. My brothers always felt the need to tell me to quit singing. Singing was the only talent of mine that they were jealous of. After I married Kay, she took over telling me what not to do. We have no children, so Kay occasionally treats me like one. I am so tolerant it’s scary.

Anyway, Dr. Swaroopa will explain the results of my brain tests. The people who tested me wrote that I did okay. After my doctor gives me good news about the mental improvements, I’m taking Kay to, uh…Babin’s! I think that’s what she recommended.

            When she takes me out to eat for my birthday, Culver's sounds good to me, but Kay will want to go someplace deserving of her husband. That girl. –  If only she had learned to catch with her hands instead of her face. 

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