Hayter for Aug 27, 2023
“The problem with mouth breathing”
I know it’s hard to see from where you’re sitting, but I’ve got a scab on each side of my bottom lip. I don’t think that’s ever happened to me. I didn’t get the sores while shaving around my lips. This was caused by me pulling tape off my mouth for the past three days.
In all likelihood, Kay and I will be removing tape from our mouths, every morning, for the rest of our unnatural lives. Yes siree, we put tape over our mouths before bedtime so we don’t breathe through our mouths. We wisely don’t stick just any kind of tape over our mouths, we apply doctors-approved “Hostage Tape”. That’s the brand name. I think the company that sells the stuff came up with the name just to get my attention. It worked.
Before you order the small strips of adhesive fabric, ask yourself – “Do I use a CPAP machine?” If you don’t, there’s no reason you’d need to put tape over your mouth. Some of you may not know what a CPAP machine is, simply because the acronym doesn’t have an “S” in it for “SLEEP”! The four letters stand for Continuous Positive Air Pressure. The first “P” was needed to indicate that the pressure was not negative.
Regardless, the machine itself helps certain people sleep. Kay and I are certain people. Without a CPAP machine, I wake up a couple hundred times a night. That’s what the sleeping clinic lady told me. One night I had close to 400 wires taped all over my body. Give or take. The dohicky on the end of each wire was recording the movement of everything in me that’s alive. At least one of the wires indicates when I’m awake.
Without me being hooked to a bunch of wires, no one could determine how many times I woke up. I only noticed about nine. But something in the wires must’ve been humming. The person who has learned to exhale exclusively through the nose needs no CPAP machine, and certainly no tape over your mouth.
The chief indicator that you’re not sleeping well is your snoring. I don’t know if you’re aware, but you can’t snore with your mouth shut. Try it.
A CPAP machine alone won’t stop a lot of
people from snoring. The doctor told me I needed a chin strap. I’ve had more
than a dozen chin straps during my CPAP life. Most of the straps helped. Unfortunately,
due to the tightness of the straps, I end up with red and blue indentions across
my face.
It’s not a big problem unless you’re going
to work or to church or giving a talk about CPAP machines to a group. No one
will hear anything you say, because they’re staring at your facial
stripes.
But, that’s no longer a worry of mine, because Kay and I now tape our mouths shut before going to sleep. What created our odd behavior was an ad I saw for “Hostage Tape”. It turns out that Hostage Tape is a cure for snoring and a reason not to have to wear a chinstrap with your CPAP machine. Once that strip of tape goes over your mouth, you can do nothing with your mouth but swallow. You can’t talk, because your mouth can’t open wide enough to let your tongue move. All you can say is “em”. So, without coming up with some kind of code, you and your spouse will not be communicating the entire night.
From the get-go, Hostage Tape worked like a dream. It will not allow me to inhale or exhale through my mouth. Each morning, two green lights appear on my CPAP machine, indicating that I slept like a taped rock.
On the third night, something
astonishing happened. With a taped mouth, Kay said, “Good night, darling.” I
couldn’t believe it, and I couldn’t ask her how she did it, because my mouth
was taped. So, that morning I waited for her to wake up so I could ask how she
got her tongue to move. My exact words
were, “Darling how did you learn to talk?” – She said, “I don’t know. I’ve been
doing it since I was a kid.”
I thought that to be the greatest comeback she ever came back with. I had one of the best laughs of our 52-year marriage. By the way, Kay doesn’t close her lips as tight as I do before sticking the tape over her mouth. That gives her more space for her tongue to form words. I do what the Hostage instructions say. I close my lips tight before putting on the tape. Apparently, I close my lips too tight. That’s why I’ve got sores on the edges of my bottom lip. Tonight, I’m going to apply some Neosporin to each of my mouth sores, so the tape won’t yank on them again.
Some of you are probably wondering if duct tape, masking tape, ankle-joint setting tape, gutter mending tape… would work as well as Hostage Tape. I don’t consider it wise to experiment. But I do consider it kind to inform someone with facial intentions to try some near-painless mouth tape. I wouldn’t mention the word “Hostage” though, until you’ve had time to explain.
