Nov 24 How we got here

 

Hayter for Nov 24, 2024

“How We Are What We Are”

 

Since my last article, titled “A Smorgasbord of Facts and Fiction” went to press, I managed to locate the notes on the topic that I intended to write about. So, now, feast your eyes and your brain on an article about “How We Are What We Are.” – Okay, come back here.

There we go. For decades I’ve refused to write on this topic, just like I refused to write about Trump when he got elected. I’m almost past that. This week I have chosen to open up another can of worms that just might send me to hell in a basket. At least in the minds of some of my fellow Christians.

I shall start out with the fact that scientists have determined that bananas have 60 percent of the same DNA that humans do. I certainly can’t prove that, but I believe it to be true.

As a Christian, one of several things that I have never believed was true was that the Earth is 6000 years old, that it was once completely covered in water due to a world-class flood, or that Adam and Eve were the first people to set foot on this planet. While that belief will not get me sent to hell, it could make some believe that’s where I’m destined. Fortunately, most of my friends don’t read the newspaper.

I would like to assure you that I believe that God never feared us learning about science. He invented science! In science, you will find math, chemistry, astronomy… everything except Trigonometry. My high school Trig teacher ruined me on that.

I can’t help but believe that God intended for us to learn stuff while here on Earth… a planet located in a Universe that He created. Whoever wrote the book of Genesis left out the science behind it all. Moses supposedly wrote the first five books of the Old Testament. In other words, the man who carved the first issue of the Ten Commandments on stone wrote everything from Genesis to Deuteronomy. Parts of the books referenced the people and things that laid the groundwork for the New Testament. I can’t prove any of it, but I trust most of it.

I believe that God either helped or allowed certain individuals to write all of what is now the Bible. There are no original copies of the Bible. God would’ve let there be copies, had He wanted to. Why didn’t he? Why didn’t He think enough to provide answers to things that could’ve prevented wars, executions, and hatred all over the place? I don’t know.

However, I am grateful that He chose to let us find out about DNA. All I know is what I’ve read. It’s apparently the building block of all living things. In other words, humans and plant life have a lot in common. 

Do you know what that means? – Neither do I.  However, get this; chimpanzees and a breed of monkey that goes by the name “Bonobo” are currently enjoying 98.8 percent of your DNA. Mine too!

I don’t believe there’s any cause for us or primates to worry about that. Of course, try to tell that to a bonobo. The acronym known as DNA latches onto the molecules in every living thing. God knew that all along. He also knew that 99 percent of our DNA is what keeps us walking, eating, and breathing. The last one percent merely determines your interests, intelligence, and, uh, singing ability. In other words, it is what makes you different from all of the other humans. Without that one percent of DNA, you’d be a robot in the flesh. I know at least three of those.

All of your DNA joins up with your genes and chromosomes. And get this, everything I know about that is in that one sentence. What say we move along? 

According to the science that God has allowed mankind to learn, eight billion or so people on the earth, each have a tad of Neanderthal DNA. Meaning that at one time a Neanderthal mated with a humanoid. Scientists have proved, to their satisfaction, that there were 20 different humanoid groupings over the thousands of years past. Each of those groupings changed a bit over the years. For example, a warmer climate causes a loss of body hair.

It’s our life experiences that allow our brains to catch onto more stuff. We eventually lose our slump and no longer need our knuckles to help us run. Once again, this does not occur overnight. It takes thousands of years. That’s a part of what we call evolution. To find out if it’s true, you would have to visit Earth 100,000 years from now. If humans look just like they do now, only with each wearing the same T-shirts, then evolution stinks on ice, and you’re going to hell if you believe in it.

Fortunately, the next few generations of humankind won’t experience much of that. But, those of you who have your bodies frozen for a few thousand years, may thaw out to find some odd-looking future humans. Slimmer body, smaller ears, longer fingers, and elbows that can reach backward. Just a guess.

Then again, there’s a good chance God may call for us before any of that. I’m just throwing things out. At the moment I can’t come close to figuring out how my brain works. I’ve got signals coming from the bottoms of my feet to my brain. There is no telling how many signals it would take for me to go get a bottle of pop out of the fridge. I can easily do it, but I have no idea how my insides know how to carry out the process.

Let’s face it, in life, there are a gazillion things we’ll never know. But there is one thing in which Kay and I place our faith. We can’t prove it. We only trust that there will come a time when we each hear the words, “Welcome home, my good and faithful servant.” Or something close to that.

