Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Clooney and Rizolli vents

September 21, 2010 “A couple of vents”

I seldom get upset about anything. Have you noticed that? Well you need to notice. But, don’t notice now, because I recently got ticked off at a movie and a TV show. Not ticked off enough to boycott anything. Just enough to vent.

Kay’s already heard my ventage and it didn’t faze her. She didn’t even care. But, you care. Well, you can pretend, can’t you? Cool.

The first vent has to do with the movie Kay and I went to see on Labor Day. It was a packed theatre so there’s a good chance some of you were there. The movie had love, violence and George Clooney. Oh, and popcorn.

But, George was what really got Kay to agree to go with me. Had I suggested a movie about a hitman, she would’ve balked. Kay is a great balker. If the preview has killing, slapping or biting, she doesn’t care to see the movie. She prefers not to watch people get hurt… even when they’re just acting hurt. I’ve watched a lot of good movies by myself.

But, like I say, Clooney was the big draw for Kay. She loves George Clooney. I have no big love interest, but I do like him. He’s a good actor with a great personality, a benevolent spirit and great looks. He’s the antithesis of, uh… somebody who’s the opposite of all that.

If George Clooney just looked at Kay and smiled, she’d dump me in a minute. She’ll probably tell you different, but don’t believe her. I’m a Clooney-smile away from being tossed. I can deal with that, ‘cause I can’t see her ever meeting the guy. Won’t let it happen.

From all this, you’ve likely gathered that Kay and I went to see “The American.” I could’ve said at the beginning, but I wanted to lay down some groundwork to show that we were both expecting good stuff.

The popcorn sure didn’t let me down. Fortunately for me, Kay is really cutting down on her popcorn consumption. She’s going from “just a little bit” to “not much at all.” I’m slimming down from a “whole lot” to “a lot.” To demonstrate my resolve I only bought the medium popcorn.

We were fortunate to find a couple of seats in the high-up section just before the lights dimmed. I hate to feel around on the people in the aisle seats when the lights go out. You’d think they’d expect it. They always seem so surprised.

The movie lasted for a little over a couple of hours. Seemed much longer. When the screen finally went to black and the credits started rolling, the theatre was quiet as a golf cart. I didn’t notice anyone even get up. We were all waiting for someone to say it.

I sure didn’t want to be the one, but someone had to step forward. After about eight seconds of stillness, a guy to my right said the words that allowed us all to leave. He said, “You’ve gotta be kiddin’!” After that, practically the entire audience laughed and left.

I don’t wanna say the movie was slow, but during the two or three naked scenes I didn’t even care. Barely noticed. (Well, that part’s a lie.) There was so little action in that movie, that I couldn’t even find a good time to eat my popcorn. When the movie started there was no sound coming from the speakers to muffle the sound of my hand in the popcorn bag and all the chomping. Oh, there was the occasional sound of a car engine, a guy walking, maybe a little wind in the distance. But nothing else. Through that entire movie I could’ve pointed in the direction of anyone in that theatre that had any popcorn left.

Let me just say this and I’ll move on to my other gripe. The thing about “The American” that was so bizarre to me was how anyone could take a lousy story set in a really boring town in Italy; come up with a character you know nothing about and learn even less about; give him absolutely no personality; come up with a really bad ending, and decide to make a movie out it. On top of that, get a great actor with a charming personality to play the boring lead. Was Jude Law unavailable?

That vent felt good. (Apologies to Jude Law. He was collateral damage.) Since I have little time for my second vent, let’s get to it. Kay and I watched a taped “Rizzoli and Isles” episode last night. I didn’t care for the series at first, but I’m beginning to like Rizzoli. Even her voice.

At the beginning of last night’s episode, a guy gets in his car at night and drives off. He hasn’t gone far when someone hiding in the backseat, raises up, stabs him in the neck with an ice pick, and then exits the car. In the next scene, it’s daylight and the car with the dead guy in it is blocking traffic for blocks. Maybe miles. The police are just standing around the car waiting to get a search warrant before they can examine the dead guy and move the car.

That one scene ruined the whole show for me. I kept griping about it to Kay, but she was no help. “Let it go, Sweetie,” she said. Let it go? There’s a car with it’s door open; a guy with an ice pick in his neck in the driver’s seat; traffic is blocked from Boston to Halifax and the police can’t touch anything without a warrant!

Was there no one in the film crew, no actor in the episode, no writer, director or producer who didn’t realize that police don’t need a warrant to inspect a guy with an ice pick in his neck if he’s in the road, in a box, in a stagecoach, on a motor scooter, on horseback, in the back of a truck or a locked car… and especially in a car with an open door?

In Texas the guy wouldn’t even need to be dead. If he’s blocking traffic, they’ll drag him out through the broken window, haul his cuffed keester to jail and impound the car. Warrant my foot! Just ruined the whole episode for me.

But, I’m much better now. With your help, I think I’ve healed myself. Next time you hear from me, I’ll be singing a happy tune. Kay will see to that. She draws that George Clooney like a gun.


To see BradMeyer and Mark’s review of Landry’s click here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bB254jh7AR8

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