End
MARK HAYTER 936-537-0918 hayter.mark@gmail.com
Hayter for Aug 27, 2023
“The problem with mouth breathing”
I know it’s hard to see from where you’re sitting, but I’ve got a scab on each side of my bottom lip. I don’t think that’s ever happened to me. I didn’t get the sores while shaving around my lips. This was caused by me pulling tape off my mouth for the past three days.
In all likelihood, Kay and I will be removing tape from our mouths, every morning, for the rest of our unnatural lives. Yes siree, we put tape over our mouths before bedtime so we don’t breathe through our mouths. We wisely don’t stick just any kind of tape over our mouths, we apply doctors-approved “Hostage Tape”. That’s the brand name. I think the company that sells the stuff came up with the name just to get my attention. It worked.
Before you order the small strips of adhesive fabric, ask yourself – “Do I use a CPAP machine?” If you don’t, there’s no reason you’d need to put tape over your mouth. Some of you may not know what a CPAP machine is, simply because the acronym doesn’t have an “S” in it for “SLEEP”! The four letters stand for Continuous Positive Air Pressure. The first “P” was needed to indicate that the pressure was not negative.
Regardless, the machine itself helps certain people sleep. Kay and I are certain people. Without a CPAP machine, I wake up a couple hundred times a night. That’s what the sleeping clinic lady told me. One night I had close to 400 wires taped all over my body. Give or take. The dohicky on the end of each wire was recording the movement of everything in me that’s alive. At least one of the wires indicates when I’m awake.
Without me being hooked to a bunch of wires, no one could determine how many times I woke up. I only noticed about nine. But something in the wires must’ve been humming. The person who has learned to exhale exclusively through the nose needs no CPAP machine, and certainly no tape over your mouth.
The chief indicator that you’re not sleeping well is your snoring. I don’t know if you’re aware, but you can’t snore with your mouth shut. Try it.
A CPAP machine alone won’t stop a lot of people from snoring. The doctor told me I needed a chin strap. I’ve had more than a dozen chin straps during my CPAP life. Most of the straps helped. Unfortunately, due to the tightness of the straps, I end up with red and blue indentions across my face.
It’s not a big problem unless you’re going
to work or to church or giving a talk about CPAP machines to a group. No one
will hear anything you say, because they’re staring at your facial
stripes.
But, that’s no longer a worry of mine, because Kay and I now tape our mouths shut before going to sleep. What created our odd behavior was an ad I saw for “Hostage Tape”. It turns out that Hostage Tape is a cure for snoring and a reason not to have to wear a chinstrap with your CPAP machine. Once that strip of tape goes over your mouth, you can do nothing with your mouth but swallow. You can’t talk, because your mouth can’t open wide enough to let your tongue move. All you can say is “em”. So, without coming up with some kind of code, you and your spouse will not be communicating the entire night.
From the get-go, Hostage Tape worked like a dream. It will not allow me to inhale or exhale through my mouth. Each morning, two green lights appear on my CPAP machine, indicating that I slept like a taped rock.
On the third night, something astonishing happened. With a taped mouth, Kay said, “Good night, darling.” I couldn’t believe it, and I couldn’t ask her how she did it, because my mouth was taped. So, that morning I waited for her to wake up so I could ask how she got her tongue to move. My exact words were, “Darling how did you learn to talk?” – She said, “I don’t know. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid.”
I thought that to be the greatest comeback she ever came back with. I had one of the best laughs of our 52-year marriage. By the way, Kay doesn’t close her lips as tight as I do before sticking the tape over her mouth. That gives her more space for her tongue to form words. I do what the Hostage instructions say. I close my lips tight before putting on the tape. Apparently, I close my lips too tight. That’s why I’ve got sores on the edges of my bottom lip. Tonight, I’m going to apply some Neosporin to each of my mouth sores, so the tape won’t yank on them again.
Some of you are probably wondering if duct tape, masking tape, ankle-joint setting tape, gutter mending tape… would work as well as Hostage Tape. I don’t consider it wise to experiment. But I do consider it kind to inform someone with facial indentions to try some near-painless mouth tape. I wouldn’t mention the word “Hostage” though, until you’ve had time to explain.
End
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