Like many of you, Kay and I have experienced hope, love, life, and loss. It’s different for everyone. But the most important thing that I’m longing for is something that neither you nor I can prove exists. It’s generally known by the name “heaven.” Now, that is something to place one’s trust in.

end

hayter.mark@gmail.com

           

           

Nov 17 Fact and Fiction

 

Hayter for Nov 17, 2024

A Smorgasbord of Fact and Fiction

          I don’t know if you’re aware, but 60 percent of your DNA is the same as that of a banana. That may answer the question about the size of your nose. I was the only one in my family with a rather large proboscis. Perhaps I got it from my Grandpa Teegarden. His nose was longer than mine, but I sure beat him on the width.

          Speaking of one’s nose, this week’s article was originally geared to the birth of mankind. At least it was until I sat down at my computer and looked for my notes. They had disappeared. I imagine Kay trashed them, thinking the topic would invite controversy. As if I were that witless

Worry not. My memory of the notes may return, just not now. It will likely take an out-of-body experience. The last one of those I had, I saw a dog chewing on our water hose inside our fenced-in backyard. And we don’t have a dog!

And as mentioned, I don’t have my notes. No worries. I’ll re-research the facts of my “lost findings” -- (oxymoron) – and hopefully apply them to next week’s article. Today, I’ll do something totally different and share it with you after answering my phone. Excuse me. – “Yo? You don’t say? Well, I’ll share that info with my people. Goodbye.”   

Okay, quiet down, everyone. This news just in. “Hormel produced their first batch of Spam in 1937. Due to a recent demand, they have announced that they will soon be producing a second batch.”

I’m sure that was no surprise to many of you, but I added the information as a way of preparing you for what is to come. Let’s call this “Strange information from my old notes.” Some of this is true. The Spam thing? Not so much.

This information is news to me. “The speed of one’s mind travels 268 mph, while bad news’ travels 1 mph.” That’s crazy. My bad news hits me quicker than a lightning bolt. And the jolt will stay with me for months.

Next: “There are more life forms on and in your body than there are on the entire earth.” I imagine the scientist in charge was referring to the comparison between the number of humans on earth compared to the microbes on one human’s body. On and in your body, there are billions of microbes. Someone in a lab at A&M counted. Probably.

“Social Scientists are trying to determine why we have 20 times more plastic lids than containers to put them on.” I could’ve told them that myself. I’ve got stacks of lids in my cabinet that are begging to be put onto something other than a stack of lids.

“Three hundred million people in the world are color blind.” -- Okay, let’s see? Three hundred million out of eight billion people. That means 0.04 percent of the people on earth are color blind. Either that or my math stinks on ice. Speaking of which, Brad Meyer is color blind. When we play racquetball, he refuses to play with my red balls. I thought it was a childhood thing. I had no idea the goober was color-blind, until two weeks ago. I guess red, is to him, similar to the color of the wall. All the while I’ve been making fun of Brad’s selection of odd colored T-shirts.  

Here is something that will answer the question of why the gravity on Mars is less than on Earth. In my notes, I jotted down these words, “Massive objects that block the sun, not only increase the force of gravity, but cause a curve in space and time.” So, were I to land on Mars I would readily know that my feet were lighter than usual… after which I would die due to inhaling the atmosphere of Mars.

“Every 18 months human intelligence doubles.” It’s sure not doing that to me. While I know how to drive a car, I have no understanding of how anything under the hood works, or any self-powered object inside the car works. I would say, for the past eight years my brain has forgotten more in a year than it did when I was six. Though I didn’t know how to calculate that, it just sounded right.

Now for a bit of knowledge that could save a few of you men. Ready? – “Ostriches kick forward.” -- You might get away with patting one on the rump, but stay away from its frontal parts… whatever they are. The animal is not waiting to lick your hand. It’s wanting to kick your privates. If I save even one of you men, I will consider it worthwhile. And, please give me credit when it doesn’t happen to you.

Of course, let’s keep in mind that God could decide to end us tomorrow. I’m not really looking for it. Who is? By the way, a preacher the name of Kentron Beshore predicted the world to end sometime between 2018 and 2028. Today that would read “2024 to 2028.”  With that being said, let me look for something uplifting. 

Okay, did I mention the ostrich? – Right. Then let’s see something else. – Okay this one can be said, but I actually laughed when I read it. It’s another quote by Will Rogers. He told an audience that when he died, “he would like to go out like his Grandpa, in his sleep… not like the five people screaming in his car.” 

