Foreign movie fan

“Big on Subtitles”

Last night I watched a four-episode Russian drama series about an incident in WWII. I never intended to watch the entire series; I just got caught up in it. Which is strange, because I don’t even know Russian. Not sure I even know a Russian.

The movie was subtitled, not dubbed. The Chinese always dub their movies for Americans. I would actually rather hear the real actor’s voice say words I don’t understand, than to have someone else read the script in English. 

I think it was Japanese actor Haruo Nakajima (he played the giant bird Rodan in the movie “Rodan”) who said, “An actor is only as good as the person who speaks for him.” I thought it an astute observation from someone who had no lines in “Rodan.” Makes one wonder if Nakajima actually authored that saying, or someone just made it up for him.

But, let’s get past the Japanese and the Chinese for awhile and return to Russia. The first Russian movie I ever saw was a war movie set in the Middle Ages. Must’ve been Cossacks fighting the Eastern Slavs. Those people never could get along. The movie was made when Russia was still a communist country. The CCCP, or as we called it, the “USSR.” The Russians changed their alphabet so they’d be hard to understand. 

The movie was dubbed, and the quality was laughable… except for the fighting scenes. They must’ve recruited stuntmen from the Siberian gulags. In one scene they had thousands of soldiers on the prairie somewhere. The general wanted to know where the enemy was, so he pointed to a spot and said, “Mountain!” Instantly, soldiers drop their spears and ran to the place where the general pointed. They jumped on the ground and formed a mountain of men. The general then rode his horse to the top of the men, so he can get a better view of what was ahead.

Do you have any idea how hard it would be to fight for a leader who wouldn’t even go to the trouble of dismounting before walking over up your back? I don’t know the name of the movie, or where I was, or when it was that I saw it. I don’t know the name of the actors, or the people represented in the storyline. But, I doubt I’ll ever forget that scene.

I like to think that the scene was in some way fabricated. I would also like to think that no horses were killed in the shooting of the battles, however, I tend to believe they lost at least one out of every three.  

That Russian movie was memorable because of its battle scenes. The Russian series I watched last night was memorable because of the acting, the storyline and the characters. The series was called “The Dawns Here are Quiet.” The literal translation is “Quiet here Dawns they be.” The Russian language is somewhat like “Yoda-speak.”  In fact, most non-English languages are. From what I can gather, Yoda-speak is a literal translation of Spanish to English. Don’t quote me on that. I mean, “Quote me not that on.” 

In the “Dawns” movie, I knew the actors to be good, because the movie was subtitled. I had to read the whole thing. I was able to follow it because the Russians don’t talk all that fast. They use so few vowels, that they have to stop and think about pronunciation. 

One of about eight things that are beginning to worry me, about me, is the fact that I’ve started watching more and more foreign movies with subtitles. French is the best. Listening to Celine Dion sing in French is captivating. I think she’s even pretty good singing in English.

After bragging about sub-titles, I’ve got to tell you that a few actors are better when someone else speaks for them. Take me for example. A few of the B movies I was in were marketed in some East European countries. They seem to like American Westerns. In a majority of the Westerns, I played characters that were mentally challenged. Turns out, I’m a much better actor when speaking Romanian. There is apparently a Romanian dubber who sounds crazier than I do. I’m tempted to visit Eastern Europe, but I’d hate to disappoint my fan base. 

Oh, and “The Dawns here are Quiet” series? That thing ended at 2:30 in the a.m. I really wanted to tell Kay about it, but figured I’d wait till later in the morning when she was somewhat lucid. Kay may seem sweet, but I’ve got to tell you, when that girl is startled awake, she’s all elbows and feet… which I think is a line from one of Garth Brooks’ songs. When translated into Russian, the last few lyrics come out “feet, elbows be she all.”

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Mark can be contacted at hayter.mark@gmail.com.