The art of Conversation

 

Hayter for July 23, 2023

“On Getting Someone to talk”

I like people. Can’t help it. I don’t care if I know ‘em or not, I think they’re swell… up until the point I can’t tolerate being around them. That’s probably true for most of us.

 

I enjoy conversing with those who don’t mind talking. I am as good a listener as you’re going to find, and I will talk when given an opening. My close friends enjoy my listening so much more than my speaking.

 

Some of my friends will only speak when pressured to do so. Perhaps they’re depressed and, though they have experienced talking, they no longer care to. Many of us have been there. A horrible sickness, depression.  Some don’t want to talk to you because they don’t like you. I consider that childish. And, yes, I do that at times myself. Fortunately, I can’t think of anyone at the moment.

 

Occasionally, I’ll be standing in a lobby with someone I know, and after we exchange our hellos, we’re both at a loss. That’s one of the reason I started searching for ways to kill an awkward silence. I discovered that the best thing to do is ask the person something about themselves. Never ask a question that can be answered with “Yes” or “No”. If your question is too weird, you’ll get an “I don’t know.” What do you do with something like that? If you get three I-don’t-knows in a row, you’re pretty much getting a signal to leave.

 

Here is a more feasible way to start up a conversation:

 

First: “Boy, Fred, it is so hot out there. I feel like I’ve been roofing houses.  Horrible job!  –  Speaking of which, what’s the worst job you’ve ever had?” -- Any answer he comes up with, will lead you to another question. --“How did you get the job? – Where did you work? – What did you usually bring for lunch? – What are some of the songs you sung on the job?” The last two questions, though stupid, will let you know if the person you’re talking to has a sense of humor.   

 

Next: “Fred, I saw ‘A Few Good Men’ for the fourth time last night. That Jack Nicolson was great! – “Kaffee, I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know!” – That’s one of my favorite movies. What’s one of your favorite movies, Fred? Do you remember any lines from it?” – Next:

 

Next: “Fred, my wife is trying to understand why I always go to sleep with a sock on my right foot. I told her that it feels awkward when I don’t. – What kind of quirks do you have? I promise not to tell anyone.”

 

Next: “Fred, I was sitting around with my brothers last week and we got to talking about our childhood. Sometimes the kids in our neighborhood would campout in someone’s backyard and tell ghost stories and eat hotdogs. Stuff like that. I remember it rained once, and turned out to be the best night for a campout. Yeah, childhood was a wonderment. So, what are some of your childhood memories?

 

Last: “Fred, I really enjoyed teaching. Well, not so much the preparation and grading papers, but I did enjoy talking to the classes about historic events. Teaching government was the best, though. I think it’s important that citizens understand how a bill becomes a law, and how the responsibility of each branch of Government. -- Oh, well. what’s the best thing about you job? (If the person can’t come up with something, ask him for the least aggravating part of his job? “Lunch” or “clocking out” are cute, but not acceptable answers.

 

I feel it necessary at this point to say that I enjoy talking to women more than guys. I’ve got to drag information out of most men. And most topics they agree to share are way out of my league. Cars, golfing, fishing, baseball, soccer, hunting, patio construction… I could go on and on but you get the point. The guys I hang around with are apparently more manly than I. 

 

The good thing about talking to female friends, is that they seldom ask me anything. If I have a question, I must wait until the person takes a breath, at which time I will have forgotten the question. But I don’t mind. I’m not crazy about being in charge during most conversations.

 

I mostly enjoy the humorus comments that arise during my listening. It took me a long time before I realized that when my sister, Jill, was telling me something, she wasn’t doing it to seek my advice. She just needed someone to talk to, not with. I’ve definitely been there.

 

I was blessed with marring the first girl I found who was easy to talk with, and fun to listen to. I would’ve let Kay write today’s article, but she fears upsetting readers. I’ve been hammered by a few readers over the rears.

 

One thing I found that helps lessen criticism is to write about questions that no one has asked, and pray that readers will quit reading as soon as they get upset. – Begs the question, Is anyone still out there?  – Next time.   

end

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