Rogers was quite the statesman. Unfortunately, his state was Oklahoma… just like my Grandpa Hayter.  – Next time. 

end  

hayter.mark@gmail.com

 

Nov 10 Last mention of election

 

Hayter for Nov 12, 2024

“Now for Something Totally Different”

 

          The only good thing about the past week for me is that now I don’t have to worry about the capital building being attacked this January. Unfortunately, those who are currently serving prison for the original attack will be released on or near January 20. But, what the hey? It’s just a sign of the times.

          At the moment, Kay and I are experiencing a bad sign from yesterday’s time. It has nothing to do with the presidency. It involves our garbage disposal. It’s the first disposal we ever had, and it has just reached its seventh year of service. That’s a short term for a refrigerator, but it’s pretty much the life expectancy of a garbage disposal.

          On YouTube I watched a guy take apart a six-year-old leaking garbage disposal. He intended to show the viewer how to locate and possibly replace the part that was leaking. Watching him remove the disposal from the bottom of the sink wore me out. Then he started disassembling the thing. By the time he removed the skin of the disposal, I was in tears. I thought, “Oh the humanity!”

          Eventually, he worked his way down to the part that was leaking. It looked like a three-inch round piece of wood or concrete. It was orange-like and connected to the bottom portion of the disposal. I never heard the name of the particular part, but it’s now moot.

          Because, after seeing what needed to be done to remove the thing, and then how to replace it, I was exhausted.  At that point, I fast-forwarded so I could see how it all came out. What I saw and heard, was a man practically in tears.  He had experimented on his neighbor’s 6-year-old leaking garbage disposal, and without finishing the job, he had a new solution. He said that we’d be better off buying a new one.

          And, get this, the man was not selling any garbage disposals. He mentioned the type he was working on and suggested that it might be best to just replace the old one with a new one of the same brand and name.   

          By the way, I ask you to remember that my mind is still not working on all cylinders due to the election result. So the plumber is supposed to show up tomorrow in the late morning. When he gets here, hopefully, he will not bring up the election. Kay and I are two out of only 16 Democrats in the county.

          But, let’s try to forget that and return to the topic of “garbage disposal repair”. Realizing the plumber would show up the next morning, I went ahead and removed all of the weird stuff from under the kitchen sink, after which I sopped up the water that had dripped from the stupid disposal. I must keep in mind that it is an over-the-hill disposal, that I should not castigate.

          That being said, at the moment, I’m tired of writing about the garbage disposal. So, right now I choose to talk about the insanity of raising tariffs on imports. It will result in the raising of prices and a depletion of labor—I apologize. I’m better now.

          Uh, so at the moment we’re going to look at a few of the spray bottles that I confiscated from the cabinet located under the sink. First of all, here’s a spray can of “Blaster Penetrating Catalyst.” I’m not sure what it does, but it was hiding under the sink just waiting to be called upon.  

          Next is a plastic squirt bottle of “Scratch Out”. The label reads “Fine Scratch+ Swirl Remover.” It apparently removes Swirls but has yet to be used on any of ours. One of us, say, Kay, saw the bottle on one of the aisles in HEB and feared I might scratch the water heater. It could happen any minute now.

And here’s a squirt bottle of “Goof Off Adhesive Gunk Remover”. Any year now, that will come in handy. Then we’ve got “Goo Gone: For Automotive Goo and Sticker Removal.” We can’t have enough of that. And here’s a small jar, about the size of a can of Bean Dip that is called “Wright’s Silver Cream.” It’s used to polish silverware. Our silverware is now stored somewhere in the bowels of the house. We haven’t used the tarnished implements since Kay and I received it as a wedding gift.  

          Here we have two spray cans of unused “Stainless Steel Cleaner and Polish” to be used on the only stainless steel piece in the house – the refrigerator. If we ever get around to polishing that thing, believe me, we’ve got the stuff to do it. Oops, I just found a half-filled bottle of tarnish remover. It’s called “Tarn-Z”. Get it? We’re blessed that there’s not a great deal of tarnishing around here.

           That’s pretty much all I’ve got for you today. Hopefully, a few of you will still be reading me next week. Again, I would like to tell you how pleased I am that no one will storm the Capital or White House in late January.

I am confident that the losing party this time has proved itself to be less violent. The vote didn’t turn out as hoped, but that’s just the way it is. Who knows,  perhaps the Republican Party is on the right track. I’m not sure what it is, but there’s plenty of time to find it. God bless us one and all.   

end

hayter.mark@gmail.com