Interview with kid sister

 

Hayter for November 12, 2023

“Today’s guest – Jill”

You’ll be glad you showed up today, because I’m going to experiment with a new article format. I’m getting ready to interview my kid-sister Jill over the phone with y’all listening. This is the first time I’ve ever done this in my 42 years of columnizing.

 

By the way, Jill doesn’t know this, so I’ll have to explain it to her. So, I’m putting this on speakerphone, so try to hold it down.

 

Here goes… Well, that’s a lot of rings, but don’t worry, she’s usually home. We’ll just, uh—“Hello, Moke, what’s happenin’?”

 

Ah, you’re home – “Yes, I am. Why have you waited so long to call.”—Well, I’ve been busy, and I still can’t see well because of my eye procedure. You know where my retina—“I know, I know. You’ve got a bubble in your eye. Get over it, okay?”

 

Sure. What I want to do is interview you for my readers. Instead of me telling them about what’s going on with you, I thought it be good if you told them. – “So, let me get this straight. You’re telling me that your readers are dumb enough to believe that this is happening right now?” – Well all eight of them showed up, so, yes, they’re good for it.

 

“Whatever. Okay, go ahead and ask me something.” – All right, tell me something that you’ve got on your bucket list. – “OK, give me a minute to make something up.”  Hurry up before I lose the audience.  “Well lately I’ve been wanting to live in a van for a whole year just to see if I like it. The van has to have all the necessities, a stove, bed, ice box, shower… the works. I want to drive all over the place. Might stay a couple of nights in Jefferson, then Little Rock, and on to--” Bristow, Oklahoma? “That’s not funny, Moke. What else?”

 

Uh, what are you most thankful for? – “That’s easy. My family.” – Do you mean the whole family or just yours? – “Oh, you mean the family with you in it? Uh, I guess, the whole family. Of course, the whole family, you goober!”

 

Next. What is your biggest regret? – “Besides doing this interview? I’m joking. No, I regret waiting so long to let my troubles go, to be happy by myself, to not be so naïve, and to love myself.”—Ah, neat. So, when did this happen? – “The day I retired.” – Yeah, I can see how that could do it. By the way, Jill worked in an office with mostly men. Men who thought Jill had plenty of time to do stuff for them and time to talk.

 

‘Right. And on occasion, I would put in my earplugs and listen to loud music.  Of course, that was then and now is no longer then. Did I mention that I’m retired?”

-2-

Right. Subject change! Who do you think is the most overrated celebrity? If you need awhile to think—“Kevin Costner.” – “Well, he musta been on your mind. What don’t you like about him? – ‘He’s bland, stone-faced, and never happy. His best role was in “The Big Chill”, his very first movie. He played the dead body in the casket in the opening scene.  – Well, yes. But, he must’ve impressed someone with his stone-cold appearance.

 

All right, how about this one? What is the most annoying thing that people do? – “Not smiling at others. I know life is tough but manage a smile! It can do wonders for others. And, it’s not that hard to do… unless, you’re Kevin Costner.”

 

Okay, what makes you laugh? – “Well that’s somewhat general. Let’s see, I think it’d have to be Eddie Izzard. I don’t know if he does standup anymore, but he was great. . Remember when he described certain moments in history. Like, when Stonehenge was built? We laughed till I about passed out.”

 

Yes, Izzard is great! Have you seen that Nate Bargatze guy! – “Oh, my word, yes! Look, all of you fake listeners, find Nate Bargatze online. He does only clean humor and is super funny.”

 

Okay, sis, thanks for the Nate commercial. Now, baby sister, name something you’d like to do before you die. – “In other words, I have to be alive to do it? Boy, that narrows it down.” – Cute. So, go ahead. – “Okay, but it’s going to sound weird. I want to be able to save someone’s life or several people’s lives. You know, talk a person off a ledge or a bridge, or take a bullet for someone? I’d prefer surviving the bullet, but it’s not a deal breaker.” – Well, that’s nice to say, but you and I would take a bullet for one another, wouldn’t we? – “Oh, I’d have to think on that one. Actually, I was hoping to save a stranger. Maybe one of those people in the grocery store who never smiles.?

 

Last one. What’s the happiest day of your life? – “Hmm. Among my happiest days was when Varric—” – Who? – “My youngest grandson, you goober. Anyway, once when he was little we were playing around and at one point we stopped and just stared at one another. We didn’t smile or say a word. We just stared for a short while, before we both broke down laughing. Hmm, I could hold him tight and he would hold me tight right back…” – Uh, Jill—“Oh, I’m sorry. What else?”

 

Well, that’s all we’ve got time for Jillicans. You were a great guest today. Listeners, wasn’t she great! – “Yea, Jill!” –  “You were terrific!” – “We love you!”  -- “Please come back and see us!”

 

“Moke, do you know you never changed your voice during those accolades. That’s interesting, but, uh – Tell you what, I’ll talk to you tomorrow when your readers aren’t around.”

      End                           hayter.mark@gmail.com