Trading Astronomy for Forestry

         

                               

Hayter for November 5, 2023

“If ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ were candy and nuts…”

I wish I had majored in astronomy instead of forestry. Of course, it’s a bit late to endorse such a thought. Reminds me of what Don Meredith told Howard Cosell one night on Monday Night Football. -- “If ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ were candy and nuts, we’d all have a merry Christmas.” – I miss Dandy Don.

 

More to the subject, I don’t miss much about the time and trials I had in getting a forestry degree. I do miss my college buddies, but as a forester, I don’t miss our time fighting against the infestation of the Southern Pine Beetle or getting lost one late evening in a dense forest somewhere east of Cleveland, TX. I left my compass on the dashboard of my pickup, and as the sun disappeared behind the cloud cover, I happened upon a group of sleeping wild hogs. They call it a “sounder”. I’ve told the story more than once. 

 

As a forester, I did learn a lot, but had I been an astronomer, I would have learned so much more. Of course, I wouldn’t know much about trees. My favorite tree is the rusty blackhaw, genus species Viburnum rufidulum. It’s odd how the spelling of weird words is easier to remember than a lot of the simple ones.

 

If I can remember “rufidulum”, imagine how much I would have retained as an astronomer. I’m talking about the final frontier! As is, I know only parts of two constellations. I’m familiar with Orion’s belt, but where Orion begins and ends is beyond me.

 

I can find the big and little dipper. They’re both in the Ursa Major (Big Bear) constellation. In Australia, they call it The Southern Cross. I don’t know what all makes up the Big Bear. nor do I know what it looks like in the Southern Hemisphere. But I will tell you this: The stars composing any constellation are not as near to each other as they appear. For example, the star that portrays the end of the handle of the Big Dipper could be 800 million light years behind the next star on the handle. Yet, it looks like it’s just a few miles west of it.

 

The way I see it, getting lost in the forest in no way compares with getting lost in space. I’ve seen part of the Lost in Space series, and I’m telling you, those people are still lost.

 

I just read that there are 88 official constellations. No telling how many “unofficial” ones there are. I thought that since each month of the year is associated with a particular constellation, there were only 12 known constellations. Do you see how much I needed to study astronomy?

 

Come to find out, calendars are more into astrology, not astronomy. You see, in astrology, I belong to the constellation Leo, because I was born between July 23 to August 22. That means I’m a Lion. Kay is too. Unfortunately, she too often usurps my male-lion authority.

 

While I don’t consider myself a part of the Zodiac crowd, I respect the daylights of all who do. I certainly don’t need a Zodiac curse tossed at me.   

 

All that I know about the Final Frontier could’ve been taught to me in a matter of minutes, had I studied astronomy. But, no, I memorized tree species names, like, pinus taeda. That’s a loblolly pine. They’re all over the place.

 

But now I want to learn about the vastness of space. And, I really don’t have that much time to do it. I am glad that I’ve been around long enough to learn some info provided by the James Webb telescope. Astronomers are discovering stellar events that are currently unexplainable… to the human mind.

 

Recently I saw something online from Live Science that read “The universe could stop expanding 'remarkably soon!” If remarkably soon was registered in Earth time, that could mean it will happen next month. But space-time? That could mean, like, a million years from now. So, don’t sell the beach home yet.

 

If the universe does indeed stop growing, it brings up a few billion questions. I have only two. One: If the universe stops growing, what is it that lies beyond the universe? A really big wall? 

 

Two: How far away from us is the end of the universe right now? What is it? A few trillion light years. If so, the universe must’ve stopped growing at least three or so trillion years ago, or else how could anyone have predicted the notion that it stopped growing? 

 

When I was a forester I was too busy messing with the forest. What I learned about the Final Frontier, came from Dr. Spock. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve always had some really weird thoughts about outer space, just not enough scientific info to come up with any explanations.

 

Recently I’ve come to believe that Spock was not all that reliable in his assessment of the final frontier. And what’s scary is the thought that while I may know more than a fictional character in a low-budget space series, I’m still dumb as dirt when it comes to knowledge about the universe. I just happen to still enjoy learning weird things, some of which, actually make a little bit of sense to me.

 

Some of which tell me to “don’t stop believing. Hold onto that feeling. Streetlight people, oh whoa…”

 

I apologize. That was one of my favorite songs from Journey. It may not have been as much encouragement to me as what Don Meredith said about sugar and nuts, but it’s up there all right.

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