Hayter article for December 29, 2019

“Looking Back… Way Back”

For this week’s article, I was tempted to come up with my predictions for 2020. That used to be a yearly thing for me… back in The Day. I don’t think anyone has been able to specifically nail down the date of “The Day.” It’s enough that we know that “The Day” is never “today.” 

I gave up with my predictions at least a couple of decades ago. The reason I quit had to do with, uh, what say I give you examples of a couple of predictions. -- In January 1983, I predicted that a family of  Mohicans would be found living in Maryland. The discovery would force libraries all across the country to change the title of James Fenimore Cooper’s classic novel to “The Next to the Last of the Mohicans.” -- I can hear the hecklers from here.

The year before I predicted that the Academy Award for Best Picture in 1982 would NOT have the word “Smokey” in its title. I nailed that one. “Chariots of Fire” won that year. “Smokey and the Bandit 2” didn’t even break into the top five.

That pretty much explains my decision to stop using my psyhic gift of soothsaying. I was convinced that my readership was tired of my ridiculous premonitions. It was Kay who convinced me of that. She’s a good convincer of stuff.

To be honest, the only predictions that interest me are those that involve science and technology. Unfortunately, those are the areas of which my psychic abilities failed me miserably. You see, I have no vision when it comes to possible advances in science and technology.

 Back in 1993, I was selected to participate in a program to determine the usefulness of a program that could gather information for you without the use of books or magazines.  The project turned out to be one of the precursors to the Internet. As I understand, it was an operation to link printed information from some of the Universities in Texas to personal computers. Seems like its acronym was TENET.

 The project involved hooking your telephone land-line to a site that had access to articles and findings from writings stored in University computers. By today’s standards, the computers were slow as all get out. They even seemed slow at the time the program began. Kay would come to my study to ask when I might be finished using the telephone.

And, as mentioned, it was only text. No graphics. The index was like one of those gigantic green volumes you used to see at the library. --  “Readers Guide to Periodical Literature” Way too much time to find what you’re looking for.

In fact, the project swallowed up so much of my lesson planning time that I considered it impractical. I saw no future in what was then “The Internet.” Well, over a few years, the project was refined to the point where  I can now speak to my computer or phone and ask it “How many miles of roads are in Brazil?” I’ll have my answer in a matter of seconds. Of course, the answer will be in kilometers. -- (By the way, I just asked my phone the question concerning Brazilian roads and was notified in about three seconds that there are 1,751,868 kilometers of roads in Brazil. Only 4.5 percent of them are paved.)

See? I had absolutely no vision concerning the possibility of my small portable phone ever being able to collect billions of signals from towers and satellites and magically compress the info into a few words. I don’t even think Captain Kirk could do that, and his character was alive in the year 2364. (My phone found that info in two seconds.) 

            Let’s get past Cap’n Kirk. When I first started teaching, I quickly learned that the most important person in school was the copy lady. I would type my tests out on stencils and put them in the copy lady’s box. She would attach the stencil to a drum, turn the handle and it would spread ink on the papers as they passed over the drum.

            I thought that by the time I retired, the mimeograph would still be in use. Let’s face it, NASA landed a man on the moon using a slide rule. When the Selectric Typewriter came out, life as I knew it changed drastically… but only for a little while. Next came a word processor program for our giant IBM computer. The thing was a bear. In fact, when someone stole it, I was halfway pleased. Then we got an Apple 2E. Then a Mackintosh with a MOUSE! We have been so blessed that our use of phones, computers and the like, are not dependent on our ability to understand how they work.

            Last week I asked a friend of mine how he had slept the previous night. He had mentioned that he was waking up several times each night, so I was curious as to whether or not he was doing any better. He told me that he wasn’t sure how well he had slept, because he forgot to wear his Fitbit to bed. He had to explain to me that he wears a Fitbit on his wrist that lets him know how many times he wakes up each night and how long it takes him to go back to sleep. Silly me, I never saw the possibility of such a device been invented during my lifetime.

            So, my reader friend, this article is my attempt at explaining why I gave up making predictions for each New Year. What I could do is give a summary at the end of each year explaining some of the sillier moments. I did that a few times. I may start again. Just not this year. Some years need to just rest awhile before being revisited.

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