Unicorn dog

“Not cute”

MARK: Okay, let’s stop the horseplay! Everybody find a seat. It’s past time to call to order the meeting of IFMAC -- Ideas From Mark’s Article Committee. I move we suspend reading the minutes of our last meeting since there’s no chance in purgatory that the Secretary took any notes.

BARRY: I second it!

MARK: Thank you, Secretary Barry. All in favor say “Aye!” The aye’s have it. The floor is open to article ideas.

JACK: Who’s she?

MARK: She? Oh, sorry. This is Wanda. She’s the first one to ever ask to be on the committee so I invited her. Say hello, Wanda.

WANDA: I can’t tell you what an honor it is for me to—

MARK: You had us at “Hello”, Wanda.   So, any article ideas floating around out there?

CHARI: Did you hear about the asteroid that’s supposed to pass by Earth on Halloween night? Its shaped like a skull. People are calling it the “Death Comet.” You could tell readers that it might hit us and either kill us or turn half of us into zombies.

MARK: Yes, I did read about that. The asteroid is about 2000 feet in diameter, and the last time it passed by, which was back in 2015, it came within 300,000 miles of us. The nearest to us it will get this time is on November 11, when it will pass within 25 million miles of Earth. So, at its next pass in 2021, it might hit Earth or Neptune. Regardless, it will involve zombies.

MILDRED: Well now, Mark, when I was walking up to your house, I did see the cutest little dog in a costume. A young man was taking it for a walk. Both of them were so nice.

WANDA: I saw that! It was a black pug dressed up like a unicorn. Weirdest thing. Want me to go get a picture?

MARK: Not necessary. Michael sent me one. That’d be Michael, my neighbor, walking Molly. And, yes, Molly is one of those flat-faced pugs. They bred it so it would snore. Its nose is flat against its face. The dog had the cuteness bred right out of it.

BARRY: Cone on. It had to be cute if it was wearing a unicorn costume.

MARK: No it doesn’t, Barry. You’d have to put a Labrador puppy mask on that dog to make it look cute. By the way, Michael dresses Molly up like a unicorn because the outfit calms her down.

BARRY: How do you explain that? 

MARK: How do I explain a unicorn outfit having a calming effect on a pug? That’s only the second time I’ve ever been asked that question. Well, I imagine it’s because Molly mistakenly thinks the horn draws attention away from its smashed nose. –  Flo, wake up and join us! Give me something. Anything.

FLO: Has anyone mentioned the unicorn in your yard?

MARK: Give me my gavel? Who took my gavel?

CHARI: Mark, I read about that event called “Hope for the Holidays” that Dori Barber and you will be involved in this December 15 at College Park High School. Let’s see, it’s a benefit for a Teen Suicide prevention organization in Montgomery County called “Cassidy Joined For Hope.” – Did I do good?

MARK: Perfect, Chari. You have a gift. Yes, I’ll write about “Hope for the Holidays” later down the line as the date approaches. Thanks for suggesting it. You read the plug perfectly. -- What else?

MILDRED: What’s that wonderful aroma coming from your kitchen? You need to do a cooking article.

MARK: You’re too sweet, Mildred. That smell is from a soup I invented today. I wanted to make Minestrone soup, but I didn’t have enough ingredients, so I improvised. Threw in a little bit of everything including some leftover roast beef and spaghetti sauce. I should’ve made notes, because I couldn’t duplicate that concoction if I wanted to.

It’s pretty good, though. I’ve got a bunch left over. Kay said it was okay, but she doesn’t want to ever eat any more of it. She thinks soup should only be eaten in the winter. And it should also be prepared with recognizable ingredients. The woman has no vision. So, you’re all welcome to try my minestrone hybrid.

BARRY: That’s just ducky. Did you make any dessert? I feel like pie.

JACK: Yeah, you do look a little like a rhubarb.

MILDRED: Jack, behave. 

WANDA: Well that sounds good. Why don’t we skip the soup and have some pie and coffee. After that we can go outside and play with the little unicorn dog. She is so cute.

BARRY: I’ll take my pie to go.

FLO: Mark, there’s a big comet somewhere that looks like the skull. Maybe you could write about it.

MARK: I move we adjourn. No need of a second. Somebody needs to take Flo with ‘em.  By the way, there is no pie. Soup! Soup I’ve got lots of soup.   

   

End

You can contact Mark at  hayter.mark@gmail.com.